44
When I reach back to town, Erica seems genuinely happy to hear from me. She takes me to a bowling place so we can talk while we play. We’re in the middle of a game, and the sound of pins crashing fills the air as we take turns.
“So do you like the place? I think that's what's most important,” Erica says. She picks up her bowling ball, swings her arm back, and throws it down the lane. It rolls straight and knocks down most of the pins with a loud crash.
“I… I think it would be a good place for a shop. And it's cheap,” I reply.
“Just because something is cheap, Zoe, doesn't mean that you should just jump on it and buy it.
As far as you told me, that place has been sitting for a long while and there's so much work that needs to be done.
That's like taking on a headache. You know what I think that place is for?” she asks, turning back around to look at me.
“What?”
“For rich people who can afford to buy six or seven properties in one day.
For them that would be nothing . But to buy that and take on that responsibility and then on top of that fix everything that needs to be fixed when you don't even have the money to afford the place…
especially on top of the debts that you're trying to take care of now…
I don't know, it just seems like one big horrible financial decision.”
This surprises me, her telling me this. Smiling a little, I walk up next to her as we switch spots for the next turn. I grab my ball and step up to the lane.
“I didn't think you’d tell me that,” I admit.
“Tell you what ?”
Shrugging a shoulder, I look away from her. “I really thought you were going to tell me to just go for it.”
“Why the hell would I tell you to do that? I wouldn't be a friend to you if I did.”
“I even had King come to look at the place and he basically almost said the same thing.”
“You had King… look at it?” she asks, and there is a slight pause in her voice, almost like her face lit up at the mention of King.
“Well he did construction and stuff so yeah I needed his input on what the place would need and about how much it would cost since he has that kind of experience with those things and material and… labor costs,” I inform her.
Why is she swallowing so hard?
“Do you still talk to King?” I ask her.
“Why?”
Now why would she ask me that? That is not good.
Standing straight for a minute, I look at her. “What do you mean why ?” I giggle at her, trying not to give away how nervous I am and how much I'm shaking.
“I mean… yeah we talk. I mean I work at the church so. Sometimes.”
Oh my gosh, Erica is stuttering. What the heck is going on?
“Erica? Why are you… did something happen with you guys or something?”
“What do you mean?” she giggles. She steps up to the lane again, lines up her shot, and sends the ball rolling. It hits the pins hard, scattering them everywhere.
“Oh my gosh. You're being super cagey right now.”
“Nothing is going on,” she says, not looking at me, and even though she is dark skinned I swear I can see her face turning darker.
Walking to her, I hold her shoulder to keep her steady.
“You can talk to me, you know,” I tell her.
“I don't know, Zoe. Lately whenever I do try to talk to you about something you fly off the handle at me.”
“That was before. And I'm sorry. But you can tell me things and I feel like you're not telling me.”
“You don't tell me everything either,” she shoots back, getting a little too defensive.
"You're right and… I'm sorry. We've just both been busy and… honestly… you hang out with all these other people that I have nothing in common with."
"Zoe…" she says, her tone softening.
We both walk over to our table. She sits across from me and takes my hand.
"I'm sorry. But just because I hang out with other people doesn't mean we still can't be friends too.
I get along with a lot of people and if you would come along with me you'd see that it's fun and a lot of them are really nice. "
"Really? The people that drugged you out by the Water Tower and the guy that tried to stick his hand down your pants while you were passed out probably overdosing from that stuff? That's what you call having nice friends?"
"Okay, I'm not saying that he was nice, or Jun. And I wouldn't even say Jun is necessarily a bad person; he’s just hella unreliable. But the other people I met there were pretty nice."
" Yeah, I beg to differ, Erica," I scoff. "Those people were all high or drunk and didn't care anything about you or your safety. The only thing I regret is that I should have been there to protect you or talk you out of it or something. I still feel bad about that night."
"You don't have to. Honestly," she says, leaning back with a smile, letting her hand fall away from mine. "Look… you're my closest friend that I have here. And I know that you feel the same but… I understand I have to earn your trust and you have to earn mine."
"Do you feel like I haven't earned your trust?" I ask.
She hesitates.
"Guess I deserve that," I mutter under my breath.
"No it's just…"
"It's about King, isn't it?" I ask. Because this is how this whole conversation started with her in the first place. Her gold eyes pop open and then relax as if she's trying to hide her reaction.
"There… I mean… it's no secret how I feel about King. But it is awkward if you like him too. I don't feel like it's right to brag in your face or-"
"I told you I don't like him like that!" I lie to her.
My heart feels shame honestly because here we are talking about honesty and I'm straight up lying through my teeth.
"That's what you tell me Zoe but see right there. You're not being honest."
"I have a crush on him."
"Yeah that means you like him!" she says through a half laugh.
"I admire him. It's not like I want to get married to him or anything. If you like him it's fine. It's not like I'm looking for a relationship now anyway. And I don't like him that much anymore. He and I are just friends."
"Yeah I don't think he's going to ever be in a relationship with anyone," she says to me.
"But why are you afraid to talk to me about him?"
"I already told you."
"No. You're not telling me everything," I say hypocritically.
She won't answer and tries to change the subject but I refuse to let her. "Did something happen between you and King?"
Oh my gosh. The fact that she's hesitating makes my heart drop. "Did you guys…" Looking both ways, I lean in closer to her. "...Have sex?" I whisper.
When she falls silent, I try to fight as hard as I can to keep my face in a happy stance. "You did?!"
"We almost did," she admits.
This really disappoints me. Of course I can't tell her this because if I tell her that, she won't tell me anything.
And to know where I stand with King, I have to know everything, which means I have to pretend I'm okay with this.
But if Erica truly likes King and I have feelings for him, it's going to hurt her if King and I get together, which doesn't seem very likely with Erica and him almost having sex.
As much as it hurts my heart, I need to know more.
So I give her a smile as if I'm excited to hear this.
I'm not.
"How did that almost happen? King is like… super pious. I thought he wasn’t into that."
"Oh he's into it," she says with her eyes widening, looking off to the side to emphasize how much he is.
There's a lump in my throat of heartbreak. I've liked him for so long and even before Erica moved here. It's not fair.
"So how do you know like what happened how did this start?"
"It's a long story Zoe. I… you don't want all the details."
"Yes I do! I mean this is what you wanted wasn't it? Do you like him like that? Or do you want to have sex with him?" I ask a little bit too loud before I hush.
"At first it was… like I said I liked him I'm attracted to him. Who isn't? But then… especially after what happened when we got stranded in the wilderness… my feelings just got stronger."
There's an opportunity here. "Erica that's completely normal. You guys went through something really traumatic together. It's called trauma bonding. It doesn't mean you actually have feelings for him."
"That's what I thought at first too but. Since we've been back… he and I… we've gotten a little closer."
This is a surprise to me. I didn't know she was hanging out with King like that past what I saw at the camp. Now that King is no longer at the Youth Camp does that mean that he's hanging out with her a lot more?
"So… when did you guys almost have sex?" I pry.
Erica undoes her bun letting her dreads fall around her face making her look prettier. "Um… two days ago."
"Two days ago?" I ask, shocked, because I would have never known this from my interaction with King yesterday. He mentioned absolutely nothing and I know. Why would he?
But… he seemed just as normal as he usually does.
"Yah," she answers.
"Well don't just leave it there. Like how… how did you even get there?" I ask, sounding frantic.
She shrugs. "We didn't do it. We almost did."
"But he stopped in time?"
"Actually…" Her lip turns up at one corner of her mouth. "I stopped him."
"Wait… what?"
"Yeah. He was… a little too excited and-"
"What was he even doing at your apartment?" I ask, aware of how my voice is becoming a little more annoyed.
"He was mad at me and he showed up to tell me off."
"About what?"
"About Aaliyah."
"The girl at church?" I muse incredulously.
Erica replies with a nod. "I basically told her that she needs to make a go for it because King will never do that because he made that vow to God to be celibate."
"Wait… what?"
"Yeah his vow was to never be with a woman or some shit like that."
"Wait I thought he was just trying to stay faithful to God and keep his-"
"Nope, he literally is like… sacrificing relationships forever ," she tells me, which is news to me.
No wonder King acts like that and that explains a lot.
"Wow… so you didn't have a chance," I say.
"Yeah I thought so. I mean of course I would tease him about it and sometimes… you know. But whatever," she trails off, trying to change the subject again.
Something isn't right.
If King is that pious and I know how much he loves God, why would he almost end up in a situation having sex with Erica?
Why would he feel comfortable enough to go over to her apartment to yell at her and then they end up almost having sex? Furthermore, why would she push him away? Erica is the kind of person who loves that wild life and having sex with lots of people, so it doesn't fit her m.o. unless she's lying.
"Wait a minute, something's not adding up," I say, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "Why did you turn him down? And why would he even feel comfortable enough to do that with you?"
"I turned him down because I do care about him. I don't agree with his religion , but I know how important it is to him and I didn't want to be the one that, you know, put him in that situation."
"But you already did ," my words tumble out without thinking.
"How did I put him in that situation, Zosha?" she asks firmly.
She called me Zosha, which means she's mad.
"I mean… okay, I'm just wondering how it got from him being mad at you to you guys almost doing it."
"I tried to get him to leave and he said I was bad for him or some shit…" she says, annoyed. "And then… he pulled me in and kissed me."
EH?