7. Shane
Shane
My stomach churns and my palms sweat as I pull up in front of the brick house. Each step toward the door feels more like a hundred. My sister’s in town again for the summer, and I’ve been trying to keep my distance most of the time because I don’t want her to see me all fucked up.
Last night everyone was at the clubhouse, and I don’t know. I just wasn’t feeling it, so I snuck off to Marcus’s. I guess I over did it because when I came home this morning, my sister was at my apartment with Gabe. Apparently she snuck into the club last night with her friend and Max drugged her.
I kept my cool for the majority of the drive from the shop to Gran’s. Ash sat in the passenger seat, sniffling as she stared out the window. I wish I’d known what to say to her, but I couldn’t get a word out around suffocating pressure on my chest.
Every second since I found out, I’ve been trying to figure out how in the hell I’m supposed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Colette says, her brows furrowed and worry in her eyes as she opens the door.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to bother you. I just—”
I hate myself, and I want to get high, but that’s what got me into this mess, so I’m here instead.
“No, you could never bother me. Come here.”
She waves me inside, leads me to the kitchen, pours me a glass of tea, and places a plate with a cookie on it in front of me. Like a child who needs their mom to feed them sugar to cheer up. Not that I know what that feels like, but this is how I imagine it.
“Okay. Spill. What’s going on?” She leans back on the counter behind her.
“I fucked up,” I whisper.
“How?”
“This time or every time?” I half laugh, even though I’m not joking. “I think I’ve fucked up more than I haven’t.”
“Well, let’s start with what happened today, and then we’ll get to the rest.”
When Colette confronts me, it never feels like judgement.
I swallow hard before telling her about what happened with Ash, finishing the tale by saying, “I was too fucked up to save my own fucking sister.” It comes out broken and weak—utterly disgusted with myself.
“Oh, Shane.” She reaches out and touches my arm. “I’m so sorry. Is Ash okay?”
I nod. “Gabe kept an eye on her last night until I brought her home this morning.”
Pride shines on her face before her mouth turns down and her brows pinch. “It’s not your job to look after her. I know she’s your sister, and you’ve always protected her, but you’re not her parent. That is not your burden to bear.”
Tears threaten to well in my eyes. “I should have been there, though.”
“Maybe, but she shouldn’t have been. She had no business sneaking into the clubhouse like that, and you had no idea she was there.
” She leans over the counter until she’s eye level with me.
“You’ve got to start worrying about yourself as much as you worry about her.
” She thinks briefly before continuing, “I would be happy to find you some help. A rehab, or even just someone to talk to. You’re always welcome to talk to me, but a professional might be able to help you more. ”
“That’s okay. I’ll be fine. I just needed to vent.”
Her face falls like I’ve just told her that her dog died, but she doesn’t argue with me. “Okay. Well, if you change your mind, my offer stands.”
I don’t need to talk to anyone, I just need to stop doing stupid shit. I need to get clean. I failed my sister because I was high, and I’d rather die than ever do that again. A therapist can’t make me stop doing drugs. Only I can do that.
For a few weeks, I manage to avoid Ash for the most part. The guilt is still eating me alive, and I don’t want her to forgive me yet. If I see her, I know she will because she never blames me for anything.
So, I work, drink, and sleep all while resisting the urge to drive straight to Marcus’s. That last task is proving to be harder than I could have ever expected, but I’m doing it.
I’m under a Kia at the shop when Akers walks over.
“What’s up? I haven’t seen you lately,” he says, flipping over a bucket and sitting down.
“Not much, just trying to get my shit together.” I look over at the empty workspace next to me and my brows furrow. “Where’s Gabe? He never came back after lunch.”
I ran up to the apartment earlier, but he wasn’t there either.
“Probably on the roof with your sister.”
I stop what I’m doing to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“Seriously? They’ve been up there damn near every day for the last week.”
I just stare at him, unable to form words.
He has to be kidding.
Gabe wouldn’t be hanging out with my sister.
He has no reason to.
She’s too young.
And more importantly, she’s my sister.
“You really didn’t know?”
He is serious.
“No, I didn’t fucking know. What are they doing up there?” I stand, fuming.
“I don’t know. Talking, I guess.”
After wiping my hands and tossing the rag down on the counter, I charge through the shop.
I’ll fucking kill him. He’s not an exception.
No one fucks with my sister even if he did protect her from Max that night.
My blood boils as I stomp through the building.
We’ve never had a major blow-up, but this is the one thing that would do it for me.
Just as I make it to the parking lot, he’s rounding the corner of the building. Ash walks toward her Jeep, which is parked in the lot. He doesn’t notice me at first because he’s watching her and almost runs right into me.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I demand.
“What?” He looks at me, confused.
“With Ash. Why are you hanging out with my baby sister on the fucking roof, Gabe!”
He throws his hands up defensively.
“Oh, shit. It’s not like that.”
“Like what? She’s seventeen.”
I know we aren’t that much older than her, but honestly, she’s kind of naive, and we’re in a club that could get us killed. That’s not a combination I’m cool with. Not for my sister.
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I said it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”
He tries to get around me, but I shift to block him from getting into the building.
“I’m not kidding, if you go there, I’ll fucking kill you,” I threaten.
He has friends. He doesn’t need to be friends with Ash. I’ve been watching girls throw themselves at him since sophomore year. I’m not going to sit back and watch my sister become one of them. She’ll get her heart broken, and I’ll lose a friend. No fucking way.
That’s the line. I’ve already fucked up and let her get hurt once.
His voice pitches up when he says, “I got it.”
Taking a step back from him, I let out a deep breath. “Stay off the fucking roof with her.”
He doesn’t.
In fact, for the rest of the summer, my sister is glued to his side in the most annoying way. She’s in the shop with him like every day, giggling and acting like he’s one of her girlfriends. It makes me want to throw my socket wrench at his big dumb head.
When she finally heads back to Raleigh, I’m more than glad to see her go.
It takes a few weeks, but I think Gabe and I are finally getting back to normal now that she’s not here to distract him.
We’re smoking in the parking lot when Jon struts out of the building toward his bike. “Ready, boys?”
Gabe’s eyes light up. “We’re going?”
“Yep. If you get your asses in gear.”
We’ve been stuck doing shit at the clubhouse since Jon let us become prospects. Gabe has been begging his dad to let us go on a run with the club, and it’s finally happening.
“It’s nothing crazy. Just going out to pick up a shipment from the northern chapter. Should be pretty straight forward,” Jon shouts as Gabe and I climb on our bikes.
I never imagined I’d make this kind of money before joining the club, but after the first few weeks, I went out and bought a Harley. Jon had been letting me use one of his, but I was more than ready to have one of my own. It didn’t feel right being in a motorcycle club and riding someone else’s.
The pickup location is about a two-hour ride. Most of us are on bikes, but a couple of the guys follow in a van to transport the product.
Two hours feels like five minutes with the wind in my face and the road under my tires. That never gets old, and I cease to exist in these moments. There is no fucked up kid. No past mistakes. No disappointment. The rumble of the bike drowns all of that out, and I’m no one.
But that peace comes to a screeching halt as we pull up at the warehouse.
It’s too quiet, and there’s not a vehicle anywhere to be seen in the large parking lot in front of the run-down gray building.
“Shouldn’t they be here already?” Gabe asks.
“Should be.” Jon looks around.
He walks toward the building with a hand on his gun and looks through the window in the metal double doors.
Jon has a reputation, even with other clubs, as someone you don’t want to fuck with. He has no fear, or at least he acts like he doesn’t, and he’s ruthless.
When we get in the building, it appears to be empty and our boots echo against the concrete floor.
“Sweep the place,” he commands, and everyone spreads out to search the building.
I creep down one of the halls with my back against the wall. When I get to a doorway, I peek around the corner.
Nothing.
I slip inside and search the room.
Still nothing.
Twenty minutes later, everyone has reconvened in the main room of the warehouse.
“The place is empty,” Theo mutters.
Jon pulls out his phone, clenching his jaw. “Levi, where the fuck is my shipment?”
I can’t hear what Levi says on the other line, but Jon shouts, “What the fuck—”
He’s cut off as a window explodes. Then another. Gun shots erupt from outside.
“Get the fuck down!” Gabe shouts.
My knees hit the ground, and I throw my hands over my head. My ears ring and bullets clink against the concrete.
Even as the shots cease, I stay frozen for a moment, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
“Do not let them get away!” Jon shouts, jolting the guys into action. I still don’t move for a moment as my brothers scramble toward the exit.
“Come on.” Gabe yanks me to my feet, and I follow him, my brain still not fully taking in what’s happening.