CHAPTER 3 Good Friends & Good Food.
Good Friends & Good Food.
It had been almost a week, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about the way Jakayla had looked at me last Sunday. She’d come back to her house, and I thought it’d be nice to open the door for her, but as soon as she got a good look at me, she couldn’t take her eyes off me.
Now, I’m well aware that I’m fine as fuck.
I’ve never thought otherwise, and yes, I have caught her stealing glances every now and then, but this was different.
She had looked at me like she wanted to devour me right then and there, and as much as I wanted that, there was that little bit of anxiety at the back of my brain as usual.
So, I ignored the feelings that bubbled up when her eyes traveled down my frame.
But just as quickly as she checked me out, she changed the subject.
I always found peace in knowing that even if she ever did want to go there with me, she would wait until I brought it up first. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted every damn thing she’d give me if I gave her a chance.
I wanted her kisses that were more than just a peck on the forehead.
I wanted to feel her hands on me in ways that made people think that we were more than friends.
Hell, I wanted to be more than friends with her one day. I wanted the title. I wanted her to be mine, and I wanted to be hers. I wanted to finally be able to introduce her to my friends and family as my girlfriend, and not just one of my best friends. I wanted her so bad!
But I was scared…
Sasha really ruined relationships for me, and I hated that I still couldn’t get past that fear even after all this time.
Every time I even thought about dating again, an intense wave of emotions washed over me, and I was sick to my stomach.
It caused me so much anxiety and panic that I had to start seeing a therapist last year.
I was working through my trauma, but I knew that it was going to take time.
That’s why I didn’t want to try to pursue anything with Kay.
I was terrified that things would go south on that day, and then not only would I lose the one woman I’d loved for years, but I’d also lose one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
And Serenity might even lose her second mom.
I couldn’t have that.
So, I pushed my feelings to the back of my brain because I refused to ruin what we had. We were good where we were, and I was not about to piss off the universe by asking for more.
But every time I saw her, I wanted to drop to my knees for her.
I wanted her to have me any way she pleased.
I wanted to grip those thick muscles and then scratch up her back as she fucked me into next week.
I knew for a fact that she knew how to work a strap.
Shit, I knew that she could make a girl go crazy without one.
I’d, unfortunately, heard a few of her escapades back in college when we used to live together, so I knew what type of time she was on…
“I just don’t get you, Zee,” my childhood best friend, Kenisha, says, pulling me back to reality. She thanks the waitress as she places our mimosas on the table.
Kenisha and I had been friends since 3rd grade.
She always had my back, even from a young age, and she was like another sister to me.
Our families got along well, and there’d been plenty of times growing up when we stayed over at each other’s houses or went on day trips with the other’s family.
Even though she now lives in Texas, we still make it a habit to get together at least twice a month and to talk on the phone at least three times a week.
Yesterday, she’d flown in to attend her father’s retirement party, so we decided to go out today for brunch.
Serenity was spending the weekend with my sister and her family.
She had a daughter around her age, and they were the best of friends.
So, I pretty much had the entire house to myself.
I enjoyed the quiet, but it was lonely, especially whenever Kay was working, which was usually more than I was.
“What don’t you get?” I finally ask.
“Why you won’t hop on Kay’s silicone dick and ride that cowgirl into the sunset,” she says, and I almost choke on my drink. “What?! You know you want to.”
“Yes, but you know…”
“You don’t want to get attached and get your heart broken again. Yada yada ya,” she cuts me off, waving her hand dismissively. “Girl, I get that, but ain’t shit wrong with letting her blow your back out at least once. When’s the last time you had somebody do that for you, by the way?”
“Not since…” My voice trails off as my cheeks warm in embarrassment. “Before I got pregnant…”
“Hold up. Hold up. You mean to tell me that you’ve been orgasm-deprived for damn near four years now?” she asks, shocked.
“Wait, no, not totally,” I say. “My rose comes in handy, and so does that vibrator wand I purchased a couple of months ago.” I sigh. “They get the job done, but it’s never satisfying unless…”
“Unless you think about Kay going down on you?” she teases, and I look away, embarrassed once again because she was right.
“Ahh, bestie, it's okay! It's totally normal to fantasize about someone, especially if they’re that damn fine and treat you the way she treats you. The whole world can see that she loves the fuck outta you.”
“Yeah, as a friend.”
“Yeah, that, but also…there’s something more.” She nods. “That woman worships the ground you walk on, and there’s no doubt in my mind that she would wait for you for as long as it takes for you to admit your feelings. You know she’s a gentlewoman who won’t make a move until you tell her.”
That gets a laugh out of me, because I knew it was true. I knew whenever I was ready to cross that line, she’d be right there to hold my hand, which makes me wonder if she even realized how gone I was for her. Did I give her the vibes that I was into her?
God, I hoped so. I hoped she could see the way I looked at her when she was in business mode.
I hoped she noticed the way my eyes traveled the length of her frame when she wore her favorite combination of overalls with a plaid shirt rolled up to her elbows, looking like the sexiest farm girl in the world.
I hoped she noticed how my breath caught in my throat when she hopped up onto her favorite horse and went trail riding with her cousins and sister.
I hope she realized that I loved everything about her, from her beauty to the way she loves me, Sera, and everyone around her.
Down to the way she walked, laughed, cooked…
hell, even the way her eyebrows furrowed when she was deep in thought.
There was no doubt in my mind that she was the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
I’ve thought so since the first time I laid eyes on her.
And, not gonna lie, even sometimes when I was with Sasha, and she did something to piss me off, I’d think about how things could’ve gone had I made my feelings known to Kay before things between Sasha and me got serious.
But then I shake the regret from my head because had I not gone through what I did with Sasha, I wouldn’t have Serenity.
I might’ve despised the woman I was supposed to raise her with, but I’ll never regret having her.
I’m just glad that Sasha had no claim to Serenity.
As bad as I felt for thinking like that, I also felt relief because the last thing I wanted was for her to come back into my life, thinking that she had some say-so over my daughter after abandoning us. Nah, never!
I sigh, shaking my head before turning back into some story Kenisha was telling me about how her kids ate the snacks she bought in under a week.
I chuckled because she shouldn’t be surprised since her kids had inherited their appetite from her husband.
He was a fine ass, tall ass, thick ass man who played football professionally.
He treated my friend so well, and he was the best dad in the world to their three kids, so literally the only thing she could complain about was how fast the food disappeared.
“Baby, you know Troy ain’t got no problem dropping a bag on more groceries,” I tease.
“And you know how well your kids eat. They get that from you and their daddy. Shoot, Serenity has an appetite, too. Especially if it’s something Kay cooks.
We be over here eating good, and ain’t nothing wrong with that. ”
“Yeah, I know.” She giggles. “I don’t mind my babies eating because I would rather them be full than not have enough. I complain all the time, but I don’t mind one bit.”
“Trust me, I know,” I assure her. “If it’s one thing you don’t play about, it’s that man and them kids.”
“Okay!” she seconds, raising her glass, and I clink mine against it.
Our conversations drift to other topics as we catch up and chat about what else has been going on in our lives.
She asked me how work was going, and I gushed about how sweet and excited the kids were about learning to play various instruments and songs.
I’d even started a music club for older kids interested in diving deeper into the more advanced side of music.
Currently, I have about 10 members, but I was expecting it to hit 20 by the end of the semester.
After lunch, Kenisha and I headed out to do a bit of shopping at a nearby outlet mall.
I wasn’t the biggest shopper, but I did want to get a few things for Serenity.
I knew Kenisha wouldn’t mind because she loved shopping for her kids just as much as I loved shopping for Sera.
The last time we came here, there was a cute little jumpsuit that I wanted to get her, but it was a few sizes too big.
I meant to buy it and just hold on to it until she grows, but I forgot to circle back to the store. I hoped that it was still in stock.