5. Shane
Shane
The Summer Before Junior Year
By the time summer rolls around, I’m pretty well taking something every day.
Sometimes pills, sometimes coke, but always something.
Luckily, my sister, Ash, is only fourteen, so she hasn’t really noticed.
She’s here for the summer, which has put me on edge more than normal.
Now, I have to navigate my dad for me and for her.
The drugs help, though.
I just need a little something to stay awake and keep an eye on her. I’m worried he’ll come home drunk and hurt her while I’m sleeping.
If I do sleep, I wake up in a panic after a nightmare that he’s done something to her.
I don’t know when I started feeling responsible for Ash.
It was definitely before our parents split.
I was twelve when they divorced, and I used to hide her in my room to keep her from hearing our dad beating the shit out of our mother.
I couldn’t do much else, so I’d take Ash to my room and distract her by listening to music or playing a game—anything to keep her from realizing what was going on.
I can handle him, but watching him treat her like shit is unbearable. Ash is good. She’s like the brightest, shiniest person I’ve ever known, and she doesn’t deserve this shit.
He expects her to do all the housework and cook while she’s here.
She does her best, but she’s fourteen for fuck’s sake.
I try to help her when he’s not here, but there’s not much I can do when he’s around.
I tried to vacuum once at the beginning of summer, and he noticed.
He dumped the entire contents of the sweeper out on the living room floor and told me it was her job to do the cleaning.
Some sort of weird misogynistic bullshit, I guess. It makes no sense because when she’s not here, all of those chores are mine to do again.
She never mouths back, so she rarely gets more than a verbal assault, but he’s grabbed her a couple of times when he was in a mood. I try to step in before he can really hurt her. He’d rather hit me anyway, and I don’t mind taking a punch if it keeps him off her.
Actually, it’s the one thing I’m good at.
School’s about to start back up. Thank God, she’ll go back to Raleigh soon. I love my sister, and I missed her like crazy this past school year, but I don’t want her here with him. I’d rather miss her than have her in this hellhole with me.
Dad went to the clubhouse a little bit ago. Hopefully he’ll drink so much he passes out in his truck. He’s been in a bad mood today.
Before he left for the club, he’d come home from work early and had been stomping around the house and grumbling to himself. Honestly, Ash and I should probably go to Dee’s to hide out before he comes back, but I’ve already taken an Oxy and a Xanax. If I try to leave, who knows where we’ll end up.
I kick my feet up on the couch and lean back on the armrest to wait for the drugs to take me somewhere else.
Ash stands from where she sits cross-legged on the floor. “Your feet smell like a dead animal!”
“Shut up.” I swing my leg out, waving my foot at her, and she squeals, her wadded up curls bouncing on top of her head as she jerks away.
When she’s a safe distance from me, she asks. “Want some tea?”
I shake my head, my eyes trained on the TV as she prances out of the room.
The back door slams and my heart sinks.
Fuck.
His boots clomp against the floor from the front door through the room and into the kitchen out of the corner of my eye.
I sit up to watch over the back of the couch as he approaches her, my heart picking up and the hair standing up on the back of my neck.
He grumbles something under his breath as Ash pulls the pitcher of tea from the fridge and starts to pour a glass.
“Would you hurry the fuck up!” he shouts, slamming his hand down on the counter with a smack.
She jumps.
The glass falls, shattering on the ground almost in slow motion.
Her eyes widen, filling with tears.
“I’m so sorry,” she pleads, scrambling to grab a towel.
But it’s too late. His neck’s already turning a deep red. That’s all it takes. One simple mistake, and he turns into the monster.
“You stupid little shit,” he shouts, fists balled at his sides.
I watch as she starts to tremble.
“I didn’t mean to. I’ll clean it up,” she says, tears starting to trickle down her cheeks.
I’m moving before I realize it, flying over the back of the couch and racing across the room to intercept him, but he makes it to her first. There’s nothing I can do to stop the back of his hand slamming into the side of her face.
Crack.
Her head snaps to the side as she shrieks, her hands flying to hold her cheek.
My skin lights on fire, and I want to fucking murder him.
My whole body vibrates, and my heart pounds against my sternum.
I barrel into him, my fist slamming into his chin.
We hit the ground.
He groans, rolling over me before popping me in the mouth.
Copper coats my tongue, and I see stars for a second.
It does nothing to dull the rage burning in my veins. I’m going to rip his head from his body.
“Don’t fucking touch her!” I shout, blood spraying from my mouth.
I can’t even feel the pain in my face because it’s numbed by the fury.
“You think you can tell me what to do with my own fucking kid? You wanna act like a big man? The hero?”
“Stop! Please, stop!” Ash screams.
He rears back before his fist meets my face again. The back of my head bounces off the kitchen floor, and I groan.
My vision blurs as blood trickles into my eyes.
“You need to learn your place, boy,” he growls, standing up.
I roll onto my side, looking for something to grab.
Stretching my arm above my head as bile rises in my throat, I try to reach the kitchen chair to pull myself up off the ground. My fingers find the wooden leg, and it scrapes the floor as I try to inch it toward me. But the sound gains his attention.
He takes one step toward me, then drives his booted foot down on my arm with a crunch.
Pain erupts and my vision blacks out for a second. I wail, my mask of indifference breaking.
My scream comes out strangled. “Fuck!”
Ash’s cries fill the background.
This time, his heel makes contact with my face, and everything goes black.
Trying to open my eyes, the light stings them, and a throbbing encases my skull.
I moan, lifting a hand to rub my eyes and wince when my fingers meet stitches across the bridge of my nose.
This time when I open them, my body warms with dread as the events in the kitchen come back to me.
I need out of here.
My chest squeezes, and I frantically look around.
He’s gonna flip out. They shouldn’t have brought me here.
“Hey,” a small voice says from the corner of the room.
Ash sits in a chair facing me with tears in her eyes. Her cheek is bright red and starting to bruise. Anxiety turns to rage, starting its slow build from the bottoms of my feet up to my face.
“Hey, you okay?” I dampen the anger in my voice and try to sit up.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Relax.” She moves to my side and laces her hand with mine, staring at me with big gray eyes.
I hate when people look at me like that. I’m fine. But it doesn’t seem to matter how many times I say that, no one believes it.
“Is Dad here?”
“No. He took off. Gran’s here, though.” She blinks away the tears.
I let my head fall back.
When I get back home, things are going to be so much worse.
Just as I reach to pull out the IV attached to my arm, the curtain opens, and Gran steps into the room a second after her flowery perfume fills the air. “Honey, how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” I repeat, picking at the tape.
“Hey. What the hell are you doing?” Gran takes three quick steps to my side and grabs my wrist.
“I need to go.”
She shakes her head. “No. You’re not going anywhere.”
“Yeah. I am.” I kick off the blanket and sit up. “I’m fine.”
“I don’t give a shit if you think you’re fine or not! You’re not leaving this hospital until the doctor says you can. Now, lay your ass back before your sister and I crawl in this bed and sit on you.”
I stop and stare at her, running it over in my head.
“The police are here to talk to you anyway.”
I scoff. “I’m not fucking talking to the cops.”
“We already told them everything.” She rolls her eyes. “So, you don’t have much of a choice. It’s time for the truth to come out.”
Taking a deep breath, I squeeze my eyes closed. I don’t want to tell the truth. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to go home.
She grips my chin to look at her. “I’m done watching this shit. You’re not going back to that house.”
“He won’t let me live with you.”
“He doesn’t have a choice. No judge on earth is going to send you back, baby.” She runs a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it happen sooner.” She shakes her head and tears well in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
A woman in a white coat who looks too young to actually be a doctor interrupts us and stops in the doorway.
“Great. You’re awake.” She smiles, holding a clipboard in front of her.
“So, your scans came back. That arm is definitely broken, so we’ll get that in a temporary cast before you leave.
Other than that, it looks like just a mild concussion and of course the lacerations we stitched up on your face.
Those will need removed in a week or so. ”
Gran nods. “That’s good.”
The doctor smiles at her before turning back to me. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” I mumble.
“Okay, well I’ll get all of that going, and we’ll work on getting you out of here.” She disappears through the curtain.
Police officers and social workers take turns interviewing Ash and I about what happened.
I avoid most of their questions, but I’m pretty sure my sister told them everything because eventually, the lady assigned to our case tells us that we’re being removed from his custody and released to Gran for now.
Apparently, they contacted Brenda, and she’s coming to pick up Ash. She probably doesn’t give a shit what they do with me.
Eventually, they put my arm in a cast and give me pain medication before I’m finally discharged. The medication they put in my IV works a hell of a lot better than the pills would have. Too bad they couldn’t send me home with some of that.
“I’m going to drop you two off, then I’ll go get your prescriptions picked up.”
I nod, staring blankly out at the road.
“Mom said she’ll be here in like an hour.”
My palms itch at the thought of having to see Brenda at all.
“You okay?” Gran asks.
I nod.
She asks again a couple more times before we finally make it home. As I step out of the car, Ash pins me with that look I don’t like. Her eyes are the size of saucers and brimming with tears. I feel like I might explode. Like I’m a wild animal that’s been cornered.
The second Gran heads to the pharmacy, I hightail it out of there. I don’t even realize I have a destination in mind until I’m standing on Gabe’s front porch and Colette opens the front door.
She places her hand over her mouth, sucking in a sharp breath as she whispers, “Shane.”
I don’t know why I’m here, honestly. I guess part of me just wanted to be somewhere that felt like home. Somewhere I could pretend to be a normal kid. Somewhere safe from my own thoughts.
“Come in, sweetheart.” She motions me into the house before yelling, “Jon! Can you come here?”
My heart starts to race.
Jon’s friends with him. What if he tells him I’m here.
Taking a step back, I’m about to bolt when he appears, taking up most of the doorway with his broad shoulders. “Oh shit.”
I swallow, lifting my chin. “I’m sorry I’m here so late. I just—”
“No.” Colette shakes her head and waves me into the house, then guides me toward the living room. “You’re always welcome here. You come over anytime.”
She looks at Jon like she doesn’t know what else to say as she gestures for me to sit on the couch.
“Shane, your grandmother called and told us what happened.” He sits on the arm of the chair and runs his hand over his full salt-and-pepper beard. “I’m so sorry. I wish we had known. You’ll never have to worry about him here. This is a safe place for you. So is the club.”
His normally cold eyes soften in a way I’ve never seen from the stoic man.
“Are you okay?” Colette asks, placing a hand on my bouncing knee.
I just nod.
Jon pats my back before standing. “We set up the guest room. It’s yours anytime you want it.”
Then, he walks away.
I stand to go up to the guest room, but Colette stops me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders without saying a word.
I hold my good arm out for a minute, not knowing how to respond. I’ve never been an affectionate kid. Maybe because my mom’s never been affectionate, or maybe I was just born that way.
Her hand rubs circles on my back and as she does, my heart rate slows, and it feels like my feet finally find their way back to the ground. My shoulders relax first, then I rest my hand on her back and melt into her hold.
By the time school starts back up, everything has pretty much settled.
Living with Gran is by far the best home life I’ve ever had.
She gives me a hard time every so often about being out late and coming home high, but for the most part she’s cool.
At least I don’t have to worry about what I’m walking into when I get home.
It’s not until the end of the school year when Ash comes to visit for the summer that Gran really loses her shit with me. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I got fucked up and totally forgot she was coming. When I did finally show up, Gran was pissed.
Note to self, do not come home to Gran’s fucked up.