Chapter Nineteen
April
“I’m fine April.” Jacob’s annoyance over one simple fucking question was the one thing I didn’t miss about our new living arrangements.
“Good,” I snapped. “I’ll just stop asking how you’re doing then.” The last thing I was in the mood for was my brother’s shitty attitude. Usually I gave him a lot of grace because the illness took a lot out of him, but my life wasn’t exactly daisies and sunshine these days either.
Jacob laughed. “Kelsie’s place is a lot nicer than mine.”
“Cool. Is she around?” I stared out the window to the expanse of green grass that led to a small cluster of trees. I wondered what was beyond, but I shut that thought down because what was the point? This wasn’t actually my home, it was just somewhere I was staying for a few months.
“April, come on.” He sighed, his voice slightly amused as if I should find his attitude charming or maybe even entertaining.
“How’s work?”
I could almost hear his shrug. “It’s okay. Got some cool projects and with the new treatments I have the energy to finish them on time.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” I was glad to hear it, but I wasn’t in the mood to be his cheerleader today. My heart still hadn’t recovered from yesterday’s shooting, though I would keep that little detail to myself. For now anyway.
“What’s going on with you, April?”
“Nothing,” I sighed because it was the closest he ever came to asking about me. It wasn’t that Jacob was selfish so much as his problems were always bigger than mine and I usually kept my own counsel.
“April,” he sighed, and his mood swung back to annoyance.
“I’m pregnant. I’m sick all the time and I’m not at my own damn home Jacob, how do you think I’m doing?”
He sighed again. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I brushed it off. “Is Kelsie around?” I didn’t do any of this for Jacob’s gratitude because let’s be honest, he wasn’t known for his gratitude. But a break once in a while might be nice.
“No, she went out get dinner.”
“Okay I’ll give her a call.”
“To make sure I’m really doing fine?” His tone was joking and I almost smiled. Almost.
“No. Because I haven’t spoken to my best friend in a while and I’d like to.” Maybe it was my mistake, making so much of my life about my brother, but damn everything in the world wasn’t about him.
“Fine. You’re in a mood today.” He sighed again as if he wanted to say more. “The treatments are working April and I’m so fucking grateful to you, but I just wish you didn’t have to do it.”
“I know but I had to.” What other choices did I have?
“I love you for it, April.”
“I know. Gotta go,” I replied and ended the call before I got even more emotional and then I dialed my friend. She answered straight away.
“Hey baby mama, how are you feeling?” Kelsie’s laughter was just what I needed.
“Don’t call me that and I’m good. Mostly.” My shoulders relaxed and I leaned against the wall with my gaze still focused on the relaxing green. “Morning sickness is still awful but only a few hours in the morning. How are you?”
“Good. The wedding went off without a hitch, and the big boss is throwing me into the rotation to plan my own events.”
“That’s great, Kels. I’m happy for you!” It was just the kind of good news I needed to hear and focus on to forget about the shooting, about the sound of the glass shattering and the shouts of the diners.
“Yeah, thanks. Think your baby daddy will let you out for a celebratory dinner?” Her tinkling laugh was enough to trigger my own and that eased some of my anxiety.
“Probably not right now.” Considering recent events I doubted he would let me out of the house for anything other than doctor’s appointments. I didn’t want to worry her with what was going on in my life, so I decided to stay quiet about the shooting. “Maybe you can come here for dinner?”
“I guess that’s better than nothing. Are you okay April, I mean seriously?”
“I’m fine. Physically I’m doing as well as can be expected. Sick and uncomfortable.” I tried for a laugh, but it failed.
“And emotionally? Mentally?”
“Also as well as can be expected.”
Given the fact that I unwittingly agreed to be a surrogate for the head of Bratva currently engaged in a war with a man with a generations-old grudge.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called as much as I should, but things have been so busy with work, events and taking care of my new roommate. It’s always so late when I finally stop running,” Kelsie said.
“It’s okay. You have a life to lead and I’m happy for you. And grateful you’re looking after Jacob.”
“Of course I would. I mean he’s an asshole at times, but he’s your brother. And he’s not bad to look at so everybody wins.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thank you anyway, it means a lot.”
“I know something else is going on with you,” she sighed. “I just wish you would talk to me.”
“I’d love to, but I don’t want to involve you in this any more than necessary.” It’s why I kept the news of the shooting to myself. Why I hadn’t called my best friend or my brother. My life was in constant danger, and it always would be.
Not always, my conscience reminded me. This deal with Igor, his place in your life is temporary. When the baby is born, you’ll go your separate ways and never see each other again.
“Anyway sorry I’m such bad company today. I’m exhausted and uncomfortable. And pregnant.”
“Never apologize, April. What you’re doing to save your brother, shit it’s the stuff of movies. This selfless act, this sacrifice to save him,” she paused, choked up with emotion. “You’re allowed to feel any damn way you please.”
One tear fell down my cheek at Kelsie’s show of emotion. “Thanks. It’s been hard,” I admitted. “But I’m handling it,” I promised.
“You always do. You’re one of the strongest, most determined people I know April. But if you need to talk, to laugh or just to let off a little bit of steam feel free to call or text. I’m always up for shenanigans with my bestie.”
“Thanks but I’m not sure I’ll be up for any real shenanigans for the next few months.”
“Just call when you’re in the mood and I’ll figure out pregnant-lady appropriate shenanigans.” Her laughter faded. “Are you safe though? I mean like for real safe?”
“Yes,” I sighed. “There is security everywhere and they are armed and loyal.”
“Whoa,” she gasped. “That sounds alarming… and kind of hot.”
“Then I’ll make sure to see if it’s okay for you to come over so you can get an eyeful and knowing you, get yourself frisked.”
“Well damn, get on it, girl. Quick.”
“I will. I’m glad to hear your voice Kels.”
“Same. Don’t wait so long to call back. Remember the shenanigans.” She laughed again, the sound familiar and soothing. “Food’s ready, babe, gotta go.”
“Talk soon.” I felt better after talking with Kelsie, but I couldn’t shake off the shooting no matter how hard I tried.
I’d only slept for an hour last night because each time I closed my eyes I was back in the restaurant.
One minute I was teasing Igor over his nerves regarding fatherhood and the next was absolute chaos.
That night and the next it was more of the same.
No sleep. Constantly reliving the shooting.
It all amounted to barely any sleep, almost no appetite and a generally depressed outlook on my foreseeable future.
I hadn’t left my room in three days, and I hadn’t seen Igor or anyone else but Maxim when he brought meals.
And I was completely fine with that. This was all too much. But this is what you signed up for.
And that was why I kept it all to myself. It was why I suffered in silence. This was my burden to bear and mine alone. Jacob’s treatments had started, and he was already noticing a difference. That’s what mattered.
It was all that mattered.
A knock on the door startled me. It was harder and quicker than Maxim’s usual light and much slower knock. With a heavy sigh I pushed off the bed and went to the door, opening it without regard to my appearance so of course it had to be Igor.
“April,” he began hesitantly. “I brought food.”
I glanced at the rolling tray beside him and stepped back. “What is the occasion?” Typically my food came in a black plate or bowl, and this looked like more than that.
“I missed you,” he replied with a shrug as if that were a perfectly reasonable explanation. “I had some business to take care of that kept me away.”
I almost asked what business, but I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to stop me. It wasn’t my business to know. “It’s fine. I’ve been here, safe and sound.”
“You haven’t left your room in four days.” It wasn’t an accusation or a question but the curiosity in his eyes was undeniable.
I looked away with a shrug. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”
Igor took my chin between his fingers and turned my head toward him, tilting slightly so we were face to face. That didn’t seem to be enough for him though, because he cupped my face in his hands and his brows dipped in concern. “Talk to me.”
I tried to put some distance between us to calm my racing heart. “I’m fine, Igor. It’s nothing that will hurt the baby. I promise.” I ate even when I didn’t want to and slept whenever I could because until this baby arrived my body wasn’t solely mine.
“I’m asking about you April. I know the baby is okay.”
I blinked. “You don’t know.”
“I do. You gave your word. The bullets started flying and you protected my baby.” He pressed his forehead against mine for just a moment. “April.”
I could have talked to him, told him what was going on in my mind, but I didn’t want to talk. I was so damn sick of talking to myself, trying to talk myself out of remembering. “I don’t want to talk Igor.’
He pulled back, his jaw clenched while his face twisted in worry. “What do you want?” Once again, he looked like he stepped from a fashion magazine but as his gaze fixed on me, I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to analyze anything.
I just wanted to feel.