48. Serenity
Chapter forty-eight
Serenity
Declan: Come by the home office if you're free this morning. It's lonely without you.
I smile as a flood of emotions swims through me. I'm giddy at his completely normal, vulnerable admission that he misses me. Honestly, I miss the hell out of him, too. It feels incredible to be wanted, needed, loved.
It feels even better knowing that we're developing a normal, loving relationship that can serve as the foundation for our bedroom activities.
Me: I don't have classes this morning and I do have some reading to catch up on!
Declan: I know.
I shake my head, smiling, and pocket my phone.
I pack my backpack quickly and take a taxi to Declan's house.
"You know you don't need to knock, right?" he says as he opens the door for me.
"It felt rude to just walk in," I reply, blushing. Dec's wearing the black slacks and button down he knows I love. Just being near him sends a storm of butterflies sailing into my stomach in a way I've never experienced before. He's so handsome, and powerful, and sexy.
"This is as much your home as it is mine," he replies, taking my backpack from me, and leading me back into his office.
"Magda's at the grocery store, so we have about an hour alone."
I raise an eyebrow at him, knowing what he's suggesting.
"Is that so?" I flirt back.
He closes the office door with a 'snick' and locks it, murmuring, "Just in case."
"Sir?"
It's my way of starting a scene without being overly demanding, and he knows it.
"Grab your book and take off all of your clothes, Serenity." The deep tambor of his dom voice has a shiver rolling down my spine, even as I move to do as he said. I pull my textbook for Introduction to Business with Computer Applications, which I'm struggling with, and hand it to him primly.
Completely unaffected, he sits in his chair and thumbs the book open. "What page?"
"Chapter three. The chapter on spreadsheets," I reply, stepping out of my jeans and underwear as if we're having a perfectly normal conversation. He flips to the chapter and lays it on the desk in front of him. I pull off my shirt and bra under his watchful gaze. I've gotten comfortable being naked with him. He's never looked at me with anything other than pure affection and lust. Session after session of knowing he's attracted to me and wants me has been incredible for my self-esteem.
"Come take me out, Serenity."
Saliva floods my mouth as heat shoots to my core. I love him, in his dominating role. I love him outside of it, too. I just love absolutely everything about this man.
Taking the initiative, I kneel between his knees and lick my lips. His eyes sear a hot path from my eyes to my lips, to my breasts, to between my thighs.
"Are you wet for me?" he asks, he voice low and intimate, as I undo his belt and top button of his slacks.
"Always," I purr, and it's true. Just seeing him, being around his powerful presence, the woodsy scent of his cologne has my body primed for him. My body equates his presence with safety and pleasure.
I finish pulling down his zipper and reach into his slacks to pull out his semi-hard length. I give it a few soft pumps, before he says the unthinkable.
"Sit on it and read your chapter out loud to me."
He must see the shock on my face because he tries to hide a smile and stay in character, but I catch the way one side of his sinful lips tips up.
"You know this isn't going to help me concentrate," I whisper as I turn my back to him, and bring him to my core.
"You didn't really think you'd get any reading done this morning, did you?" The gentleness in his voice tells me this is my Declan speaking and not Dom Declan. And I guess he's not wrong. Maybe a part of me thought we'd work together, separately, but I was hoping we wouldn't.
He's not fully hard yet, but I still sink onto him with a low groan. God, he feels so good. When my ass sits on his thighs, he pulses inside of me, stretching my entrance deliciously. The need building at the base of my spine to move, to grind down on him is driving me insane. He grips my hips tightly in his hands to keep me from moving.
"Read, Serenity," he whispers against the shell of my ear. He's fully clothed, while I'm fully naked. He's completely in control, where I'm barely hanging on.
And he wants me to read a stupid book on computers?
I clear my throat to begin, which has the unintended effect of my pussy walls clenching around him. He gives out a low grunt of his own and I'm tempted to pretend to cough until he's forced to take me against his desk.
"You okay there, big guy?" I tease. I know he doesn't like brats, and I don't intend to act like one, but I love how seamlessly we've learned how to transition in and out of our roles and our scenes. We've learned each other’s tells and I know just how far I can push him, and know that he loves me for it.
In response, he grips both of my nipples in punishing pinches causing me to jump with a squeal, followed by a whine. Fuck, that feels good.
"Better than you, it seems."
I shake my head. Okay. Focus.
I begin to read out loud, slowly, between pants.
"A...a... a spreadsheet...is...a file...with cells...in rows...and columns..." The need to move is screaming at me, bargaining with me. Just a little, it says. A little won't hurt, it says. Just a little, it says. I stutter over a word when my attention is drawn to the heartbeat I can feel in my swollen pussy.
"You're dripping onto my boxers, sweetheart," Declan says, pushing a lock of hair away from my neck so he can press a kiss there.
I whimper. The mental image of my juices coating his cock and seeping into his pants is nearly my undoing. I want him to wear my cum on him for the rest of the day, marking him as mine.
"You're doing so good for me, baby. Keep reading."
I moan again - every cell in my body begging to come. But I do as I'm told and try to read more. I'm certainly not retaining the words.
"C-c-c-common...spreadsheet software..."
Suddenly, he pinches my clit and my legs quake with the force of it. Unbidden, my head falls back against his chest and my eyes roll shut and I moan.
"Please, Dec..." I beg shamelessly. I roll my hips, and the sweet relief is palpable. But he's not done with me yet. He slaps my naked thigh and barks, "Read."
Tears spring to my eyes as the heat of the ache in my core becomes almost unbearable. I whimper again but do as I'm told.
"M-m-Microsoft...excel..." My voice is thin, high pitched and unnatural. I sniff and whimper again. "Key features...runs on windows...and mac..." I grind down onto him, need completely overtaking my brain. I'm a thoughtless animal with no other purpose than to come.
He leans forward, to peer over me.
"Part of Office 365, recent features include robust formulas and functions, charts, graphs, and sparklines. Arguably the most popular spreadsheet software," he reads. His voice is low and gravelly, but he speaks with perfect control, as if he isn't being driven insane.
Sweat drips down my spine and I shiver as the air conditioning cools the sheen over my entire body.
"Please!" I sob, a desperate and slobbery mess.
"You beg so pretty for me, Ser," he says in return, but he does take pity on me. He stands, carrying me with him so he doesn't fall out, and bends me over my textbook and his desk. This angle makes him unbelievably deep inside me, and he thrusts, abusing my G-spot with every snap of his hips.
He only thrusts into me once before I'm coming, moaning loudly, fingers gripping the wood desk beneath me, back arched impossibly hard. He pounds me through it, though. I'm a boneless, mindless mass of cells as he thrusts faster and harder. My hips dig into the side of the desk, and I'm amazed the desk isn't pushed forward by the force of his hips. My textbook digs into my stomach, but as I catch my breath, I hear Declan grunting behind me, feral for me, and another orgasm winds tight within me.
I whimper, unable to tell him yes , or more , or that I'm coming. But he must feel it, because he bends over me, slides a hand between my thighs and pinches my clit as he moans. My walls squeeze him with my orgasm, and I can feel him twitching, coming hard inside of me.
He's lying on top of me, arms bracketed on the desk on either side of my head. His chest is heaving just as hard as mine, when a drip of sweat falls from his brow to my cheek where I have my face resting against the desk. I shiver. God, seeing this perfect, experienced, in-charge man fall apart for me? To know he fucked me hard enough to work up a sweat? It makes me want to do it all over again.
It's when he pushes to stand, that reality sets back in. The proof of that reality slides down my inner thigh and I freeze. My man, who thrives under control, lost his and forgot to put a condom on. I hold my breath and stay laying on the desk, waiting for his reaction.
Will he freak out? Will he get angry with me? Or with himself? Will he spiral? Demand a Plan B? Kick me out because his fear will be too much to handle?
I squeeze my eyes shut as a tear slides onto his desk. All of the possible reactions seem terrible. I don't want any of them to happen. I want to hold him to me and tell him it'll all be okay. That we'll figure it out together. But I don't move. I can't move.
And then there's a gasp.
"Oh, fuck," he whispers, and my heart clenches in on itself painfully, and sinks into my stomach. We'd been doing so well together. He was letting me prove to him and myself that I wasn't codependent, that we could have a real relationship outside of the lifestyle. I was proving to him that he could give me a chance and know that I was choosing him every day because I wanted to, not because I had to. I was learning how to be a normal college kid, while he was learning how to date again - lack of control and all.
I had silly thoughts of marriage and babies. We were five months into the six that I asked him for. I was planning a whole thing at our six-month mark, where I ask if I can move back in. Where we'd make our relationship public and announce it as official.
All of that seems like a stupid dream of a silly little girl now. The real world had consequences. And consequences for reckless sex means unplanned pregnancies.
Within a heartbeat, my resolve anchors itself to my bones and I stand. If I got pregnant, I'd figure it out. Plenty of single moms work their way through college. It would be hard, but Lord knows I've done hard before. I wouldn't raise my baby to think she was unwanted, like I'd been raised. I wouldn't attach my dreams and goals to a man. I wouldn't blame a baby for my own failings, and I would try to do better and be better every day for them.
I need a second or two to compose myself to face the storm, though, so I stay with Declan at my back. I'd let him blow up, or freak out, or whatever he needed to do. I'd gather my clothes, put them on, and take the bus back home and deal with the consequences myself.
A thick finger drags through the cum sliding down my thigh and I flinch at the sudden contact. "I forgot to use a condom..." he whispers, and it's almost too quiet to hear.
It's an admission of guilt. Well, I certainly hadn't stopped him and demanded he use one either. So, it's an admission of half-guilt.
But instead of blowing up, instead of freaking out, instead of spiraling, Declan pulls me into his lap sideways and gathers me against his chest.
"I'm sorry, baby. I wasn't thinking."
My shoulders slump in relief. He's being sweet, and vulnerable, and I fall in love with Declan Blake even more. I snuggle into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
We sit in comfortable silence as he rubs my thigh.
He lets out a soft chuckle. "Is it crazy to think that maybe I want you to get pregnant?"
This earns a loud laugh out of me and breaks the tension in the room. "Ideally, I'd like to finish college before I get pregnant."
He drags his nose along my neck in a sweet gesture. "Ideally. But like... would you be mad if you did?"
I think about Declan holding a tiny baby and smile. "No, I wouldn't be." I'd never considered kids before Declan. When I didn't know if I'd be able to afford our next meal, or if I was safe with my parents' sketchier friends, any dreams of a future never really dawned on me.
"I promise I won't do it again. But..." The thumb on his right hand that is rubbing my thigh presses in a little too much and I know he's anxious about whatever it is he's about to say. "But... is that where you see this going? Because..."
I sit up to look into his beautiful green eyes. "That's exactly where I see this going, Dec. I want you, this life with you, marriage, a baby or two down the road." Then my own insecurities hit. Maybe he doesn't want a houseful of kids when he's older. I do a bit of quick math and realize he'll be fifty-six when our baby goes off to college if I were to get pregnant today. Won't he want to retire? Move to the beach? Hell, I don't know.
His kisses away the furrow on my brow. "Raising a child in a loving home with the woman I love? Sounds like a fucking dream."
"What about The Envelope? Will you keep running it? How would we explain what we do to our kids?"
"We're in human relations."
A carefree laugh bursts from my chest. I love that he's thought about a future together. I love that we're on the same page. And I love knowing that whatever happens, we can handle it together.
"I love you," I whisper against his chest.
He kisses my hair before whispering, "I love you too."
And then we hear the front door opening and Magda coming in with the groceries.