24. Cici
CICI
Iwoke up alone.
For a few seconds, I didn't remember why my chest hurt.
Then I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling above my bed.
Everything came rushing back.
My hand moved automatically to my stomach.
I wasn't showing yet. There was nothing to see. Nothing had physically changed except the occasional nausea and the exhaustion that seemed to settle deeper into my bones every day.
But everything had changed.
I was pregnant. I was alone. And I hadn't heard from Todd for three days.
A small part of me had convinced itself that he would call. That he would show up at my door. That he would realize there had to be another explanation for the files appearing on my laptop. That he would fight for us.
Instead, my phone sat silent on the nightstand. There were no missed calls, no text messages, nothing at all.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Maybe that was what hurt the most. Not the accusations, and not even the fact that he hadn't believed me. It was the silence that followed.
Todd Archer wasn't a man who struggled to communicate. When he wanted something, he made it happen.
When he had decided we needed to pretend to be engaged, he had announced it to the world before I could argue.
When he wanted to protect me, he moved heaven and earth. When he wanted me, he had never been shy about saying so.
Now there was nothing.
He didn't believe me. He didn't want this baby. And worst of all, he didn't want me.
A tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.
I brushed it away angrily.
"No."
My voice sounded rough in the empty room.
I wasn't doing this.
I wasn't going to spend every day crying over someone who had already made his choice.
Because that was another fact.
Todd had left after I told him I was pregnant. I could still see the look on his face, the stunned silence that settled between us as he struggled to process everything. He hadn't argued or shouted; he had simply said nothing, before eventually walking out the door.
I threw the covers aside and climbed out of bed.
The house was quiet and empty. Every room reminded me of him.
The kitchen where he had stood making me tea, moving around as though he belonged there.
The deck where we had spent entire afternoons talking, losing track of time as the sun drifted across the lake.
The couch where I had fallen asleep against him, feeling safer than I had in years.
The memory of his laugh seemed to linger everywhere.
I hated it.
By noon, I had managed exactly half a piece of toast and three cups of tea.
My stomach wasn't interested in food.
My heart wasn't interested in much of anything.
I found myself staring at my phone again.
Still nothing.
I laughed bitterly.
What was I expecting?
An apology?
A declaration of love?
A text message that said he had made a terrible mistake?
The man hadn't contacted me in days.
That should have been answer enough.
I unlocked my phone and searched my contacts.
My thumb hovered over his name.
Todd Archer.
One tap and I could call him.
One tap and I could ask the questions that had been keeping me awake at night.
Will you ever believe me?
Did you ever love me?
Do you want this baby?
I stared at the screen for several long seconds.
Then I locked the phone and set it face down.
No.
I wasn't chasing someone who had already walked away. I deserved better than that. More importantly, my child deserved better than that.
The thought steadied me.
For the first time since everything had happened, I walked into my office.
The room overlooked the lake. Normally the view brought me peace. Today it just reminded me how much my life was about to change.
I sat down at my desk and opened my laptop.
The aviation job board appeared on the screen.
For a moment, I simply stared at it.
My contract with Todd's company wasn't permanent. Eventually it would end anyway. Maybe this was the sign I needed.
Maybe it was time to find something else.
Something that didn't require extended time away from home.
Something that would let me be present for doctor's appointments and school plays and soccer games someday.
A lump formed in my throat.
Soccer games.
I hadn't even had my first doctor's appointment yet, and I was already imagining the future. Maybe I was being foolish. Maybe I wasn't. Either way, I wasn't going to let fear make my decisions.
I started scrolling through listings.
Regional charter companies.
Corporate flight departments.
Private operators based in Charlotte.
The practical side of my brain took over.
Salary.
Benefits.
Schedule.
Location.
I made notes.
Created a spreadsheet.
Compared options.
For the first time in days, I felt something other than heartbreak.
Control.
The feeling was small and fragile.
But it was there.
The afternoon slipped by without me noticing as I worked through listings and notes, losing myself in the steady rhythm of planning.
By the time I finally pushed away from the desk, the sun had begun sinking toward the water, casting long streaks of gold across the lake.
My eyes burned from staring at the screen, and a dull ache had settled into my shoulders, but for the first time in days, I felt like I had accomplished something.
I had a plan. Maybe not a perfect one. Maybe not the future I thought I was building.
But it was mine.
I walked outside and stepped onto the deck.
The lake stretched out before me, calm and glassy beneath the fading light.
It was the same view Todd and I had shared countless times, the same peaceful water that had witnessed our conversations, our laughter, and the slow, unexpected way I had fallen in love with him.
I wrapped my arms around myself. For a moment, the sadness threatened to swallow me again. I let it, even if it was just for a minute.
I let myself grieve the future I thought I was going to have. The man I thought loved me. The family I thought we were building together.
Then I wiped my eyes. Because grieving wasn't the same thing as giving up.
I looked out across the water.
"I've got you," I whispered.
My hand settled against my stomach.
The baby couldn't hear me.
Not yet.
Maybe not for a while.
But the words still mattered.
"I've got you."
The evening breeze lifted my hair.
For the first time since Todd walked away, I believed it.
Whatever happened next, I would figure it out.
I always had.
Todd Archer had made his choice.
Now it was time for me to make mine.
And I wasn't waiting for him anymore.