Chapter 23 | Caleb
Caleb
The front porch was quiet besides the occasional creaking of the porch swing and the crickets in the grass. The air was warm and still, and the stars were glowing so brightly tonight.
Rae sat with her legs crisscrossed with a glass of sweet white wine in her hands, her eyes focused on the sky.
I sat next to her, a glass of whisky in my hand, watching her, and Duke lay at the porch steps, watching the yard.
After we had come back to my house, she wanted to go change and ended up taking a nap as well.
I made dinner for us while she slept. She’d woken up with a smile that I hadn’t seen much of since she’d come home.
She seemed relaxed during dinner and happy when I suggested sitting outside for a bit afterwards. She was wearing leggings and an oversized hoodie and looked stunning, but there was now a storm in her eyes that made me realize she was not as calm and cozy as she looked.
"Feels like I lost you to your thoughts. Where’d you go?" I asked with a low and gentle voice. I wanted to pull her back from where her mind was, not scare her out of it.
"Y-yeah, I’m sorry. Just tired. It's been a long day." She stretched and rubbed at her shoulder, probably feeling all of the tension she’d been holding onto.
I nodded, understanding that. I twisted the whisky glass around in my hands, wanting to offer to rub her shoulders, to help her relax, but not wanting her to pull back from me. I didn’t know if offering that would be too much for her, for us.
A minute of silence passed.
"Want me to rub your shoulders?" I decided to just ask. I would work every day to let her know she can trust me, so if she retreated a bit, I would work to regain her trust.
Rae stiffened almost immediately, and I noticed the change.
Crap. Her body tensed the way it did when she told me her secrets the other night.
However, her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply.
I watched her take a few deep breaths, and then she looked at me.
She seemed nervous, like she didn't know how to answer without possibly disappointing me.
"It's just your shoulders, Sunshine, and no pressure at all. I promise.”
After taking a couple more breaths, Rae nodded. "Okay," she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she turned towards me.
I smiled at her, took a pillow off the swing, and put it between my feet, motioning towards it when I looked at her. "Here, this should be more comfortable, and you can still change your mind if you want."
Rae hesitated but then slowly stood and moved to sit on the pillow.
“I’m going to move your hair off your shoulders first, is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for asking, Ranger.” Her calling me by my nickname made me smile.
I started by slowly moving Rae's hair out of the way. When I put my hands on her shoulders, I started off with just a little pressure. Within a few minutes, I could feel her start to relax, as if she was melting under the warmth of my hands. The more she relaxed, the more pressure I added.
"You’re carrying a lot of tension in your shoulders, Sunshine. You know, now you don't have to carry the weight of the world alone," I murmured as I gently worked to release the tension in her muscles.
"That's how it's felt all this time," she confessed as she closed her eyes.
“Well, you’re not alone anymore. I’ve got you.”
I continued to gently massage her shoulders and neck, and her breathing gradually changed.
Deeper. Slower. The only sounds around us were those of the crickets in the yard.
Soon she was so relaxed, she rested her head on my leg, and I moved my hands to her hair.
I ran my fingers from the roots to the end of her hair without saying a word, and she continued to relax.
I smiled when I realized I'd not seen her this calm since she came back to town.
"Hey, can I ask a question?" I quietly asked.
"Mhm," she said sleepily, her head still resting on my leg.
"When was the last time somebody held you? I mean actually held you, and not like when I hugged you for a while."
She was silent for a bit, and hadn’t moved, so I thought maybe she’d started to doze off. "It's been a long time," she whispered back.
I continued slowly raking my fingers through her hair, rubbing the pads of my fingers gently on her scalp. "Can I?" I asked, fully expecting her to tense up or say no, but she didn't. She nodded.
I helped her up, then sat back on the swing with one leg up and one hanging off and opened my arms for her.
She looked at me for a moment, and I gave her a reassuring smile.
To my surprise, she didn't hesitate. She sat and leaned her back against my chest. I gently kissed the top of her head and began playing with her hair again as I slowly swung the swing.
Within a few minutes, her head became heavy on my chest and her breathing slowed. She was asleep.
I didn't dare move. She trusted me. At least enough to fall asleep in my arms, and I could not have been happier. We stayed like that for a while as I ran my fingers up and down her arms.
When the air cooled, I knew I should get her in her bed where it was warm. I moved as carefully as I could to avoid waking her and gently picked her up in my arms like she weighed nothing.
Her eyes fluttered open. Dang it.
“What’s going on?” she asked, her voice heavy with exhaustion.
“Sshh...You’re safe. I’ve got you,” I whispered in her ear right before she put her head back on my chest.
I carried her inside and into her room, laying her on the bed. I pulled off her slippers and pulled the covers up around her.
I started to leave but turned back around to make sure the small night-light in the corner was on.
I wanted her to feel safe while she slept.
When I left the room, I kept the door open just a crack so she wouldn't feel trapped when she woke up.
I checked the front door to make sure it was locked and then turned the light on in the living room, like I often did before bed when I thought my nightmares would keep me awake.
I headed to my own room and peeked through the crack in the door just to make sure she was okay still. She looked so peaceful. And for the first time in a long time, I hoped maybe we could both rest easy tonight.