20. Cici
CICI
The drive home to Lake Norman should have felt exhausting after everything that had happened over the last few days, but I couldn't stop smiling.
Chicago had been unexpected.
Todd had been unexpected.
The fake engagement was ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. If someone had told me that I'd be pretending to be married to a very successful businessman I'd met during a snowstorm in Aspen, I would've laughed in their face.
Yet somehow, here I was.
My fingers tightened around the steering wheel as I thought about him standing in front of the reporters outside the hotel.
Yes, this is my fiancée.
He didn’t even hesitate or look uncomfortable while lying to those reporters.
He hadn't warned me.
The memory made me laugh softly. The sound faded as another wave of nausea rolled through my stomach. I swallowed hard.
"Seriously?"
I cracked the window and took a slow breath.
Maybe it was travel.
Maybe it was stress.
Maybe it was the room service burger I'd eaten on the plane.
The nausea eased enough for me to focus on the road again.
Then a thought hit me.
I frowned.
A second later, my stomach dropped.
No.
I mentally counted backward.
Then counted again.
My pulse began to race.
No.
No, no, no.
I was late.
Not by a day or two.
More than that.
My heart started pounding so hard I could hear it.
The next pharmacy I saw, I pulled into the parking lot without thinking.
Five minutes later, I walked back out carrying a small white bag that suddenly felt like it weighed fifty pounds.
This was ridiculous.
I was probably overreacting.
Stress could affect your cycle.
Travel could affect your cycle.
Being thrown into a fake engagement while somebody mysteriously planted confidential files on your computer could probably affect your cycle too.
I almost laughed at that.
Almost.
By the time I pulled into my driveway, my hands were shaking.
The house felt unusually quiet as I stepped inside.
Normally I loved the silence.
Today it felt different.
I set my purse on the counter and stared at the pharmacy bag.
Maybe I should wait.
Maybe I should unpack first.
Maybe I should take a shower.
Maybe—
"Nope."
I grabbed the bag and headed for the bathroom before I could lose my nerve.
A few minutes later, I found myself sitting on the closed toilet lid staring at a small plastic stick resting on the counter.
Waiting.
The longest three minutes of my life.
My knee bounced uncontrollably.
I looked away.
Looked back.
Looked away again.
Then finally forced myself to read the result.
Positive.
I blinked.
Positive.
For several seconds, my brain refused to process what I was seeing.
It was positive. I couldn’t look away from the test.
I wasn't imagining it.
The result wasn't unclear.
There wasn't any room for interpretation.
I was pregnant.
The bathroom suddenly felt too small. I lowered my face into my hands.
"Oh my God."
The words came out as a whisper. Pregnant with Todd's baby. A strange laugh escaped me before tears burned behind my eyes.
They weren’t sad tears exactly. More like shock and fear rolled into one. I couldn’t believe it.
All of it tangled together.
I thought about my biological mother. The woman I'd spent most of my life believing was my sister.
I thought about secrets. About lies. About discovering that everything I believed about my family wasn't true.
For years, I'd promised myself that if I ever had children, their lives would never be built on secrets.
They would know who they were.
They would know they were loved.
No games, lies, or confusion.
The thought made my chest ache.
A baby.
I looked down at the test again.
A baby.
Mine.
Todd's.
Fear hit me next.
What if he didn't want this?
What if he thought I was trying to trap him?
What if he looked at me and only saw a complication?
The fake engagement suddenly felt much more complicated than it had a few days ago.
I pressed my lips together. Todd wasn't like that. At least, I didn't think he was.
I thought about him sleeping beside me.
I thought about the way he watched every room we entered as if he was responsible for my safety.
I thought about him carrying my bag.
About him checking on me.
About him making space for me in his life when he didn't have to.
The fear didn't disappear.
But it softened.
Because the truth was, somewhere along the way, I'd started trusting him.
That realization settled heavily in my chest.
Trusting Todd Archer had seemed impossible a few weeks ago.
Now I couldn't imagine not telling him.
I reached for my phone.
My thumb hovered over his contact.
I could call him right now.
I could tell him in less than thirty seconds.
Instead, I lowered the phone.
No.
This wasn't something I wanted to tell him over the phone.
I wanted to look him in the eye.
I wanted to see his reaction.
Whatever it was.
Good or bad.
I owed him that.
We both deserved that.
My fingers moved across the screen before I could second-guess myself.
Are you free tomorrow night?
The response came almost immediately.
For you? Always.
My stomach flipped.
For an entirely different reason this time.
I smiled despite myself.
Dinner at my place?
A few seconds passed.
I'll be there.
I stared at the screen for a moment before setting the phone aside.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I would tell him.
I threw the empty box in the trash and carried the pregnancy test into my bedroom. I wrapped it in a tissue and tucked it carefully into the top drawer of my dresser.
Then I walked out onto the back deck overlooking the lake. The evening sun reflected off the water, turning everything gold. The view had always made me feel peaceful but tonight, it felt different.
Like I was standing on the edge of something.
Something terrifying. Something wonderful.
For the first time in years, I allowed myself to imagine a future that didn't feel lonely.
Todd.
A baby.
A family.
The thought should have scared me.
Instead, it filled me with hope.
The strange files on my computer felt like a distant memory now. Nothing else had happened since Aspen. Maybe whatever that had been was over. Maybe Todd was right. Maybe everything would be okay.
Maybe this thing between us wasn't as temporary as we'd both pretended.
I rested my hand against my stomach and smiled.
Tomorrow, I will tell him.