9. Kim
KIM
Ikept telling myself this baby was supposed to bring me and Deuce closer. Once the baby got here everything else would fall into place it had to. I didn’t come this damn far just to keep being his secret. I sat on the couch with my legs tucked under me, staring out the windows.
Somewhere out there Deuce was probably working.
Or at least that’s what he told Alisha. I rolled my eyes, that woman had a husband she didn’t even appreciate.
She had his last name, his house, his daughter, his time.
And somehow, she still had him coming home every night.
Meanwhile, I was the one making all the sacrifices.
Another woman was carrying my baby. I had to wait on updates from Deuce like I wasn’t the one who was supposed to be building a family with him.
It wasn’t fair but sacrifices came before blessings.
That’s what I kept telling myself. Shante got on my damn nerves too.
Every time I saw her, she looked at me like I was trash.
Please, she only agreed because Deuce asked. Now she wanted to act like somebody forced her. That wasn’t my problem as soon as the baby got here none of this would matter anyway.
My phone lit up and it was Deuce; a smile crossed my face before I answered.
“Hey ba?—”
“The fuck your daddy got going on?”
The smile disappeared just that fast. “What happened?”
“The Feds hit one of my trucks.”
I sat up. “What?”
“They got Rico.”
“You knew?”
I sucked my teeth. “Here you go. I already know where this conversation headed.”
“You always ‘don’t know.’”
“Because I DON’T.” My daddy don’t sit around telling me who he investigating.”
“You his daughter.”
“And? You think that badge disappears when he walks through the front door? He was FBI before he was my daddy. It’s been that way my whole damn life.”
He didn’t say nothing that irritated me. “I’m riding you. I’m risking everything. I’m helping you build the life WE supposed to have. So, stop talking to me like I’m the damn enemy.”
“I need you to get him off me.”
He really believed I could tell Agent Brown who to investigate. “You asking for something I can’t do.”
“You better figure it out.”
Click. I stared at my phone.
“This hardheaded ass nigga.”
I tossed it beside me then I smiled to myself.
He only acted like that when he was under pressure.
And pressure made people say things they didn’t mean.
Once everything settled down, he’d remember who was really riding for him, me and not Alisha.
After everything I’d sacrificed, he wasn’t about to choose nobody but me.
If Deuce thought I was about to fold on him, then I already knew the pressure was getting to his ass.
That wasn’t like him. Deuce always acted like he had everything under control.
So, if he was calling me talking reckless like that, something bigger was going on.
I’d already accepted that I couldn’t have him all to myself.
I took what I could get the late-night phone calls and the random pop-ups and little time he carved out for me.
I wasn’t about to let my daddy take even that away.
I pulled into my parents’ subdivision and cut the engine. Everything over here looked the same as it always did. Big houses, pretty flowers. Grass cut so neat it looked fake.
I pulled into my parents’ driveway and got out. I let myself in. “Daddy?”
“In here.”
His office door was cracked. Soon as I walked in, my eyes landed on his desk. Files everywhere maps, pictures, and shipping routes folders stacked on top of folders. Then I saw a picture of Deuce and I picked it up.
“So, you really went to see Alisha.”
Daddy didn’t even look up. “Yep.”
“Why?”
He finally looked at me. “Because that’s my job.”
“She ain’t got nothing to do with this.” I said.
“She has everything to do with it, she’s his wife.”
I frowned. “She don’t know nothing.”
He leaned back in his chair. “You seem awfully sure about that.”
“’Cause I am.”
He studied me for a second. “You been doing a whole lot of protecting lately.”
“I love him.”
“You love the idea of him.”
“You don’t even know that man.”
“I know enough.”
“You know what he you see on paper.” I folded my arms. “He ain’t no bad person.”
Daddy pointed at the picture still sitting on his desk.
“Kim, that man moves guns. He cheated on his wife. And he got my daughter helping him cover his tracks. You really gone sit here and tell me he a good man?”
“He love me.”
Daddy laughed. He loves you so much he goes home to another woman every night.”
That hit a nerve.
“He with her because they got history.”
“No, he with her because that’s his wife.”
I rolled my eyes. “That don’t mean nothing.”
“It mean everything.”
“He told me he gone leave.”
Daddy shook his head. “And you believed that.”
“I did, I still do.”
He took his glasses off and tossed them on the desk. “Kim, when I sent you to Howard, I wasn’t sending you there to become somebody’s side chick.”
My jaw tightened. “I’m not no side chick.”
“What would you call it?” He asked.
“He loves me. He’s building a future with me. We are going to have a baby and that’s gone change everything.”
Daddy stared at me for so long it started making me uncomfortable. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
“I know it.”
He shook his head slow. “I didn’t raise you to accept half a man you deserve so much more.”
“I ain’t accepting half I got all of him.”
“No, you got the leftovers.”
The room got so quiet I could hear the clock on the wall ticking. I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him he was wrong. But I couldn’t because deep down I hated the fact that every night when Deuce left me, he still went home to Alisha.
“And now you got yourself wrapped up in a federal investigation.”
I shrugged. “I’ll be aight.”
Daddy looked at me like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You really believe that?”
“I know how to handle myself.”
He shook his head. “No, Kimberly you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be standing in my office defending a married man that’s got you lying to everybody around you.”
I looked away. “I ain’t asking you to understand.”
“I know that’s the problem.” He stood up and walked around his desk. You had your own opinions and used to think for yourself. Now I don’t know who you are.” He stopped in front of me. “Now every decision you make got his name all over it.”
I folded my arms. “You making it sound worse than what it is.”
“Worse?” He gave a little laugh. “My daughter helping cover up for a married man under federal investigation. And you think I’m exaggerating?”
I didn’t answer. He studied me for a second. “You know what scares me?”
“What?”
“You don’t even hear yourself no more.”
I rolled my eyes. “Daddy…”
“You’ve convinced yourself this is normal.” He cut me off.
I grabbed my purse. “I ain’t come over here to argue.”
“Oh, I know why you came.” His voice stayed calm. “You came hoping I’d stop doing my job. That ain’t gone happen.”
I looked him dead in his eyes. “So you really willing to destroy my happiness?”
He didn’t even blink. “No, I’m trying to save what’s left of it.”
I sucked my teeth. “You always think you know what’s best for me.”
“No, I just know my daughter, and this…” He looked me up and down. “…this ain’t her.”
I turned toward the door. “I gotta go.”
“Kim.”
I stopped but didn’t turn around.
“When all this falls apart don’t wait until then to remember you have a family that loves you.”
I gripped the doorknob. “It ain’t gone fall apart.
” I walked out before he could say anything else.
The whole ride to Deuce’s penthouse, Daddy’s words kept playing in my head.
I was tired of everybody acting like I was the crazy one.
They would see as soon as this baby got here.
Everything was gonna be exactly how Deuce promised me it would be.
At least that's what I kept telling myself.
“You think the Feds questioning my wife and snatching one of my loads supposed to sit right with me?”
I walked closer until I was standing right in front of him. “You really think I’d set you up?”
Deuce looked at me for a second before shaking his head. “I don’t know what to think.”
“After everything I done for you?”
He laughed. “Everything? You act like your daddy ain’t the one building a case on me.”
“My daddy got his job.”
“And I got mine.”
“You know I ain’t got nothing to do with that.”
He stood up so fast that the liquor bottle rattled against the glass table. “You keep saying that.”
“‘Cause it’s the truth.”
He took a couple steps toward me. “You know what the difference between us is?”
I frowned. “What?”
“You still thinking with your feelings. I’m thinking about surviving.”
The room went quiet. “I came over here because I was worried about you.”
“I ain’t ask you to.”
That one hurt. “You know what…” I nodded to myself. “I see what this is.”
He folded his arms. “What?”
“You only got room for people you can use.”
His eyes got hard. “What the fuck are you talking about.”
“I’m tired. I’m tired of defending myself. I’m tired of proving I’m with you. I’m tired of feeling like I gotta earn a spot in your life when I’ve already risked more than anybody.”
He didn’t say nothing. He just stared at me, then he looked away. “I got one driver in cuffs. The Feds outside my warehouse. My wife asking questions. My sister damn near losing her mind. You think I got time to sort out feelings?”
The mention of Shante caught me off guard.
“You worried about everybody but yourself.” He grabbed the bottle and took another drink. “I’m worried about whoever the fuck talking.”
“I ain’t talking.” I snapped.
“I hope not.”
I froze. “You hope not? That’s all you got to say?”
He looked me dead in my eyes. “If this case land on me ain’t nobody getting a pass. Not you or your daddy.
I searched his face, waiting for him to crack a smile. To tell me he ain’t mean it, but he never did. That’s I realized the man standing in front of me wasn’t worried about protecting me anymore. He was worried about protecting his damn self.
He turned away from me and started pacing the living room, dragging both hands over his face before stopping by the kitchen island. “I can’t lose this shit,” he yelled.
That wasn’t the Deuce I was used to. Usually, nothing rattled him.
He always carried himself like he had every move mapped out before anybody else even knew it was a game being played.
Tonight he looked like the pressure was finally getting to him.
The paperwork spread across the counter, the half-empty bottle, his pistol sitting within arm’s reach.
It all painted a picture he would never admit out loud.
He was scared. Not of the streets or another nigga.
But of losing everything he spent years building.
My heart softened. Without saying nothing, I walked over and slid my arms around his waist from behind.
His body tensed at first then he reached down and laced his fingers through mine.
Neither one of us spoke, we didn’t have to.
I rested my cheek against his back and closed my eyes.
This was the part nobody else got to see.
The part that always made me forget every lie, every broken promise, every time he put me second.
Every time I started thinking maybe I needed to leave he would let me see this version of him.
And like a damn fool I would convince myself he needed me more than he needed anybody else.