Chapter 21
Shelby experienced that day of travel from Montana to Nantucket Island like a delirious blur. It was hard for her to fathom that any of this had happened, and it was as though her body took over, telling her brain, you can catch up later. We’ll get you back to Nantucket in one piece.
On the plane, Shelby was seated in the middle between Penelope and Evie, who both fell asleep almost immediately after take-off.
In the aisle ahead sat Billy with Uncle Chad, and across the aisle from her were Lily and Rebecca, the women who’d come to save her life.
Shelby felt a jolt of shock, yet another, then scanned the aisles nearby, just to make sure that Jared wasn’t there, waiting and watching.
Again, she checked for her phone, then remembered that her mother had left it back at the house she’d rented.
Maybe because of the panic written across her face, her mother reached across the aisle to take her hand. “Breathe, honey,” her mother said tenderly. “You’re safe.”
The first plane took them across the continent, all the way to Boston.
It was morning, and bright light filtered through the airport windows and illuminated her children’s sleeping faces.
They were jet-lagged, their minds still in Montana.
Together, she and her family carried them through the airport until they found their mini-plane from Boston to Nantucket.
Shelby still searched in every corner, praying that Jared wouldn’t leap out.
She hoped that her family didn’t notice how paranoid she was.
When they were called to board, Chad smiled at her and said, “It’s time to get you home.”
It was bizarre to see her little brother like this: so responsible, so eager to take control of a bad situation. It reminded Shelby of her father, Fred.
When Shelby first spotted the island far down below the plane, tears fell from her eyes.
What if she was allowed to raise her children here, on the same island where her mother had been raised?
What if she was allowed to be happy, really and truly happy, with family surrounding her, with people looking out for her?
A voice in the back of her mind told her again and again: you don’t deserve it. You know you don’t. You’re abandoning your husband, who needs you. You’re separating your children from your husband, because of what? Because you can’t handle a little loneliness? Is that all?
Shelby wasn’t sure how to override that voice. Her heart sputtered with nerves, and she began to lose track of why she’d left in the first place. Everything felt blurry.
Once on the ground, they drove immediately to Rebecca and Ben’s place on the water, where already Grandma Esme and Grandpa Victor waited for them.
Grandma Esme had spent all day preparing a gorgeous feast of sea bass, clam chowder, homemade biscuits, and blueberry pie.
Safe in her grandmother’s embrace, Shelby’s knees gave out.
“My beautiful Shelby,” her grandma whispered. “It’s so good to have you home!”
Seeing her grandparents with her children for the first time was truly an incredible experience.
Esme had toys ready for them, as she’d apparently gone out immediately and purchased some when she’d learned they were really coming home.
She hadn’t wanted to do it earlier than that, she explained to Shelby, because she hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up.
Grandpa Victor doted on all of them, especially Billy, who—Shelby thought now—looked a little like her Uncle Joel, who’d died so long ago.
Shelby shivered. This is my family. We’re all connected.
Later that night, after the kids were fast asleep, Shelby sat at the veranda table with her grandparents, her mother, her stepfather, Lily, and Chad.
Shelby ached to meet Lily’s children, as well as Chad’s fiancée, Jenny, but they’d decided to keep things simple for now. Tomorrow would bring more reunions.
It was now that she said what was heavy on her mind. “We took them over state lines. Jared won’t make that easy on me.” She pursed her lips and looked from her mother to her grandmother to her grandfather, praying they would have answers.
“I’m in contact with a friend,” Victor said. “One of the best divorce lawyers in the country. He knows about your case, and he’s ready to take you on, if you want to get this started. I know it’s a lot to consider, but I think the sooner, the better.”
The word “divorce” rang out across the table.
Shelby leaned back, panic setting in again.
But of course, leaving Jared the way she had yesterday could result only in one thing—a permanent and legal break, one that had the children’s safety in mind.
“I’m ready,” she said, her voice wavering and giving her away. “I won’t let him take them.”
“We have Vivian, too,” Lily said. “She’s prepared to be a witness in your case.
She saw…” Lily trailed off, and for the first time it occurred to Shelby that Vivian was the reason her family had come to save her.
Vivian had seen the bruises. Vivian had known she needed out.
It would take another few weeks before Grandma Esme and Rebecca would show Shelby the email Vivian had written to the Sutton Book Club—and it would bring Shelby to tears all over again.
Now, Shelby pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “You must think I’m so pathetic.”
At this, her family talked all over one another.
“Honey, no!” her mother cried, as her grandfather talked at length about all the cases he’d seen over the years, and her grandmother told her that men like Jared always have the upper hand.
“You fell in love!” her grandmother continued.
“Plenty of women fall in love and hope for the best. You can’t beat yourself up for doing the same. ”
But Shelby stewed in self-resentment. She couldn’t help but believe that all of this was her fault—from the day she’d met Jared in the Sutton Book Club, to the day she’d left him in Montana.
The Sutton family was tremendously busy in the lead-up to Chad’s wedding.
Although there was so much to discuss about Shelby’s case, and so much to do to make sure the children were safe and comfortable here on Nantucket, there were just as many conversations to be had about what to wear for the wedding, who was coming onto the island for the celebration and where they were going to stay, and so on.
For Shelby, it was like being dropped back into a television show she knew all the characters from but had missed a few seasons.
The biggest surprise of all was that they wanted her to be in the storyline, now, too.
They weren’t angry with her for abandoning them. They loved her. They wanted to know all the ways she’d changed and all the ways she’d stayed the same.
For the time being, Shelby and her children stayed full-time at Rebecca and Ben’s place.
Shelby was amazed at how easily Ben fell into the role of “Grandpa!” and she often caught him playing games with Billy, or letting Penelope paint his toenails.
Evie wanted to be everyone’s best friend, and she followed people around, giggling and singing songs.
Everyone immediately fell in love with her, which was no surprise.
But Shelby had never seen her children be so social, with so many people before.
It was like they’d been waiting for something like this to happen, too.
Her children didn’t ask about their father, not once, which surprised Shelby. Didn’t they realize a major figure from their lives was gone?
Then again, when she considered the dynamics of their days back in Montana, Jared often didn't return home from work till after Evie and Penelope were in bed. He and Billy had spent time together maybe three times a week, sure. But maybe their playtimes had been enough for Billy to recognize what kind of man Jared truly was. Children could sense what was really going on. You couldn’t hide the truth.
Ten days before Chad’s wedding, Shelby met with a therapist for the first time.
Her name was Donna Turlington, and Grandpa Victor highly recommended her, calling her the very best in family therapy, including him.
Shelby left her kids with her mother and sat in Donna’s office, staring straight ahead.
Her tongue felt heavy with all the things she needed to say.
Donna had decorated her office in beige and yellows and whites, and a large, benign plant sat in the corner, clearly well cared for. Donna was in her fifties and didn’t look entirely unlike Vivian. Shelby crossed her ankles and tried to explain herself, but Donna raised her hand to stop her.
“You aren’t here to confess your crimes or anything like that,” Donna said. “Why don’t we start with something simple? How are you feeling?” She touched her chest.
Shelby closed her eyes and felt the weight of the past few weeks crash onto her.
Her shoulders began to shake. “I can’t believe this freedom was always available to me,” she said finally.
“I’m still responsible for my children. That won’t change.
But now, nobody yells at me if I don’t do everything they tell me to do.
Nobody insists that my only duty in life is to make dinner and clean up.
I’m not alone in the mountains, watching the clock, waiting to get older.
I’m about to turn twenty-seven, which feels incredible, because only a month or so ago, I felt like I was sixty-seven years old.
I felt used up and tired. The rest of my life felt…
” She closed her eyes, realizing she was talking too quickly.
“Take a breath,” Donna said.
Shelby inhaled and felt a smile play out across her lips. When she opened her eyes again, her heart had calmed. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for listening.”
“It’s what I’m here to do,” Donna said.