Chapter 5 - Ezra
Five
Ezra
Loneliness has a way of gripping your soul and refuses to let it go.
Sure, you can drown yourself in tons of alcohol, get high, fuck around to forget about it, to avoid the fact that on the inside, your heart is barren and frozen.
You can try to avoid that loneliness all you want, and for a short while, you might even succeed. You might feel that the people you surround yourself with help you feel less lonely. That you’re fine and happy.
But then morning comes, and the high wears off. People leave you, and regrets slam into you like a freight train, making you feel even more miserable and lonely than before.
You lie on your couch, ready to puke your guts out as life flashes before your eyes like a series of bad decisions and despair.
Yet, as the day settles and night comes with a deep sense of foreboding, you pick your ass up and walk into a bar to fill that gaping hole in your heart, the void that never fills, no matter what you do.
But you don’t stop trying and making those same flawed decisions over and over again as desperation gets the best of you, only to leave you at your worst.
I know all of this, and I still find myself walking into a club to chase away the demons that threaten to pull me in every night.
Only this time, the trick might actually work because I find her, though I know she’s not my biggest fan.
It’s only in Kaeli’s presence that my demons seem to scatter away; they hide, nowhere to be found with the light that seeps within me that she exudes and doesn’t even realize it.
An involuntary smile makes its way to my lips, and I take a step toward her, my body already coming to life with anticipation curling around my veins. The smile slips just as soon, though, giving way to anger.
A fool is pressed up against Kaeli, crowding her against the bar while she looks like she’s about to puke or go into a panic attack. The fact that this asshole is attempting to force himself on her enrages me. I guess he’ll be the one regretting his dumb ass decisions tomorrow.
I stalk toward the man who seems to think that touching a woman, even when she’s not interested and says no, is no big deal. God! Men like him are a stain on the world.
Grabbing his shoulder and twisting his hand behind his back, I yank him from her and throw him across the bar counter, threatening him with bodily injury if I ever see him near Kaeli.
Turning around, I push the pathetic dude away, wishing that I could’ve at least broken his fingers, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. I’m an NHL player, and people tend to gossip. I don’t want a PR scandal on my hands. Especially not if it would involve Kaeli.
Suddenly, her slurred voice reaches my ears. “Fuck, that ass looks good in those jeans.” I turn on my heels as amusement rises within me. By the expressions on her face, I don’t think she realizes that she voiced her inner thoughts. She’s wasted.
It’s definitely a great boost to my ego. Knowing that she does find me attractive. Well, at least my ass so far.
She might not find me attractive, but I don’t think there’s a single thing about her that I find unappealing.
From her fiery hair to her freckled face. Her cat eyes a stark contrast to the warmth of her coffee-colored irises rimmed with flecks of green. Her pouty lips that are right there, always sporting her signature red lipstick, beg me to smear them and have it on every inch of my body.
Her closeness makes it incredibly difficult for me to restrain my urge to engulf her lips in mine, to have a taste.
Her heels make her legs look like they run for miles as she stands taller than her actual five-foot-six. Her waist tempting me to tug her to me and never let go.
Catching her stumbling form has me doing just that when my hands around her waist singe me with the delicious heat of her body.
Then she goes ahead and makes me an addict of her honey and lavender scent when she fucking nuzzles her face in my chest. My heart practically leaps from my chest and offers itself at her feet to care for or to stomp on.
I barely cap my reaction to her closeness and notice that she’s alone and not in a state to be so. It’s time for her to go home. Only if she remembered where hers is in her intoxicated state.
One thing I do find out about Kaeli is that she’s a funny drunk and an imaginative one at that. She just keeps giggling at anything that I say. That carefree laugh just about knocks me on my ass right there on the sidewalk.
All these years, she hasn’t given me a single smile.
And suddenly, she’s gracing me with those cute as fuck giggles that light up her glazed eyes, finding everything I say hilarious.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so fucking melodious and enchanting.
Who knew the trick would be to get a few drops of alcohol into her?
The moment she’s in my car, the air fills with her scent. It’s so her. I can’t resist sniffing the air again as notes of honey and caramel tickle my nostrils. God! She just had to go and smell so arousing.
Soon, we’re at my penthouse, and I park in the garage. I’m about to call out her name when I find that she’s already passed out, her head resting against the window.
And for the first time since I saw her three years ago, I allow myself to really see her, because she doesn’t let me in when she’s awake.
Her thick lashes line the apple of her cheeks, which are flushed because of how drunk she is. Her pouty lips parting on a soft exhale, bringing a smile to my face. There’s not a single frown marring her features.
She’s the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen, even when she’s angry. But I’ll never say it to her face, not when she’s always glaring at me. That’ll give her too much ammunition against me.
The reality of us brings me out of my stupor, even though there’s not a single drop of alcohol in my blood. It’s just the Kaeli effect; her presence is intoxicating enough to make me lose hold of what’s true. And that thought alone is jarring.
I never want to hand over the control or the key to my emotions to anybody else ever again. Not after…I halt my thoughts, refusing to go down that road. Not tonight, at least.
I get out of the car with a sigh and round to her side of it. Carefully opening the door, I undo her seatbelt and pick her up bridal-style and walk straight to the elevator.
Her head lolls to my chest, as her hands rise to curl around my shoulders.
“You’re so warm,” she mumbles, nuzzling in the crook of my neck.
My hands flex, and I feel the beat of my heart rising with every passing second.
God, bringing this woman home was a terrible idea, not that I can do shit about it now.
Shaking my head at my own stupidity, the moment the elevator chimes open on my floor, I walk toward the guestroom and halt at its door. It’s not like I can leave her alone at night; I don’t want her choking on her own vomit. And it’ll be a headache to spread the bed sheets.
Satisfied with my reasoning of wanting her in my bed, I enter my room instead.
Gently, I place her on my bed and remove her heels from her smooth legs. My fingers linger there for a second longer before I think better of it, knowing she’d skin me alive for even touching her if she were sober. She moans at the loss of my touch, and my cock twitches in my pants.
Not the time, dude. I look down and chastise my dick.
Grabbing the blanket, I tuck her inside it. Strands of hair fall on her face, so I push them behind her ears. My fingers glide over her skin like water. Her skin is so fucking soft, it’s criminal.
The smudged makeup on her eyelids catches my attention, and reluctantly, I pad over to my bathroom to get some wet wipes, which I have in case my sister, Andie, ever stays the night.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, close to her, I carefully wipe her face clean of makeup, hoping that she doesn’t wake up. God, she’s beautiful even without a speck of makeup on her face. If not for her smart mouth, I might even enjoy her company.
Liar. You still do. My brain decides to chime in.
Once done, I discard the wipes and place a bucket beside the bed in case she wakes up to puke her guts out, and a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table. The hangover’s gonna kill her tomorrow.
I can’t wait to see her reaction when she finds herself in my bed. The thought alone is enough to bring a grin to my face.
After showering and getting ready for bed, I climb under the covers, maintaining my distance from her sleeping form and praying that I don’t wake up with a hard-on.
Her soft snoring lulls me to sleep, and for the first time, I don’t feel so alone in my home.