10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Silas
It takes literally every ounce of my strength to walk away from Ella, but she needs rest and I don’t want to move too fast. Falling back into old habits with her would be so easy, but it would also be foolish to rush through this part, the part where we build trust and a more solid foundation than we had when we were younger. On my drive back to my parents’ house, I can’t stop reminiscing about those days, and thinking about them leads me to our first kiss.
I had wanted to kiss her at the paint party, but things went sideways fast and I ended up sitting in the police station for three hours while my parents and a friend’s lawyer mother made a deal with Officer Baker. Chuckling out loud at the fact that I now like the guy a lot, I make the last turn toward the house and park in the driveway. Everyone is here, every last brother, so I sit in my truck for a while to get some peace. It’s probably the only silent place on the property.
There’s no doubt about the fact that I will fail out of college and never earn an accounting degree. My brain simply does not function the way an accountant’s brain needs to in order to be good at it, but telling my parents that seems impossible. So, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock being that I will disappoint them if I tell them I want to drop out of college, and the hard place being I have no back up plan if I do.
Wilder is staring out the dining room window and makes eye contact with me. He’s the oldest, the quiet one who has a knack for picking up on the subtle details everyone else misses. He nods toward me, but he makes no move to come outside. He knows how it is. The guy spent a lot of time in his car when he still lived at home, seeking the tranquility of silence before heading into the madhouse that was the Thomas household.
I sigh and lean back in my seat, letting my mind drift to that kiss again.
THREE YEARS EARLIER
“What are we doing?” Ella asked, hesitant to follow me.
“Something different, Ells. When was the last time you took a walk in nature?”
“Um, never. I don’t really do nature. It’s hot and sticky, and there are bugs.”
I chuckled but tugged on her hand all the same. It was clear I didn’t plan on letting her do anything but hang out with me all day, so she accepted her fate and settled in. She jogged to keep up with me, reminding me that I was a lot taller than her. I checked over my shoulder repeatedly, but it wasn’t like she was going anywhere, not with that death grip on my hand as we entered the woods. She followed me for a while in silence until we reached the train tracks, a place I liked to walk and think.
“Here,” I said, turning to follow the abandoned train tracks that led out of town. The iron bars were still intact, but the wooden slats were rotted and falling apart. The smell of wet forest surrounded us, woodsy, and smoky. I stepped on one of the rails and balanced myself then offered her my other hand. She tipped her head to the side and put on her best skeptical face.
“I don’t see how walking down the train tracks in the forest is any fun at all,” she said.
“Come on, Ells. I’ll show you my favorite spot.” She made no move to follow me, only to stare down the tracks to see how far they went, then back to me for a long time. “Or you can stand there staring at me, whichever you prefer.”
She sighed and stepped on the rail beside me, toppling a bit. I offered my hand again to steady her, and together we walked down the worn tracks. The calm that settled over us in the coffee shop took us again—an easy, relaxed existence that would have looked like deep familiarity to anyone outside looking in. But from where I walked beside her, it was terrifying new territory. She had snatched up my heart and had such a good grip on it, there was no way I’d escape with it intact.
She was different and new, a spark of life that was so unlike anything else. No prank or adventure could quite compare to Ella’s mere presence beside me.
“Ells?” I whispered, not wanting to break this blessed silence. But I had to tell her the truth. I was leaving after summer break, and I wanted to talk to her about options. “I need to tell you something.”
Ahead, there was a darkened tunnel that cut through the hills, probably a bit unsafe for walking through, but she didn’t seem to be worried. “Hey, is your favorite place through that tunnel?” she asked, but that tone said she knew something important was coming, maybe something she didn’t want to hear, and she would ignore me.
“Ells,” I said, then paused.
“Silas, let’s walk for now, okay?” She glanced up at me so I relented. I had time.
We stopped at the tunnel and I inspected it before leading her inside. It was safe enough to walk through and short enough that I saw the light at the other end. Inside, though, she stopped walking and tugged my hand, so I turned and faced her.
“Are you okay? Your parents really lit into you last night.”
I shrugged and tried to forget how embarrassing it was to have both of my parents yelling at me in front of her. They didn’t even say anything to her, probably didn’t notice her because they were so mad at me.
“It was embarrassing, but I’m fine. Got a nice long lecture at home, too.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her thumb gently caressing my hand.
My free hand found its way to her face and brushed over her cheek before gliding into her hair. She leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering shut.
“Can I kiss you, Ells?”
“Wh-what?” Her eyes snapped open.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you since you threw your shoes off the roof at prom. Would it be okay?” I waited for her to process what I asked, but when she nodded slightly, my heart flipped. I tugged her closer and slipped my arm around her waist to lift her enough that she would be comfortable, then brushed my lips over hers. I didn’t want to rush it, but to burn every second of it into my mind. With her, everything was so much more intense, like I was on the edge of something but didn’t know what it was yet.
When she leaned into the kiss, I pressed harder and she slunk her arms around my neck. Kissing Ella was unlike any rush I’d ever had before, but it wasn’t exactly an adrenaline rush either. It was calming and soothing, and I was so caught up in her essence that I almost forgot about all of the promises I made for the fall, almost said to heck with it and cancelled my flight to stay beside her forever.
When the kiss naturally ended, she leaned her forehead against mine and closed her eyes again. Her breaths tickled my face, and her warm hands settled on my neck.
PRESENT DAY
A knock on my window jolts me back to reality. I’d practically fallen asleep in the seat dreaming about Ella and the moment I knew I’d never get her out of my head. Wilder stands in the driveway, staring back at me, pointing to the empty passenger seat. I nod and he rounds the truck to get in.
I clear my throat, waking fully, and start the truck. Who knows where he wants me to take him, but chances are it will be a more pleasant time than heading inside to face the whole family with this gray cloud hanging over me.
The second his rear end lands in the seat, he buckles up and says, “You are all twisted up over her again, aren’t you?”
“Huh?” I ask, wondering how he knows. I love my oldest brother, but we don’t connect as well as I do with Lev and Mav and those other, less awesome Thomas twins, Beck and Ezra. The five youngest of the brood.
“Little bro, don’t play with me. I’ve been around longer than any of you little brats, and I know you all better than you give me credit. Ella Marshall and Silas Thomas were epic, and it looks like round two has just begun. Also, take me to the grocery store. You’re blocking me in.”
I roll my eyes and head toward the supermarket so he can buy ingredients for whatever big dinner he’s planned next.
“Yeah, well, I’m trying to figure out how to get the girl back, keep the girl, and not screw it all up in the process,” I admit. Hopefully, he has some words of wisdom I can implement in my quest to earn the perfect wife.
Wife?
I meant girlfriend. I definitely meant girlfriend…didn’t I?
I swallow the panic that rises, but it only makes Wilder laugh.
“Silas, the first thing you gotta do is figure out how to tell Dad you’re not going to become an accountant like him, then you gotta figure out what it is you actually do want to be when you grow up, and then you can figure out how to hook the girl.” He stares back at me with a knowing grin, but he isn’t wrong.
I have to offer Ella something better than I did before. I can’t go into this with the sole purpose of earning her trust without any stability behind it. The foundation has to be strong. We both have faith in God and devotion to our families, which is a great start. But she needs more. She needs a stable man with a drive toward a goal…but what goal?
“Look, I’m not saying you figure it out right away, but a woman needs to know you have a plan and she can depend on you. You got in a lot of trouble when you were an idiot kid, but now you understand you can’t do that anymore. So the accounting thing isn’t working out, that’s fine. I’m saying, it’s better to deal with this now rather than later,” Wilder says.
Waiting has never been my strong suit, but as usual, my oldest brother is probably right.
“So, what do I do?” I ask, glancing at him again. I park in the small lot behind Joe’s grocery store and wait for brilliance to fall out of my brother’s mouth.
“First, you help me pick out some decent pork chops, then you find a quiet place and think about all of the things you like to do that wouldn’t drive you insane if you had to do it for the rest of your life, then brainstorm ways doing it can be a job.”
“Is that what you did?” For as long as I can remember, Wilder has wanted to be a chef and own his own restaurant. He even bought a building and has everything ready, but still hasn’t quit working at the junky diner where he started out.
“Yes, and I have plans so don’t look at me all skeptical. I have reasons for my timing, and yeah, before you ask they do involve a woman. And no, I won’t tell you who she is or what the plans are until I tell her.”
I raise an eyebrow because Wilder Thomas is the pickiest man alive when it comes to women. It isn’t that he’s narcissistic or egotistical, but he has a standard and he won’t give it up. He said once that any woman worth marrying has to understand his love for God will always come first, but after that, he would devote everything to his family. She has to be the same, or it won’t work. I admire his stance, but it makes me doubt my own faith sometimes.
“Hey,” Wilder says, pulling me out of my worry. “I’m not sure I ever said this to you, but I’m proud of you for what you did in Romania. It was God’s work, and even though it might have been easier to be selfish and stay here for her, you did what He needed you to do. I don’t think you finding her again is a coincidence, but God working it out for you. You’ll be all right, little bro.” Wilder punches my arm hard enough to leave a bruise and pushes open the truck door. I don’t have the energy to chase him down over it, plus I can’t stop replaying what he said.
He's proud of me.
Something about it brings a new lightness to everything. No one has outright told me they are proud of me before, especially not over the trip, and for the first time, what I did actually hits home. I’d crossed the world to rebuild a school in the slums, taught little kids how to play soccer, bought food for mothers who had no money, and spent a lot of time thanking God for all I had. And I was eighteen. Alone. Without guidance from anyone.
“You coming?” Wilder shouts.
“Yeah, sorry. Show me how to pick out pork chops, biggest bro,” I tease, then punch his arm before running into the grocery store. It’s childish to hit him and run, but Wilder is fast and hits hard. Our interaction has brought some peace and much needed laughter. It turns out, I need to laugh as much as I need to breathe.