34
KING
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Waking up and finding myself in Erica’s apartment again, I kiss her and suck her breasts. She moans my name, trying to warn me that I shouldn’t be here. Knowing I should listen, I go full steam ahead anyway, pulling the front of my pants down. We’re now on her bed as she lies naked before me.
“King you should… stop. You’re going to feel bad about this,” she whispers, her breath catching.
“I know. I can’t stop. I can’t. You feel so good,” I whisper into her mouth as I kiss her again, slipping inside of her.
There didn’t even feel as if there was any transition.
One minute I was hard, my penis tucked safely behind my boxers.
In the next, I’m sliding into her vagina, a warm pool of delight that I have denied myself for so long.
I managed to stay away from the touch of a woman for so very long.
Thrusting inside her endlessly as her voice starts to shriek in pleasure, I start to rise along with her, only to wake up with my heart beating very fast, still feeling horny.
Grunting for a minute as my eyes flutter, I sit up in bed.
Checking myself, I see that I’m wet. It’s not semen, just a lot of pre-ejaculate.
My balls hurt and it’s excruciating, this agonizing horniness.
Ever since I woke up yesterday morning in her apartment having sinned with her, I’ve been trying to control myself, to control my mind and my spirit, and for a while it feels like I’m failing.
Even as I found myself praising God there was no joy in it, there was just shame.
And part of the shame I’m feeling is because I feel sick not being around her.
My flesh is so hungry for the sin that it’s making me feel symptoms of withdrawal.
At least that’s what it seems like to me.
I need to get busy, so I prepare myself and go to the gym. When I come back from the gym, I take a shower since I worked up quite the sweat.
In the shower, as I close my eyes and let the water hit me, all I can think about is Erica sucking me off.
Opening my eyes for a moment, I realize there is a sound in the shower with me. It’s the sound of me moaning just at the thought, at the memory of her lips on my penis.
My hard penis.
Trying to shake the sinful thoughts away, I focus on washing myself.
The warm water glides over my penis, which is rock hard and sensitive.
As I’m washing it, I want to wash the leaky parts away.
To do that I have to grip it with my hand, starting from the base of my erection and working the water gliding over me to the tip.
Before I know it, I’m stroking myself with my hand without even realizing it.
Taking a shuddering breath as I feel my orgasm coming while thinking about Erica and my fingers inside of her, I realize I’m about to come. My mouth opens with a quaking breath.
Stopping, I plant my hands in front of me on the tiles of the shower.
Catching my breath, I realize I got very close to the edge of my orgasm. It dies down just a fraction.
Then I wash my penis again, very slowly stroking nice and slow, edging myself again.
The idea of getting close and not going over is in and of itself arousing because maybe if I enjoy the feeling and not going all the way, I can learn to discipline myself from not going all the way with Erica.
So I picture her in my mind, kissing me on my lap, taking off her shirt and exposing those beautiful breasts, the stud in her belly button shining like a real diamond as she plays with her breasts. I stroke faster, getting closer, tempted to go over the edge.
“Erica,” my voice spills out in a passionate whisper as I get closer to the edge.
Closer.
Closer.
Clo… ser
I’m going to come.
“Don’t you dare, King,” her voice echoes in my mind.
It’s too late. I have to. I have to.
“How can you ask me that when you look like that?” I exhale in an uneven breath.
Then there’s a loud noise as the shower sputters. My eyes shoot open, realizing what I’m doing.
Wait, what am I doing?
My hand falls away hard from my penis as I breathe hard, fighting off the orgasm which only stops right before it went over the edge of the cliff.
“God forgive me. Father forgive me. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me please I’m sorry,” I say, lightly hitting my forehead on the tile in front of me.
I managed to not masturbate in many years. I might have made that mistake with Erica, but I refuse to fall off that wagon.
I get out of the shower and gel my hair. That’s what I’ve had to do. Just try to fall back into the mundane, which almost feels impossible. My mind feels heavy with thoughts of what Erica might be doing right now. Is she thinking about me the way I’m thinking about her?
I’ve seen that she obviously at least practices touching herself, like the time when I first saw her lying down beside me with her hands in her pants, and then when she told me she was going to. She probably masturbates often, being into sex as much as she is.
Who does she think about when she does?
Does she think about me?
She has to.
She told me that she thinks about me all the time .
Does that mean when she’s masturbating too?
Does she have dreams about me?
And if she does , what are they about?
Is it us together?
Is it what we did?
She probably feels no guilt over this, so she’s probably thinking about it right now…
Thinking about her throat swallowing my pulsating ejaculation, the way that I was throbbing with each jet of my orgasm, the way her mouth felt on me…
Stabbing pain travels from my knee up my leg as I accidentally hit it on the cupboard knob right in front of me when my phone ringing and vibrating on the sink countertop scares me half to death.
I’ve been slicking back for a good 3 minutes anyway. It only takes about 30 seconds.
Looking at the phone, my heart kicks into gear thinking it might be Erica. But it’s not. It’s Aaliyah. What is she calling me for? For a split second I entertain the horrible notion that she might know what I did with Erica. And if that’s the case, would she tell the whole church?
I’m terrified. Picking up the phone, my finger shakes a little bit as I answer.
“Brother King?”
“Hey, Sister Aaliyah.”
“Hi! How are you?” she states, sounding cheery as she usually does when we talk. This tells me that she doesn’t know.
Thank goodness. Thank you Lord for your small mercies even though I know I don’t deserve them.
“I’m doing all right, just a little… a little tired.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s all good. How are you?” I ask, wanting to end this conversation.
“I’m doing okay. But the reason I’m calling is because… I have to ask you for a favor,” she says, almost as if she’s grimacing on the other end of the line.
She hardly ever asks me for anything, so it must be important. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“Well… you’re not going to believe this but my mom’s fence is busted. A deer decided to go through it.”
“Oh wow, that’s terrible. Are you okay?” I ask curiously.
“Yeah, I’m fine. My mom’s okay. A little shaken up. She saw what happened and at first she heard a very loud noise and then she saw the deer struggling to get up after it went through the fence,” she answers.
“Was it a buck?”
“I’m not really sure. I’m not a deer expert,” she giggles.
Sharing in her soft laughter, I start putting on my clothes. “So how bad is the fence?”
“It’s pretty bad. It’s expensive to fix also. That’s why I called you. I know that you’re very skilled in construction and fixing things and I know that you worked on a fence for Brother Tilo and Sister Karimac and probably like a lot of other people… I know it’s not—”
“Sister Aaliyah.”
“Hmm?”
“Say no more. I’ll fix your mom’s fence,” I assure her with a smile even though she can’t see it.
“Really? Will you? Oh my gosh, are you sure?” she asks sweetly.
“I’ll be happy to help,” I reply.
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