Chapter 24 Katie
KATIE
As much as I love my parents, my day-to-day existence really fucking sucks right now.
I lost the career I built for myself back in Montana, and my heart aches at that loss just as much as it does from giving up on Wayne. The chance to start fresh here is exciting, but the harder I try to find a place to put roots down, the harder everything feels.
I’ve already been here for almost a month, and finding work is proving to be almost impossible.
I can’t do surgery while I’m pregnant, and no one seems to be interested in a doctor that has such severe restrictions.
Several clinics have asked me to reach out after I give birth, as they only have positions for a surgeon available, which is nice, but it doesn’t help me right now.
My parents live in a 55+ community, and I’m already stretching the limits of the visitor policy set by their HOA.
I’ve only got another week before someone comes knocking to make sure I’m not still here.
Mom and Dad wouldn’t kick me out, sure, but I’m not going to make life harder for them when I’ve already put them out so much.
Besides, the HOA might be willing to overlook a quiet 27-year-old, but they’re not going to be as forgiving of a newborn.
Some days are easier than others on the anxiety front, but mostly, I’m lonely.
Wayne was an ass, an inconsistent one at that, but I can’t deny that he made me feel wanted.
Watching Jeopardy with my parents just isn’t the same as having Wayne’s attention, the weight of his gaze and the warmth of his hands.
He makes… made me laugh, like no one else I’ve ever met, and life just felt easier with him around.
And I liked myself more when he was around.
I spend so much time living my life on a schedule, planning every single thing out to the minute, but I could surrender a bit of that control with him.
I didn’t have to plan everything, or even know what was going to happen.
I never thought I’d actually enjoy being carefree and going with the flow. But it was so easy to lean on Wayne, even when I wasn’t sure I could count on him to be there. God, I feel pathetic for admitting that, even to myself.
Today, I’ve spent hours aimlessly moping around my guest bedroom and wondering what kind of life I’ll be able to give to this child inside me when, out of nowhere, I hear a swell of laughter from downstairs.
That isn’t super unusual — my parents, to their credit, are still obsessed with each other, and their smiles and laughter often brighten my spirits — but this laugh sounded different.
Somebody is visiting. And for some reason—maybe just boredom and sadness, if nothing else—I decide to go see who it is.
The laughter continues. I smile to myself. The love of my parents, wonderful as it is, feels like something I’ll never find. As much as I daydreamed that I might have that with Wayne, that chance is gone. If it ever really existed.
I shake those thoughts from my head and pad my way down the hallway, my footsteps soft on the well-worn wood flooring. My fingertips drag idly over the light blue paint on the walls, and I smile when it shifts to yellow to mark the entrance to the kitchen. Mom always wanted a yellow kitchen.
I turn the corner and stop dead in my tracks, my skin breaking out in goosebumps.
As I suspected, Mom and Dad aren’t alone in the kitchen. My eyes narrow in on a set of familiar broad shoulders, neat brown hair that I’ve run my fingers through countless times, sturdy legs crossed at the ankle.
Wayne leans against the island, grinning widely at my parents.
Wayne is in my kitchen.
The cheerful chatter falls away as soon as I step forward, all eyes turning to me.
It feels like one of those moments where I should have something snarky to say, but my mind is completely blank.
I’m utterly speechless, tempted to pinch myself to make sure this is real.
I don’t even know if I want it to be real.
How the hell is Wayne here, in Tampa, joking with my parents in their kitchen? Why is he here?
“Well, if it isn’t the lady of the hour!” My mom’s warm voice buzzes in my ears, and I can barely process what the words even mean. “Why don’t we give these two some time alone?”
My eyes don’t leave Wayne as my parents brush past me to give us some privacy. I shiver when my mom squeezes my shoulder supportingly as she passes. If I can feel her hand, that means this is real.
I kind of want to cry. “What’s going on?” I sputter out, stepping back.
Wayne winces at the rough, brittle quality of my voice, but the warmth in his dark gaze doesn’t falter. He looks over me like he’s drinking in the sight, eyes tracing every line of my face. It feels like he’s trying to memorize me, like he’s scared this will be the last he sees of me.
“Katie…” he breathes out. “Hi.”
He sounds unspeakably relieved and simultaneously so anxious that he’s about to burst at the seams. I’m still struggling to convince myself he’s actually here.
I don’t say anything, my mind a whirlwind of too many thoughts to even try to form words.
He takes a deep breath before opening his mouth, but as soon as he starts speaking, it’s like he can’t stop.
“I have been the biggest, most useless asshole in the entire world, and I have no idea where to even begin to apologize to you. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t feel like enough, but I am.
I’m so sorry for making you feel like you had to deal with any of this alone, for not paying enough attention to know that you needed help and were too scared to ask for it.
I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t rely on me, and I’m sorry for not taking any of this as seriously as I should have. ”
I stare at him in shock, not expecting a litany of apologies to be the first thing out of his mouth. I certainly didn’t expect them to sound so honest.
He fidgets as he speaks, picking at his nailbeds and shifting his weight, obviously uncomfortable but forcing himself through this. That thought breaks through some of the surprise, and a tentative thread of warmth blooms in my gut.
“I’ve always been careless and casual…” He pauses, staring down sadly.
“And I never realized how different it felt to be serious about something.” Now, he squares his shoulders and meets my eyes, almost challengingly.
“It took losing you for me to realize how much I’m truly in love with you, and that I don’t want to spend a single day of my life without you.
And I’m sorry it took until then for me to realize what I needed to do”
The words punch right through my chest and out the other side, stealing my breath and every thought with it. I gape at him, having no clue what else to do.
What am I supposed to say? He’s not stepping forward, not trying to kiss me or making pretty promises. He’s just… saying things so honestly that I can hardly fathom the depths of their meaning. His words are blunt and to the point, but his face is a mask of anxiety and hope.
Has he been as scared of losing me as I was of losing him?
“You’ve probably noticed the case was dropped,” he says.
I nod feebly.
He smiles. “I got your notes admitted to evidence, and Chase dropped the suit. I don’t know if you had your mail forwarded, but I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about that, at least.” His eyes shine with hope, but there’s nothing in his words seeking appreciation.
He really just wants me to know that burden has been lifted, whether I thank him for it or not.
He wants my life to be easier. “I talked to Dr. Sarah, too, and she said she’d be happy to bring you back after you give birth.
I know it’s not a job for right now, but I can take care of you.
Even if you don’t ever want to work again, I can take care of you. ”
His gaze drops, a blush blooming over his face. It’s not all embarrassment, there’s a hint of pride shining in his bashful smile. He’s thought about this. About all of it.
He’s not just asking for me back, he’s giving me something to come back to. Something real.
“I’m starting a practice in town, just helping out locals with contracts and that kind of thing, maybe some teleconference stuff if I need some extra cash.
And I… I know it’s presumptuous, but I found us a potential house.
It has a big backyard, and there’s a room right next to the master bedroom that would be perfect for a nursery—”
I burst into tears.
It’s all I can do, so overwhelmed by the thought of any of it that something breaks in me. Maybe it’s fear, or hope, or something in between, but I can do nothing but sob as Wayne stares at me. His own eyes are wet, that soft smile still on his face, and my heart aches.
“You’re insane,” I choke out.
He huffs out a soft, apologetic laugh. “Yeah.”
I shake my head, yearning and heartbreak rioting against each other in my lungs. What he’s saying is so much, and I want it.
“You had your chance.” My voice shatters over the syllables, and Wayne’s smile turns a touch sad around the corners, but it doesn’t waver. “You didn’t want me. I gave you everything I could, and you gave me nothing, Wayne.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” His words are hardly more than a whisper. “I was blind, and a stupid kid. I hurt you. I don’t want to do that again. I won’t do that again.”
“So, what? You magically became an adult over the span of a month?” I ask.
I mean for the words to come out accusing and caustic, but they sound almost hopeful. Wayne winces anyway, and his nervous laugh holds a tinge of shame.
“I won’t pretend that I don’t still have plenty of growing to do,” he admits.
“But I finally realized it, at least. And I don’t intend to turn a blind eye to it.
I’m going to step up and be what you need, Katie.
If you give me a shot, I swear I won’t make you regret it.
I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I can be worthy of you if that’s what it takes, and I’ll be grateful for every second of it. ”
I feel like I’m at war with myself, the cautious part of my brain so terrified to trust him that I can barely hear the way my heart screams for me to at least try.
How am I supposed to trust him after everything?
Do I just pretend it didn’t happen and fall into his arms, take what I can get and find a way to be happy with it?
I’d never forgive myself if I wound up trapped in a loveless life with a child suffering because of an impulsive, rash decision.
I know, just as surely, that I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t try.
Tears slip free and roll down my cheeks once again, and I stumble forward, closing the distance between us. Wayne stiffens when I collapse forward into his chest, but he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me and hold me close, careful not to put pressure on my heavy stomach.
I’ve always been ruled by logic. Passion has been something I dreamed of, but never experienced—until Wayne reentered my life. And right now, the only thing driving me is my heart.
“You’re an asshole,” I sob into Wayne’s shoulder. “I hate you.”
I pull him impossibly closer as he laughs and rubs gently over my lower back. He peppers kisses over the crown of my head, and I can feel how wide he’s smiling.
“That’s okay, beautiful,” he soothes me. “I love you enough for both of us.”
“Dumbass.”
I pull back enough to catch his lips in a frantic kiss. It tastes like salt and desperation, and I can’t get enough of it. Wayne wraps one hand around my neck and drops the other to cup my round stomach, and he makes a soft, adoring noise that slips so sweetly over my tongue.
“I love you, too,” I whisper, barely pulling back far enough to get the words out.
He kisses me like he’s trying to taste the words, murmuring broken syllables of his own love into my mouth as he holds me close.
“I won’t ever leave your side again, baby. I’ll be right here through it all, I swear.”
“You better be,” I say with a breathless laugh.
“I promise.”
This time, it doesn’t feel like empty words.
This time, it feels like he means it. He means it so much that I can damn near see the house he found us, our baby taking their first steps in the backyard, homemade meals in a sprawling kitchen.
There will be no resentment in the walls of that house, no past sins or mistakes thrown in each other’s faces.
I can see Christmases and lazy mornings and hundreds of framed photos on the walls. It feels warm. It feels right.
This time, it feels real.