Chapter 12
Now that Jared was awake and getting better every day, it was decided that Jim and Monica would welcome Shelby to their Boston home more often.
Previously, Shelby had slept either at the hospital or, sometimes, in the crappy hotel nearby.
But now that Jared would see her every day.
Now that she needed to mend their romantic relationship as his body mended itself, she needed to look the part of his girlfriend.
This meant daily showers, skincare, and makeup. It meant comfort and time to breathe.
The first night that Shelby went home with Jim and Monica, she sat in the back seat and watched the rain glide down the car windows.
Jim and Monica were talking about their most recent meeting with the doctor, during which the doctor had talked about Jared’s brain scans.
They weren’t hiding any information from Shelby, not now.
Shelby felt a swell of pride, even as what they said worried her.
Apparently, the damage was far greater than they’d initially thought.
It was decided that Shelby would take the guest bedroom closest to Jared’s room, the one he’d vacated when he’d gone to Harvard.
After showering in the guest bathroom, Shelby padded past his bedroom and peered in to look at the decorations he’d put up during high school.
There were bands she’d never heard him talk about.
There were sports posters. On the dresser was a framed photograph of Jared with some girl Shelby didn’t recognize, the sight of which punctured her stomach.
But Shelby reminded herself that of all the girls Jared had dated or been friends with before, Shelby was the one who was here.
In the guest bedroom, Shelby curled up on her side and listened to the wind as it railed against the massive house.
She’d heard Jim say something about the year the house had been built and how much history it had seen.
But the only history she imagined was Jared, growing up here, strengthening himself for adulthood.
Soon, he would be back. Soon, Shelby and Jared would walk up and down the halls, as Jared regained his strength.
For Thanksgiving, Shelby returned to Nantucket. She was reluctant on the bus and ferry rides, but when her mother and Lily appeared in their car, she felt a jolt of happiness. They smiled at her nervously, as though they didn’t know what to expect from her.
“How is he?” Lily asked, turning around in the front seat to look at Shelby.
“He’s so much better,” Shelby said. “He’s walking around with a cane, now, and the doctors say that he’ll be able to go home a week or two before Christmas.”
“That’s fantastic news,” Rebecca said, her voice bright.
“Yeah,” Lily echoed, although Shelby guessed they didn’t know what else to say.
Back at home, after a celebratory pre-Thanksgiving dinner, Shelby, Lily, and Chad stayed up late, watching old comedies and drinking wine.
At first, Shelby had the sense that Chad and Lily were uncomfortable around her, although Shelby couldn’t guess why.
Were they angry that she’d fallen in love with someone?
Wasn’t falling in love what she was supposed to do at this age?
Hadn’t Lily tried desperately to pair Shelby up with someone?
After Chad headed to bed, Lily lowered the volume on the film and looked at her. “So I guess you and Jared are back together? Like, fully back together?”
Shelby was taken aback. “I mean, yeah.”
“It’s just that you guys broke up, right?” Lily asked.
“Not really.” Shelby struggled to peel back the layers of time to see August for what it was. It seemed so long ago now.
“You didn’t talk for a while,” Lily tried to remind her. “Does he remember that?”
“When he woke up, he was so happy I was there,” Shelby said softly. “And I was so happy to be there. We’re lucky we got a second shot at this, I think.”
Lily nodded, her eyes narrowing. “And what’s going on with school?”
Shelby bristled. “School’s fine, too. I’ve been writing papers and stuff from Boston. And reading as much as possible while Jared rests.”
“And your professors are cool with you missing so many classes?” Lily asked.
“Yeah,” Shelby lied. Of course, she hadn’t spoken to her professors at all in weeks.
“Can I ask one more thing?”
Shelby flared her nostrils and didn’t answer. She knew her sister. She knew she couldn’t stop her from being nosy.
“Remember what his mom said about personality changes?” Lily went on. “Have you noticed anything like that?”
“No,” Shelby snapped, glaring at Lily. She needed to know she’d taken it too far.
“Right. Okay. I’m sorry.” Lily raised her hands, then got up to grab a glass of water. “We’re just worried about you, is all.”
Shelby didn’t respond.
The following day was Thanksgiving. Shelby did her best to evade questions about school, although it was difficult, especially given how excited most of them were about her academic career.
She spoke often about Jared, about how they’d introduced solid foods, about how his parents planned to pack an entire Thanksgiving feast for him today “just in case he wants it.”
As the hours passed, Shelby felt increasingly guilty for being here with her family rather than at the hospital with Jared.
A few minutes after eating a slice of pumpkin pie, Shelby went to her bedroom upstairs and called Jared. He answered darkly, “Hello?” He sounded as though he didn’t know who was on the other line, although of course he did.
“Jared, hi. Happy Thanksgiving,” Shelby said. “How are you feeling?”
Jared let a moment pass before he answered. “Mom and Dad just left. I guess I’m feeling lonely, to be honest with you.”
Shelby pictured him in that hospital room, maybe with the television on. She pictured his hospital gown and his sallow face, which she’d once known to be so tan and handsome.
“I’m so sorry, Jared,” she breathed. “I should be there with you.”
“I hope you don’t make that mistake again,” Jared said.
Shelby could hardly breathe. She realized she’d betrayed the only person who needed her more than anything. How had she let this happen?
Hurriedly, she tried to fix it. She apologized again and again, praying for peace. Finally, maybe ten minutes later (although it felt like forever), Jared said, “It’s all right. I know you’ll make it up to me.” And Shelby promised she would.
The following morning, Shelby left Nantucket, telling her mother, sister, and brother that she needed to get back to Columbia as soon as possible to prepare for finals.
Lies came out of her left, right, and center, so much so that she couldn’t keep track of them anymore.
Once on the mainland, she went immediately to the hospital, where she found Jared and his parents sitting quietly in Jared’s room.
The television was off, and it felt as though nobody had spoken for a while.
Shelby had the strangest feeling that there had been an argument.
Later, after Jim and Monica went home, Jared updated her.
“They want me to have a psychological evaluation,” Jared said.
“But I’ve been through so many tests already.
I don’t want to go through more. And I’m fine, all things considered.
Yes, I hit my head. Yes, I was in a coma for a second.
But I’m basically ready to restart my life again.
I see myself back at Harvard already in January. ”
Shelby smiled with tears in her eyes. “You’re so strong,” she told him.
Her gut spasmed with a moment of panic: what about her own college career? But she’d figure it out, she knew. After Christmas. Sometime soon.
On December 12th, Jared was allowed to return home.
Shelby wheeled him out of the hospital, where his father helped him into the back of the car.
Shelby collapsed his wheelchair and put it in the trunk, then sat beside him, taking his hand.
She couldn’t stop smiling. It was snowing, piling up on sidewalks that were already covered in white.
It felt like the most magical holiday season.
Far away in Cambridge, she knew, students were scrambling to finish the end of their semester, but Shelby was here with her beloved, and she didn’t want to be anywhere else.
During the lead-up to Christmas, Shelby did everything she could to make Jared happy.
She baked cookies. She decorated the Christmas tree.
She played card games that Jared and his parents taught her, and she told stories and jokes that made everyone smile pensively.
Sometimes, it felt as though she were a great mystery to the Kissinger family. But she told herself to remain upbeat.
On Christmas Eve, Shelby woke up early to make cinnamon rolls.
She’d told Jared she’d have them ready by the time he was up, and she wanted to make everything from scratch, which would take some time.
When she reached the kitchen, she found Monica already awake, sipping coffee and looking out the window at the snow.
It struck Shelby that Monica was really so beautiful, and that normally, her icy demeanor made Shelby forget that.
“Good morning,” Shelby said hesitantly. It was rare that she was alone with Monica.
Monica turned to look at her. “Of course. The cinnamon rolls.”
Shelby blushed and pulled flour and sugar from the cabinet. “Can I get you anything?”
Monica said nothing but continued to look at her. Shelby’s cheeks got hotter and hotter.
“You know,” Monica said finally. “I imagine my son will propose to you. I imagine you’ll be my daughter-in-law, sooner rather than later.”
Shelby’s stomach flipped. “I hope so,” she offered. “I love your son very much.”
Monica sipped her coffee. She didn’t seem surprised by this. “My son. Is he kind to you?”
“He’s very kind,” Shelby said.
“And you really see your future with him? Because I have to tell you, Shelby, a future in the Kissinger family isn’t easy.
I remember when I married in. Jim’s mother took me aside and told me exactly how I was supposed to dress and exactly what I was supposed to say.
I keep thinking I need to do that with you.
But you’ve been a mystery to me from the start.
Jared followed you around all summer long, yes.
But I didn’t think…” She trailed off, as though she couldn’t bring herself to say anything else.
Shelby grew panicked, realizing that Jared’s mother didn’t fully approve of their relationship. She wondered whether Monica had already mentioned this to Jared. She wondered if she’d suggested to Jared, “Maybe this woman isn’t the woman for you.”
But just then, Jim came in for a cup of coffee, breaking up their awkward conversation. Shelby threw herself into baking, acting much more chipper than she felt. And later, when Jared dug into a warm cinnamon roll, his smile lit her up from the inside.
It was on Christmas morning, in front of his parents and the immaculate Christmas tree, that Jared asked Shelby to marry him.
He slipped a beautiful diamond ring on her finger and kissed her while she cried quietly.
“You were there with me every step of the way,” Jared said.
“I can’t imagine living my life with anyone else. ”
Jared told her later that he wanted to get married as soon as possible, that he didn’t want to miss a moment together going forward. “We can have a party later,” he said. “But we’ll do something at the courthouse beforehand.”
Jared never asked her once about Columbia. Quietly, she dropped out, preparing her heart and mind to be the wife Jared needed her to be in the wake of his head injury. She’d go back to school soon, she told herself. But life was happening, right before her. She didn’t want to miss it.