Chapter 10 Jodie
JODIE
I’ve been agitated all day since my run in with Kieren. Pushing him away felt like the right thing to do, but my stomach’s been in knots and my chest feels heavy.
Layla must have sensed my agitation because it took a long time for her to settle. I’ve finally got her down when the doorbell goes.
Layla’s eyes flick open, and she holds out a tubby fist.
“Who the hell comes calling during bedtime?” I mutter to myself. Obviously, someone who doesn’t have kids.
I pat her blanket down soothingly.
“I’ll just see who that is, sweetie. You get some sleep.”
I leave her gurgling to herself as I sneak quickly across the living room to the front door, hoping she can lull herself to sleep.
If she doesn’t get to sleep, I’m going to murder whoever’s on the other side of this door.
Pulling the door open a crack, my heart leaps into my throat when I see Kieren.
Despite myself, I feel a surge of warmth at his persistence. This guy doesn’t give up. Then I remember it’s because he doesn’t know about Layla. It’s easy to be persistent when you don’t know there’s a baby involved.
I step out onto the doorstep and pull the door closed behind me.
“How did you know where I live?”
Him turning up here is a bad idea. I only hope that Layla has taken herself off to sleep.
I’m not ready to explain to him about her yet.
I know that no matter what happens between us, he has a right to know about his daughter, but that will happen when I’m ready, when I can control my feelings around him. And that is definitely not tonight.
He indicates the parking lot. “It was easy to spot your vintage car.”
I can’t help my smile. Calling Bertha vintage is a polite way of saying she’d too old to be on the road.
Kieren must see my look as an invitation because he pulls a bunch of flowers from behind his back.
“Peace offering.”
They’re deep purple tulips, my favorite type of flower, and I feel my resolve slipping.
Kieren looks so contrite standing on the doorstep. How easy it would be to invite him in, to let him into my heart.
But that only leads to pain.
I hesitate, not sure if I should take the flowers or not. He’ll read too much into it if I do. There’s a loud wail from inside, the distinctive cry of a baby. My eyes dart to Kieren, and I catch the look as his eyes widen.
The wail turns to a steady cry, and I watch his reaction as realization sets in.
“You have a baby?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
For once, he’s too stunned to speak. “Is that why you’ve been brushing me off?”
I look at him long and hard.
Do I tell him? Do I tell Kieren he has a daughter? Would he run, or would he stay?
He’s a player. I met him at a bar. He won’t want to be saddled with a baby. I can’t tell him. Not yet.
When I first found out Layla was on the way, I hunted for Kieren. I tried to find him, convinced he would step up and do the right thing. But after eighteen months on my own, I’ve found my own way. Me and Layla have our own routines, and we’re fine without him.
No, I don’t need him disrupting our lives.
The cry gets louder, and Kieren shifts uncomfortably.
“Do you need to go see what it—ah, he, she wants?”
I pull the door open a crack.
“I do. Before she wakes my boyfriend,” I say quickly.
Kieren does a double take. I hate myself for the lie that rolls easily off my tongue. But I can’t do this right now. I can’t tell him the truth.
“You’re with someone?”
“Yes, Kieren. Babies have fathers, you know.”
He looks shell-shocked. His hair falls messily over his eyes, and I long to tuck it behind his ear, to pull him close. But I can’t. I must be firm.
“But the other day…?”
“Was nice. But it can’t happen again.”
Kieren’s still looking shocked as I duck inside the house.
“So, thank you for your concern, but we’re all doing just fine.”
As I close the door on him, my last impression is of Kieren with a broken look on his face, the bunch of tulips hanging by his side.
I lean with my back against the door for a moment, wondering if I’ve done the right thing, feeling regret for all that happened and all that could have been.
Then Layla wails again, and I go to her.
Regret is an indulgence I don’t have time for. I have a child to take care of.