11. Shante
SHANTE
Soon as Malik pulled off, I locked the door and leaned against it. Damn that whole situation with Agent Brown had me shook. The way he kept looking at me, it was like he knew something. Like he was waiting on me to crack.
I walked over to the couch and sat down. “What the fuck did I do?” I whispered. Every day this lie got bigger. I was lying to Alisha and Malik and carrying a baby for a bitch I couldn’t stand. Now the damn FBI knocking on my door. How the hell did my life get this fucked up?
For some reason I became nauseous, I hurried to the bathroom and barely made it before I started throwing up. “This baby beating my ass already,” I mumbled after flushing the toilet. I rinsed my mouth out and looked up at myself in the mirror.
Lord, I looked rough. Eyes puffy, hair wrapped up.
Face looked tired as hell not because I was pregnant, but because this secret was wearing me down.
I cut the shower on and stood under that hot water way longer than I needed to.
Usually, a shower helped me get myself together, but it wasn’t helping worth a damn.
All I could think about was Malik standing in front of Agent Brown like he was ready to protect me from whatever was coming. That man would’ve went to war behind me and he didn’t even know I was the one bringing it to his front door.
By the time I got dressed, I heard Malik come back in. A few minutes later the smell of bacon drifted through the house. My stomach growled then instantly I got irritated. One minute I wanted everything in the refrigerator. The next minute, the smell of food had me ready to throw up.
Pregnancy was some ghetto shit. I threw on a pair of black leggings and one of Malik’s T-shirts before making my way to the kitchen. Malik glanced up from the stove when he heard me.
“You up.”
“Yeah.” I replied.
“I fixed your plate.”
I looked over at the island and there were eggs, turkey bacon and toast with some orange juice.
He already knew how I liked everything. Little shit like that was the stuff that made this harder.
Malik wasn’t out here playing games, he wasn’t cheating or he wasn't lying. He loved me for real his actions showed it. Females prayed for a man like him. A solid nigga, the kind that’ll put you before himself without thinking twice.
And every day I looked that man in his face, knowing I was about to break him in a way he probably would never recover from.
“Baby…”
Malik’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“You ain’t heard a damn thing I said, huh?”
“Huh?” I blinked.
He laughed. “See… I knew it. I asked what you had planned today besides laying on this couch binge watching The First 48.”
I rolled my eyes. “That is not all I watch.”
“Oh, aight,” he laughed. “My fault.”
He walked over and kissed my forehead.
“I fixed my queen breakfast. I’m about to hop in the shower, then I gotta make a few moves.”
“A few moves?” I raised a brow.
He smirked. “Don’t do that.”
“I’m just asking.”
“You ain’t got nothing to worry about.” He grabbed my chin and kissed me again. “Ain’t none of these bitches worth messing up what I got at home.”
Lord this man was fine.
“I’ll be back later,” he said before disappearing down the hallway.
I sat there picking at my food after he left.
I wanted to call Alisha. I wanted my hair and nails done.
Hell… I just wanted my best friend. I missed talking shit with her.
I missed Brittany climbing all over me. I missed my normal life, but every time I picked my phone up the guilt made me put it right back down.
A little while later Malik came back out dressed. Black tee, some Amiris, a fresh fade. Cologne smelling too damn good.
I looked him up and down. “Damn… where you going looking like that?”
He laughed. “What’s wrong?”
“You look like you about to be on all bullshit let me find out.”
He walked over and wrapped an arm around my waist. “My baby jealous?”
“I ain’t jealous.”
“Mhm.”
“I ain’t.”
He grinned before kissing me one more time. “Relax, you the only one beautiful.”
I smiled, but soon as he walked out the door, that smile disappeared.
I loved Malik with everything in me and I loved my brother.
That’s what made this shit so hard. One of ’em was asking me to build a future.
The other one was asking me to destroy it.
I laid back on the couch and turned The First 48 back on.
“…Maybe I oughta figure out how to get rid of Kim crazy ass.” I laughed to myself. “Lord, forgive me.”
A few days later, Sunday dinner rolled around at Grandma Lorraine’s house. If Grandma knew half the mess this family had going on, she’d probably anoint all of us with Crisco oil before beating our asses with one of them church shoes she kept by the front door.
Sunday dinner wasn’t optional. It never had been.
Didn’t matter if you were mad or if you were working or if you had plans.
If Grandma said be there your ass better be there.
Soon as I walked in, the smell hit me. Fried chicken, greens, Mac and cheese and sweet potatoes with homemade rolls.
Her house always smelled like food and love.
“Look who finally decided to show up, my favorite granddaughter.” Grandma called from the kitchen.
I laughed. “You say that to all of us.”
“I sure do,” she said without missing a beat. “Keeps y’all from arguing.”
I walked over and kissed her cheek. “You cooking enough food for the whole east side?”
“I’m cooking enough in case your greedy brother decide to make three plates.”
I busted out laughing.
“Where Malik at?” She asked.
“Parking.”
Grandma nodded approvingly. “I like that boy.”
“So do I.” I replied.
“He got some damn manners.”
She sucked her teeth. “Unlike Deuce’s annoying ass.”
I couldn’t do nothing but laugh. Grandma wasn’t gone never let that man live down all the hell he raised growing up. Right on cue, Deuce walked in through the back door. “Who annoying?”
Grandma pointed the spoon toward him immediately. “You.”
Deuce laughed while kissing her cheek. “Love you too.”
“Boy hush.”
Watching them together normally made me smile but today my stomach stayed twisted. Because now every time me and Deuce got in the same room all I could think about was the secret sitting between us. Malik walked in a second later carrying desserts.
And immediately Grandma lit up. “See that’s how a man come to somebody house!”
Deuce sucked his teeth. “I bring stuff.”
“You bring stress.” She let him know while rolling her eyes.
I almost choked laughing. Even Malik laughed at that one.
Everybody settled in eventually while either watching tv or having their own conversations.
The Detroit Pistons game blasted from the living room TV.
Grandma stayed yelling from the kitchen every five minutes.
Things almost felt normal again, but then Deuce caught my eye from across the room.
He gave a little nod toward the back hallway.
A few minutes later, I slipped away toward the laundry room while everybody was distracted doing their own thing. The second I stepped inside; Deuce closed the door behind me.
“You good?” he asked immediately.
“No.” I wasn’t pretending with his ass, he was the reason I felt guilty in the first damn place.
He rubbed his hand down his beard looking stressed as hell. “What exactly Brown ask?”
I folded my arms tightly. “Mostly questions about the trucking company.”
“And?”
“Malik did most the talking.”
That made his whole expression change. “The fuck you mean Malik did the talking?”
“He was protecting me.”
“Hell nah, I don’t trust that nigga,” Deuce mumbled pacing now. “That nigga don’t like me.”
“That don’t make him a snitch.”
“You don’t know what niggas do under pressure.”
I stared at him in disbelief.
“Malik ain’t no damn rat.”
Still, Deuce kept pacing, restless energy all over him like he ain’t slept in days.
“If anything,” I continued, “he helped your ass.”
Deuce finally looked at me. “And what if he starts putting pieces together?”
“I can’t keep doing this,” I whispered.
Deuce sighed heavily.
“You gotta relax.”
“Relax?” I snapped. “Nigga how?” The emotion rose so fast I couldn’t even stop it. “I’m gaining weight, hormones all over the damn place. Crying every five minutes.”
Deuce just stood there looking crazy in the face. “How the fuck I’m supposed to tell him I’m pregnant and it’s not his damn baby?”
“Don’t tell him shit.” Deuce answered.
I blinked at him. “You sounded dumb as hell.”
“How I sound dumb.” He asked. He rubbed both hands over his face frustrated. “Aight then tell him you going away for a while.”
“What?” I yelled.
“I’ll get you a condo somewhere.”
I stared at him like he lost his damn mind.
“Somewhere nice away from Detroit till the baby comes.”
At that point I laughed, because it sounded ridiculous. “You sound dumb as hell AGAIN,” I snapped.
“Shante…”
“No,” I interrupted. “Malik is not about to let me disappear for nine months.”
“Make something up.”
Malik wasn’t just some nigga I was casually dealing with. That man planned a future around me and every day I stayed lying to him I felt worse. Tears slid down my face before I could stop them. “I’m tired,” I whispered.
For the first time, all conversation, Deuce's expression softened slightly, which pissed me off because none of this would’ve been happening if it wasn’t for him.
Then this fool said…
“Aight… tell him the baby his.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “Tell him what?”
“Then after it’s born…” He lowered his voice like he was really thinking. “…We say somebody kidnapped it.”
At that point I was completely over him. I wiped my face quickly while backing toward the door. “You need therapy.”
“Shante—”
“No seriously,” I said before opening the door. “You sound insane.”
Then I walked straight out the laundry room before he could say anything else. The second I stepped back into the kitchen, Grandma looked up immediately.
“Why both y’all look stressed?”
“Cause your grandson slow,” I let her know.
Grandma pointed at Deuce. “I been saying that.”
By the time everybody finally sat down at the table, my nerves were completely shot.
Grandma had cooked enough food to feed half of Detroit.
The entire house smelled so good it almost made me nauseous.
Lately that happened a lot, one minute food smelled amazing. The next minute I wanted to throw up.
Alisha sat beside me helping Brittany cut up her chicken while Malik sat on my other side looking happier than usual.
Probably because everybody was together.
He loved family environments like this. Meanwhile Deuce sat across from me nursing a drink while his eyes kept flicking toward me every few seconds.
He looked stressed and paranoid. Talking to him in that laundry room made me realize that nigga was losing it mentally. Talking about fake kidnappings and hiding me in condos and shit. Like what in the actual fuck.
Grandma finally sat down at the head of the table dramatically wiping her hands on her apron. “If one more person asks me for hot sauce, Imma slap somebody.”
Brittany giggled. “I want ketchup Grandma!”
“See there she go.” Everybody laughed while Grandma reached over handing Brittany the bottle.
For a few minutes things actually felt normal just family talking and eating, While the Detroit Pistons game played from the living room tv. Sunday dinner type shit, I needed that small moment of peace. Because mentally I felt exhausted, then Grandma suddenly paused mid-bite.
“Oh Lord.”
Everybody looked at her.
“What?” Alisha asked.
Grandma narrowed her eyes dramatically. “I had a dream about fish last night.”
Immediately Alisha started laughing. “Oh hell no.”
Malik looked confused. “The hell fish mean?”
Grandma pointed her fork toward him. “Pregnancy fool.”
And instantly my stomach dropped.
“I know somebody at this table pregnant,” Grandma continued proudly.
Alisha nearly choked on her drink laughing. “Oh, it damn sure ain’t me.”
Then this heffa pointed directly at me. “Matter fact you been acting funny lately, and you getting thick too,” Alisha added while squinting at me playfully.
That irritated me, not because she meant harm, but because she was too damn close to the truth. “Girl shut up,” I snapped grabbing my drink.
“No cap or whatever the kids say these days,” she laughed. “You've been emotional as hell lately too.”
Malik looked over at me and I looked away.
Grandma slammed her hand on the table dramatically. “I KNEW IT.”
“Grandma…” I tried interrupting her.
“Which one of y’all carrying my baby?” She asked excitedly.
At that point everybody started laughing except me and Deuce. I think the pressure finally cracked something inside me, because before I could even fully think it through the words just came out. “Yes.”
The whole damn table went quiet and my heart started pounding immediately. “I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. “Me and Malik having a baby.”
The second the words left my mouth, my stomach twisted hard. Because technically that was the biggest lie I ever told, then chaos exploded instantly.
“Oh my Goddddd!” Alisha screamed.
Grandma jumped up so fast her chair nearly tipped over. “I KNEW IT!” she yelled pointing at me. “I TOLD Y’ALL ABOUT THAT DAMN FISH.”
Brittany started clapping because everybody else was excited and Malik looked stunned.
“You serious?” he asked turning toward me.
Seeing the hope in his face almost made me break down right there, but still I nodded. “Yeah.”
The smile that spread across his face after that, that shit hurt my soul. Malik stood up immediately pulling me into his arms while everybody started talking at once.
“You pregnant for real?”
“When you found out?”
“Oh my God Shante!”
Grandma cried, being dramatic as hell as usual.
Meanwhile I could barely breathe. While everybody celebrated around me, I noticed Deuce and the look on his face was the what the fuck look.
That nigga stared at me like I lost my mind, like he couldn’t believe I just said that out loud.
And honestly part of me couldn’t either.
Malik grabbed my face gently before kissing me hard.
“My baby having my baby,” he said, smiling against my lips.
“Lord, forgive me,” I said to myself. Alisha jumped up hugging me next. “I knew your ass was acting strange!”
“I hate you,” I smiled weakly.
She laughed loudly. “No, you don’t.” Then she leaned back looking genuinely happy. “And Brittany finally gone have a cousin close in age.”
That sentence twisted the knife deeper inside my chest because the entire table celebrated a whole damn lie.
Grandma wiped tears dramatically while pointing toward Malik. “You better marry her!”
“I’m working on it,” Malik grinned.
Everybody started making noise after that while I sat there trying not to completely mentally collapse. And across the table Deuce still stared at me like I detonated a bomb right in the middle of Sunday dinner.