Chapter 54
Cal
Cal regarded the room Bea was talking about cleaning.
It would take more than a few hours to get it anywhere near hospitable.
He hated that she had to live here. Why hadn’t he done something about it before?
Helped her to get somewhere better? Offered her the use of his own place in town?
He was ashamed of himself. Not only for that, but for not considering the baby thing until it was too late.
The selfish truth of it was that until he’d realised that he was in love with Bea, Cal hadn’t thought the baby would matter.
And he certainly hadn’t considered how it might feel for a woman to be in that situation.
The truth of it was, he’d thought he would have sex on tap for a couple of months and after that he wouldn’t have sex on tap.
The truth of it was that he was an idiot.
‘I’ll drive you to the airport,’ he said. Maybe he could change her mind. ‘We can talk on the way.’
‘No, Cal.’ Bea picked up a duster and turned to the mantelpiece, her body stiff.
Cal could see it was forced; she was shutting him off and the pain of that broke him.
He wanted to take her to him, hold her close and tell her it would all be okay, that they would find a way together and that he would always love her, no matter what happened.
But when she sensed him standing there, she turned from the mantelpiece, walked out of the lounge and opened the front door.
‘Please, I think you should leave now, Cal. Thank you for everything. Every single moment has been wonderful, and I will never forget you.’
Cal couldn’t believe this was happening.
The woman who was so free and open with him – who had taught him how to let go and to love – was shutting him out, denying her own heart.
How could he get her to be the one to let go and love?
Cal had no idea. He wasn’t armed with those skills.
He studied Bea for a time, willing her with his stare to see how serious he was, but she merely stared back with a tenacity that surpassed his own.
Against his feelings, Cal, reluctantly, leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, inhaling one last waft of that sweet amber and honeysuckle scent. An aching thud hit him and tears pooled in his eyes.
Bea darted her glance away. Maybe she didn’t want to see him so vulnerable. Or maybe she felt the same and didn’t want him to see her welling up, too. He didn’t know and he couldn’t make her admit anything.
Cal examined her for a moment longer, willing her to meet his gaze so he could convince her intuitively that they belonged together. But when she looked at him again, although her eyes were glistening, he saw a resolve that he knew he had to respect.
‘I will never forget you either, Bea,’ he said. ‘And I will never, ever stop loving you, no matter what. If you ever change your mind about us, I will be here for you, in my little corner of this rainy wee country.’
‘Okay, goodbye, Cal.’ Bea’s words were choked but she was holding herself together, which, if she was dealing with the emotions he was, he had to commend her for.
She was a woman of principle and the fact that she knew exactly what she wanted from a relationship only made him love her more.
He wondered how he was ever meant to forget her but accepted he probably never would.