22. Sage
SAGE
My toes are cold. Still half asleep, I turn in Holden’s arms, snuggling into his warmth and tucking my feet close to his legs.
Rain still taps against the roof of the barn, but the sound is much softer now, and I have no idea what time it is. Strangely enough, I’m happy keeping it that way.
Being wrapped in Holden’s arms feels better than it has any right to.
My heart ached for him after our conversation about his mom. I half expected that thinking about it would keep me awake, but I barely remember closing my eyes before sleep claimed me.
Now, I press my ear to his chest, letting the strong, steady thump of his heartbeat soothe me. It’s almost enough to send me back to sleep.
Almost.
Because a memory of him stripping last night intrudes. The way he walked toward me, broad-shouldered and toned, with a bulge impossible to ignore beneath his black boxer briefs.
Then I remember the way he growled the word sweetheart, and I shiver.
Holden pulls me closer. “Cold?”
Tipping my face up to his, I find his eyes open, watching me. I swallow. “A little.” There’s no way I’ll tell him that the shiver has nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with him. “How long have you been awake?”
“Haven’t been asleep yet.” His deep voice rumbles through me where I’m pressed against him.
“Is it me? Am I making you uncomfortable?” I pull back, trying to disentangle myself from him.
His arms tighten around me, pinning me in place. “It’s not you. Now quit moving and warm up.”
I go lax, pressing closer. That’s when I feel him, long and hard, brushing my stomach through the jacket I’m still wearing. I suck in a breath.
“Stop wriggling, and it’ll go away,” he grunts.
My heart thrashes against my ribcage as heat floods through me. Is this why he hasn’t slept?
My breathing sounds too loud in my ears, nearly drowning out the background noise of the rain. I’m flooded with memories of the kiss we shared, my nerve endings lighting up as I replay the way I ground against him, desperate for more.
The logical part of my brain—the part reminding me that getting any more involved with Holden than necessary is a bad idea—seems to have taken a leave of absence, because all I can hear now is Mia telling me I’m allowed to want something that’s just for me, not for my career.
And god, I can’t think of anything I want more right now than the man holding me.
My voice is husky when I reply. “What if I don’t want it to go away?”
“Dammit, Sage,” he growls. “You don’t know—”
“Please don’t tell me I don’t know what I want,” I tell him. “I do. What do you want?”
The blood rushing through my ears is so loud I’m worried I might miss his answer.
“I don’t want any confusion between us.” His voice is gritty, tense.
I inhale sharply, hurt and embarrassment making the backs of my eyes sting. But before I can open my mouth or pull away, he grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.
“I’m telling you this because you need to know that if this happens, it’s not going to be a quick fumble in a barn that you can file away in your Colorado experience folder. I won’t do just one night, not with you. If we’re done fighting this, then while you’re here, you’re mine.”
Maybe the words should make me wary, but for the life of me, I can’t come up with a single reason right now why that would be a bad thing. “As long as you’re mine too.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I wet my lips, an ache of anticipation blooming deep in my core.
He focuses on my mouth, his jaw tightening.
“Tell me what you need from me, Sage.” He skates a finger down my cheek. “Do you need me to be gentle?”
My heart thumps against my ribs. “Gentle is good… sometimes.”
His throat works with a rough swallow. “Is this one of those times?”
“No. I don’t think it is.”
“Good.” His mouth is on mine before I can blink.
Heat and desire crash through me, hard and fast. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him back. His tongue strokes deep, exploring my mouth, pulling a moan from me.
He nips at my bottom lip, then breaks the kiss and leans back. The blanket we huddled under all night has slipped away, giving me an incredible view of his chiseled body as he looms over me.
“As much as I’ve enjoyed you wearing my jacket,” he says, “I need it off you now.”
He grips the zipper and draws it down, gradually exposing my overheated skin to the chill of the barn air.
My nipples harden, rasping against the flannel lining that still barely covers them.
With a tug to release the zipper completely, he flicks both sides of the garment open, leaving me bare except for my panties.
He sits back on his heels, lacing both hands behind his neck as he stares down at me. “Fuck me,” he growls. “You’re so damn beautiful.”
I squirm, pressing my thighs together to ease the building ache.
He lets out a dark chuckle. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m going to take care of that for you.”
He lowers his big body over mine, bracing his forearm beside my head. We aren’t quite touching, but he’s close enough that I can feel the heat radiating from him.
I take him in, anticipation thrumming in my veins. His dark, serious gaze holds mine as he skates the fingers of his free hand up my bare thigh.
Goose bumps pebble my skin, and a breath shudders out of me. Our eyes stay locked as he brushes the edge of my panties and dips the tip of his finger beneath. If he keeps going, he’ll soon feel the arousal already seeping from my core. “I-I thought you weren’t going to be gentle,” I croak.
His lips curl, his fingers stroking higher. “There’s a difference between being gentle and savoring something.”
As he reaches the slickness at my center, he groans, his lids sliding shut. When they open again, his pupils are blown so wide that he looks almost drugged.
I can’t take much more. My breasts are tight and achy, and more arousal seeps from me with every stroke of his fingers. With a hand at his nape, I tug. “Please, Holden.”
He doesn’t make me ask twice, his mouth finding mine again in a fierce kiss that drags a whimper out of me.
He buries his fingers in my hair and tugs, sending a rush of sparks directly to my clit. Then his mouth is gone, his hand holding me in place as he turns his attention elsewhere.
He latches on to one of my tightly furled nipples, the heat and suction drawing it into a diamond-hard point. I clutch at his hair, holding him to me as I pant.
When he releases me, I almost cry out in protest, but he’s quickly focused on the other one, sucking and nipping it, then soothing it with his tongue until the pleasure searing my nerve endings is almost too much.
Rearing back, he curls his fingers into the waistband of my panties, drags them down my legs, and tosses them aside. With his palms on my inner thighs, he spreads me wide open.
I don’t know whether it’s the cool air on my overheated core or his expression, but I shiver almost violently.
He drinks me in, a muscle pulsing in his jaw. “Look at you. Prettiest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”
My nipples are painfully tight, my body trembling with anticipation as a thin sheen of perspiration coats my skin.
He settles himself between my legs, one muscular arm pinning my thigh down while his large hand splays over my lower stomach. The thumb of his other hand trails over me, and I moan, clutching the blanket-covered straw in both hands.
“You’re so wet,” he says, his voice like sandpaper. “You’re dripping for me.”
I don’t think I’ve ever been more aroused in my life.
Then he sucks my clit into his scorching hot mouth, and I cry out, my hips jerking. He pins me down, and the moment his tongue dips inside me, I grab his hair as my back arches.
He groans his approval against me. “You taste incredible. Just the way I imagined.”
I don’t have time to formulate any kind of response before he flicks his tongue against my clit and spears me with one long finger.
He makes a noise in his throat. “So fucking tight.”
“Oh god.” I roll my head from side to side, unable to keep still.
I’m building fast—too fast—as he licks and sucks, adding a second finger to the one already stroking inside me. With heat flooding through my veins, I suck in deep breaths, trying to slow myself down—to savor the moment, just like he said.
But he doesn’t relent. If anything, the way I arch into him only makes him more merciless. He spreads me wider, sucks harder, and when he adds a third finger, my legs start to shake.
I bury my fingers in his hair, tugging at the strands as his jacket’s loose sleeves fall to my elbows. He responds by drawing my clit between his lips, his tongue rolling over it until the ache in my core becomes almost unbearable.
As if he can tell exactly how close I am, he reaches up, finds my peaked nipple, and pinches it between his fingers. The tiny sting of pain is enough to push me over the edge.
My entire body draws tight, then I’m crying out as the orgasm tears through me.
My hips buck, my internal muscles clamping down around his fingers.
The deep groan he lets out vibrates against me, and I can’t stop spasming around him as he drags out each sensation until I’m a quivering mess, nearly sobbing.
Eventually, I sink back, boneless. His expression is almost wild as he draws his fingers out of me. Then his lips are on mine, his tongue pushing into my mouth again. I moan as I match him, thrust for thrust.
“Can you taste yourself?” he growls against my lips. “Everything about you is so fucking sweet.”
My mumbled reply is nonsensical. It’s almost impossible to believe I could want more after that, but I do. I fumble with the waistband of his briefs, dragging them down far enough to release his erection. It practically springs out, the swollen tip almost brushing his abs.
Then he’s in my hand, hot and hard and so damn big. My inner walls clench at the idea of being stretched open by him. I squeeze, and he hisses against my mouth. But the moment I tilt my pelvis, desperate for him to push his way inside me, he grips my hand and shakes his head.
Disappointment sweeps through me. “Why?”
“No condom,” he grits out.
I blink, my stomach dropping. Safety had completely slipped my mind. I’m on birth control, but that doesn’t offset the other risks.
Holden braces his forearms on either side of my head, his hands fisting in my hair. “As soon as we get home, I’ll give us what we both need. But I won’t risk you, no matter how desperate I am to feel you come on my cock.”
I swallow and nod, but don’t let go of him. Instead, I give him a short stroke.
“Fuck.” Eyes clenched shut, he releases my wrist.
Exhaling, I do it again, stroking the full length of him this time.
Pre-cum beads at his tip, slowly dripping onto my stomach. As my strokes become faster and harder, I raise my head so I can see exactly what I’m doing to him.
With my other hand, I cup his balls, massaging them gently until a low, rough sound rumbles through him. His big body is braced above me, every muscle taut as I stroke him until he’s thrusting into my hand.
“You wanna watch me come, Sage?” he grits out, his voice like gravel.
My insides coil tight. “God, yes.”
Fingers flexing in my hair, he presses his forehead to mine, both of us watching as I work his hard length.
His breaths are harsh, his abs tensing as my knuckles brush against them over and over.
With a curse, his hips flex and he pushes into my fist, holding there.
His cock jerks once, then throbs against my palm, a groan ripping from him as thick, white jets splash hot across my stomach and between my breasts.
Even when he finishes, I don’t release him. For a moment, our breaths mingle in the space between us. Then he kisses me, his mouth hard on mine before softening into something that comes so close to tender it makes my throat ache.
With one more soft kiss, he pushes himself upright and tucks himself, still half hard, into his briefs. Satisfaction curls his lips as he takes in the mess he made of me for a moment. Then he snags the discarded blanket and wipes it gently over my stomach.
I smile. “Thank you.”
Huffing out a laugh, he tosses the blanket aside. “Seems like the least I can do.”
He draws the sides of his jacket together and zips it up, covering me again. Then he lies down beside me. Feeling strangely vulnerable considering what we just did, I angle my face toward his.
His expression is hard to read, and for a heart-stopping second, I’m sure he’s going to tell me this was a mistake. But with his eyes still serious, he grazes his thumb along my bottom lip. And I swear a hint of vulnerability flickers across his face. “Mine, Sage.”
The way my heart squeezes might be a warning, but if it is, I ignore it, wriggling closer and murmuring, “Yours.”
Lips tipping up, he wraps his arms around me. “We’ve got a few more hours until sunup. You should get some more rest.”
With the rain still pattering on the roof and his heartbeat steady against my ear, I fall asleep.