21. Hearts and Healing
As if by unspoken communication, Claire and Pat kept their distance from each other the next day. They’d shared morning greetings, but not much else. Claire received a call from Janie. Her friend had said they’d be up in Chapala so they could come over and use the sauna.
Claire was packing her swimsuit in a bag when a tapping came on her door. She opened it to find Pat outside.
“I was wondering if you might like to have dinner with me tonight.”
“Janie’s picking me up and we’re spending the day at a friend’s house. I’m not sure when we’ll be back.
“Tomorrow night then.”
Claire nodded. “That works.”
“Seven?”
“Great.”
He hesitated. “Claire, what transpired with Charlie happened a very long time ago.”
She bristled at his words. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
“I’m just saying that he would have wanted us to move on.”
Claire crossed her arms. “I did. To be honest, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. At least, not for now.”
He nodded his head. “Certainly. Well then, have fun with Janie. Until tomorrow.” Pat strode off across the yard.
After closing the door behind her, Claire went over to the table. She’d been making a checklist of all the pros and cons of accepting the job offer. She sat and stared at the paper. Picking up her pen, she wrote ‘stay’ or ‘go’ in bold capital letters. Her mind refused to give her any insights into either direction.
Maybe she could consider the differences between home and here.
Home.
Was it home any longer?
Her phone rang, letting her know that Janie was waiting outside for her. She closed the notebook, not any further along in deciding.
Exiting the walled garden, she waved to Janie.
“Hi-ya!” Janie spoke as Claire got into the car.
“Hello to you too. Thanks for setting this up. I think it will be nice to sit in a sauna and have a good sweat.”
“Yes, plus it’s warm enough we can probably lay out on the veranda for a bit. Did you bring a book?”
Claire cocked her eyebrow and Janie laughed.
“Of course you would. I did too. Do you want to stop by the market and grab some things for lunch?”
“Sounds good.”
After stopping to grab items to make a mish-mash of snacks and finger foods, they headed off to the house. Driving up a road that led into the hillside, they found themselves at a large, gated entrance. Janie punched in some numbers and the gates opened.
“Wow. This is some place.”
“Right? Wait until you see the view from the living room.” Janie said before pulling her car into a vacant spot.
The pair got out of the car and made their way to the side door that had a keypad. Janie punched in some numbers and the door released its lock. She opened the door, and they walked into a beautiful hallway, but as they rounded the corner, Claire gasped.
“You weren’t kidding on that view. Wow.”
“I know, right?” Janie came over and they gazed over the city, the lake, and toward the hills on the other side where the factories’ growing strawberries were visible.
“Do you want to do the sauna first or eat?”
“Sauna first.”
“Sounds good. Follow me.” Janie showed Claire an enormous bathroom where she could change into her swimsuit. They then descended a flight of stairs to the lower level of the home.
“Is that what I think it is?” Claire pointed to the corner of the room.
“Yep. Hot tub. And of course, there’s the pool outside.”
Claire sighed. “What a treat.”
“Let’s go.” Janie pointed to a doorway.
The sauna was large and held some salt lamps. They each lay down on the teak benches, allowing the steam to fill the room. Claire felt her muscles relaxing as the sweat trickled down from her brow. This would be good for her continued healing.
They didn’t speak much and after some time Janie said she was ready to get outside. Claire agreed. The pair moved out of the sauna and even though the room was warm, the coolness of it compared to the sauna felt good.
Janie threw down her towel and yelled, “Come on!” She raced over to the pool and jumped in. Coming up out of the air, she screamed, “Ah, cold.”
“I’m not coming in there. You’re crazy!”
“You have to. I double-dog dare you. Plus, it’s not that bad.”
“Liar!”
“Chicken!”
Claire whooped and ran over, jumping into the pool. The water was icy but not freezing. It took a moment, but then she relaxed against it.
Janie laughed. “See, it’s not so bad after the initial shock.”
“Oh, my gosh. This reminds me of the time we thought we’d try swimming in a mountain lake.”
“I’d forgotten about that. Now that was crazy!”
Janie floated on her back. “We were crazy back then. Up for anything.”
Claire joined her. “True. Over the years I forgot about trying new things or taking a chance.”
Janie righted herself. “Ready for the hot tub?”
“Yes.”
The pair climbed up the stairs of the pool and walked a short way to take the steps down into the hot tub. The warm water caressed her body, and Claire laid her head against the tub’s edge. “Divine.”
“Speaking of taking a chance…have you decided what you plan to do?”
“No. I have a pros and cons list and can’t get any insights either way.”
Janie dropped to a lower seat. “It’s because you’re trying to look for a path forward with your mind instead of your heart.”
“Possibly.”
“No. Really. But I’ve given you lots of advice. Now it’s up to you. But I’m enjoying doing things with you again. Just think how lonely I’ll be if you decide to leave?” She stuck out her lip in a mock pout.
“Oh, stop with the faux face.”
Janie laughed. “I’ve never said I have a faux face, more like a different kind of face.”
Claire chuckled. “You’re something, you know?”
“I do.” Janie closed her eyes and Claire followed suit.
They sat in the tub in silence, with Claire’s mind devoid of thought. After some time, they got out of the tub, grabbing some robes from nearby hooks. “It’s okay. Cheryl said we’re to help ourselves to these. Now, let’s spread out that grub. Want to do a picnic on the patio floor? The tile’s warm from the sun and I think it would be nice.”
“I’m game.”
They spread towels on the ground and laid out the food between them. Claire took a sip of the lemon-flavored sparkling water. The glass container was cool on her warm hand and she nibbled at the olives, cheeses, and crackers.
“Here.” Janie bounced up from her position, grabbing two pillows from a nearby chaise. Claire laid one under her arm.
“This is exactly what the doctor ordered. Thanks for this, Janie. I already feel so good.”
“Good.” Janie laid her head back against the pillow, watching as pillowy clouds floated above them. Her eyes closed.
“Janie?”
“Um hm?”
“Did Pat tell you about what happened?”
“Only that if you wanted to tell me, you would.”
Claire shared the story with Janie.
Finally, Janie turned on her side and gazed at Claire. “That is seriously something wild. What are the odds?”
“Probably very few.”
“Exactly. Which means it’s meant to be then.”
“What is?”
“You and Pat.”
Claire leaned back against a column. “So enough about me. What about you? Why haven’t you remarried after Al died?”
Janie popped a grape into her mouth, chewing.
Claire waited.
Finally, Janie said, “Freedom, I suppose. Everything happened so fast in my youth. College, then marriage. Then kids. Then it was work. Once the kids were grown and flown, I thought things would settle, but they didn’t. I was busier than ever. And I was happy. But then one day, I wasn’t. I kept rushing through life and couldn’t stop. Then the kids had kids, and all moved away for work or choice. Al and I became more like roommates in some ways. But I was still content.”
She stopped, her voice quiet. “Until one day when I was at work and got a call. It was Al. I rushed to the hospital, but it was too late. Just one of those things. You’re fine one minute and the next your heart decides to stop beating.”
“I recall hearing about it when it happened,” Claire said.
“Yes, I got the flowers you sent and the journal. It was perfect timing. Everyone does things right away, but you’d waited. That’s why it stood out. It came a month later. I started journaling. What did I want? I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t know what I needed, much less what I wanted. But every night I wrote in that journal. It spilled out of me. The anger, the regret. The what-ifs. The longing. The fear. Every emotion known to a woman flooded onto those pages. And then one day, I wrote in big, bold letters, ENOUGH.”
She smiled at Claire as she crossed her legs. “I had gotten so focused on trying to figure everything out that I had stopped moving forward. Had stayed a shell. I was living, but I wasn’t thriving. The next day I got up and when I wanted to do something, I did it. When I didn’t want to do something, I didn’t.”
Janie continued, “Let me tell you, my house was a wreck for a while. Then I got on a kick of getting rid of stuff. I knew my kids wouldn’t want it. And once I’d done that, I sat in my house and questioned why I even had that house. So I put it up for sale. I figured I’d travel for a bit and then maybe settle down close to one of the kids. That was five years ago.”
Claire shifted her weight, moving to place her forearm on the ground. She stretched out before grabbing a piece of cheese and a cracker. “And men?”
“I tried those dating things. But that’s what I meant about freedom. I could go to bed when I wanted and get up when I wanted. I could do as I pleased. It had been Al, then the kids, then the bosses, and the list goes on and on. I decided I deserved my time. So far, I haven’t met anyone that makes me want to change that. What about you? You’ve had that freedom. Is the thought of giving it up what concerns you about your relationship with Pat?”
“I suppose. I’ve been alone for so long. I’m not even sure I know how to be one half of a whole.”
Janie sipped at her drink before answering. “True. But then Pat’s been on his own for a long time too. And it’s not two halves, it’s the joining of two whole people. It’s like peanut butter and jelly and you’re just adding the bread to stick together.”
Claire laughed, tilting her face to the sun. “Yeah, that’s it. PBJ. Not sure about the analogy, but I get your point.”
“My point is this. I had to stop trying to figure things out and just let things happen. And they have happened better than I’d ever imagined. Every day I can’t wait to see what’s going to show up. Like you did! I’m so glad that you and I have reconnected. I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it. Some things you can’t plan or plot, but they show up and are even better.”
“Agreed. Now I think I’m going to do the icy dip again. You in?”
“Beat you to it!” They sprung up and raced to the pool, where they made a big splash.
The rest of the day Janie and Claire spent the day reading, eating, and enjoying going in and out of the sauna, pool, and hot tub. As the day grew later, they cleaned up and dressed back in their regular clothes.
“I don’t know about you, but I feel so good,” Claire responded.
“Yes. Pretty much. So worth it. I need to do this more often.” Janie slung her big bag over her shoulder. They carried the robes they’d worn to the laundry on their way out, locking the door behind them.
“I need to get your friend a thank-you gift.”
Janie waved it away. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Well, at least a card.”
“Okay. That works.”
They drove back and stopped for dinner before Janie dropped Claire off at home. The air had turned chilly and Claire rubbed her shoulders as she waved Janie off. Inserting the key into the lock, she opened the gate. Her eyes drifted to Pat’s house, but instead of being lit up with lights, the house was dark.
Where had he gone?
It shouldn’t matter to Claire, but she looked forward to even those brief moments when they’d see each other in the morning or evenings. His car was there, so he’d either walked or gone with someone else.
A slip of paper was taped to her window. Unlocking her door, she went inside and turned on the light.
Unfolding the paper, she read Pat’s words. “I hope your day with Janie was good. And I hope you had some time to think. Until tomorrow.”
Time to think.
Was he also thinking about what the future held for each of them?