17. Cara
seventeen
Cara
T he team was pretty chill. They had travelling down to a fine art and really didn’t need me with them.
But that’s where my chill ended. The missed-call notifications started again the moment I turned airplane mode off. Five from Dad in the space of a one-hour flight. I’d ignored three of them while we were waiting to board the Seals’ jet.
The team milled around, sitting on the white leather couches overlooking the tarmac, talking and laughing. I watched Alec interact with them—or not interact, more accurately. He held himself apart from them. He seemed close to Jacques and the other forward he was on the ice with, but there was a wall between him and the other guys. It was as if he was distancing himself, already halfway out the door. Psychologists discussed team sports in the context of synergy. Sports people talked about teams being a family, a brotherhood. Alec looked like he desperately wanted to belong but didn’t know how to. He was fluid on the ice, knowing exactly where his teammates were at any time, but off it, he was completely different. He was quieter than the others and a heck of a lot more introspective too.
Roe was good at mingling. He was talking to Rune, the goalie, and Sawchuck, one of the assistant coaches. I hadn’t seen him yesterday except in the morning when we’d woken curled around each other. He’d been quiet over breakfast, leaving immediately after, but from what Zali had told me, they’d both had a rough day. The memories from last year and the events that led to it were still very fresh in all their memories, especially because of the podcast. It was a raging success, but I’d seen the toll it took on my friends, so celebrating that felt wrong.
Another missed-call notification lit up my phone, care of the call I’d just ignored. Dad wasn’t giving up.
Our luggage was being offloaded and transferred directly onto the bus. While everyone was distracted, I tucked myself into a corner of the private terminal and called him back.
“Cara, why didn’t you answer my calls?” Dad demanded to know by way of greeting.
“I was on the plane, Dad.”
“Oh, sorry,” he said, not sounding the slightest bit apologetic. “Look, I need you to talk to your mother for me. You have to make her see sense—”
“Dad—”
“She’s refusing to even talk to me about anything and that’s not fair—”
“Dad,” I said louder, my voice sharper, but he just continued rambling without even stopping to take a breath.
“I don’t want to lose her. She went out last night and didn’t get home until after midnight. She was on a date—I’m sure of it. We’re supposed to be together. I waited for her to come back, but she wouldn’t even listen to me when I tried to speak to her. Talk to her, please.”
He finally ran out of steam, and I paused a moment, waiting to see whether he would start up again.
“When was the last time you slept with Danielle, Dad?”
“That doesn’t matter. This is about your mum. She went out on a date.”
I laughed, but it held no humour. “You’re missing the point, Dad. It does matter. How can you ask Mum to give you a chance when you’re still cheating on her?” Mum was living in the guest house on their property, so he could see when she was home simply by looking out the window, but it was still creepy that he was keeping tabs on her.
“Fine—last night. But it was because your mother wasn’t home. I went to the guest house, and she wasn’t there. I was upset and called Danielle. She came over to comfort me, then next minute, it just happened.”
“You don’t just accidentally sleep with someone, Dad,” I bit out. My blood was boiling. He was up in arms because Mum had come out with me. But he’d gone and slept with Danielle while he was waiting for her to get back. Talk about bed hopping. Had he even showered before he was trying to get back with Mum? If I had any respect left for him, he’d lost it in that moment.
“You don’t understand—”
“No, you’re right, I don’t,” I snapped back. “You’re weak, and you’re so busy blaming everyone else for your failures that you don’t even see you’re the one at fault here. You took your vows to Mum and spat on them. You’re assuming that she went out on a date, and you’re upset because of it. But you won’t prove to her that you can change or that you’re even willing to be faithful again. You’re hurting Mum, and you’re hurting me. Every time you call me, it’s about a problem you caused that you want me to fix. You’ve asked me to lie for you and cover up your cheating for you. Now you’re asking me to do it again. I won’t do your dirty work, Dad. Until you can understand and respect that, I don’t want to hear from you.”
There was a silence so profound on the other end of the line that I could have heard a pin drop. I pulled the phone away and checked that it was still connected.
“I’m just a man, Cara.”
“Are you kidding me?” I exploded, much louder than I should have been. “You’re blaming your appendage for lying and cheating?” I shook my head and ground my teeth, huffing as I bit back the curses I wanted to let fly. I didn’t do that—I didn’t swear or scream. He was bringing out a side of me that I despised.
My head was suddenly heavy, the throbbing in my temples feeling like I’d taken a baseball bat to the face. I rubbed my eyes, wishing away the headache.
“No,” he said quietly. “Just that I’m human. I wish that I was a better person too. I’m not infallible. I’m not even worthy of your respect anymore.”
“I’m glad we agree on that.” My voice cracked, and I hated myself for not being strong enough. I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to rage.
“I’m sorry.”
His words may have sounded sincere to someone who didn’t know him, but I could hear the lie behind them. “Don’t apologize to me, Dad. I’m not interested in empty words. You’ve hurt Mum over and over, and I won’t forgive you for that. You need to stop doing it. Until then, I need a break from the mess you got yourself into. Please don’t call me again.”
I hung up and squeezed my phone hard enough to break it. My eyes stung, and I closed them tightly, but tears tracked down my face anyway. I sucked in a shuddery breath and faced the prospect of not speaking with my dad again. I loved him, I really did, but I hated him too.
I rested my forehead on the wall, hiding from everyone. I wanted to curl up inside a blanket fort and shut out the world. With ice cream.
Screw cheaters. They sucked.
I dashed away my tears, frustrated at myself that he’d managed to upset me again, and straightened my shoulders. This was my trip, the chance of a lifetime. I’d already had an unforgettable experience, and I wanted more of it. I wanted to have fun. If I got more time with Monroe and Alec, that was great. But if not, I had another hockey game to watch.
“You okay?” Monroe asked quietly from behind me, startling me.
I exhaled heavily and as I turned around, I put on a smile that I didn’t entirely feel, but I knew I would soon enough. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you ready to head off?”
“I am.”
***
“Dad called me again,” I told Zali. I’d called her after we’d checked into the hotel and I’d freshened up. The words weren’t flowing. I’d sat at the little desk in my hotel room for half an hour, and nothing. Nada. I had half a day of alone time, and I was desperate to make the best use of it, but my inspiration had evaporated.
Roe was accompanying the team to the Convention Centre to check out the rink. Then they were doing a light workout, warming up to get ready for the game. Once they were done, they’d have a few hours of downtime before bussing it to the rink.
Zali growled and I giggled, unable to help myself when she got all protective. “What about this time?”
“To beg me to tell Mum to come to her senses and go back to him. But, get this—he literally slept with Danielle while he was waiting for Mum to get home. Can you believe that?”
“No offence, but your dad’s a pig.”
I huffed out a laugh, equal parts sad and resigned. “That he is.” We were quiet for a moment, Zali letting me process my thoughts in comfortable silence.
I opened my mouth to speak, but Zali beat me to it.
“Okay, real talk. How sexy are the hockey players?” Zali asked rhetorically. Her voice had taken on a conspiratorial whisper. “Watching the game on TV was incredible. I can’t imagine what the atmosphere is like live.”
Heat scorched my cheeks, and I fanned my face trying to cool down. “They’re so gorgeous, Zali. Oh my goodness gracious, so pretty. And hot. Did I mention gorgeous?” I bit down on my lip to stop myself from gushing, but it was no use. “The game last night was amazing. Incredible. The atmosphere was so great, and Alec got a hat trick. It’s the first time in his career that he’s done it, and I got to witness it. And dang, does he look hot in his uniform. He’s big, like, way taller than me, but in his gear, he would tower over even Monroe.”
“Yeah?”
“He’s very good. It’s like magic when he’s on the ice. The way he moves….” I sighed.
“And Alec’s the captain? He’s the one you grew up with, yeah?”
“No, that’s Jackie. Jacques Gauthier,” I clarified and Zali hummed.
It was weird seeing him talking to Mum last night. She got all flustered and then seemed disappointed when I told Alec that going out drinking wasn’t really my scene. I loved hanging out with friends and would have gladly gone with the team, but not to that pub. It was where both the football and cricket teams celebrated after matches. The women were there to bag a pro-sports hookup/husband and, frankly, I didn’t like it being pointed out to me over and over again that someone my size had no chance in hell of scoring. It wasn’t like I needed the reminder that every one of them were out of my league.
“Have you had a chance to spend much time with him? Jacques, I mean.”
I waved my hand dismissively, even though Zali couldn’t see. “A little, but he’s been busy.” She hummed again and I paused, then asked, “What? What aren’t you saying?”
“Oh, nothing.” Her laugh was soft and her voice teasing when she asked, “Did you notice anyone else on the ice, or just Alec?”
I squeaked, the heat rushing to my cheeks again.
“Okay, girl, spill,” Zali instructed me, and I couldn’t help my giggle.
“I might have kissed him,” I whispered, my voice unsteady from the butterflies that had taken flight when I thought about what had happened between the three of us.
“I can tell from your voice that it was good,” she said, but there was something else in her tone that made me hesitate. I thought she’d be happy for me, especially because we’d spoken about my lack of dating experience before. She knew I wanted to meet someone and that I’d found it hard.
Monroe. It had to be that. Goodness, did I want to tell her. But how did I broach the subject? Oh yeah, and I slept with your dad too? I lost my virginity to two men in one night? Zali didn’t judge. I knew she’d cheer me on if it was anyone else, but would she say the same thing if she knew I was falling for her dad? Monroe had spoken with her, but he hadn’t passed on the content of their conversation. Would she want to hear about it? I wouldn’t give her the details—those were private—but would she be upset? Would she think I was trying to replace her?
I pushed those thoughts aside. If I just told her about Alec, surely she’d be happy for me.
“You have no idea. Actually, you probably do with your guys, but oh my gosh, Zali, it was perfect. He was perfect.” They were perfect.
“I’d love to see a game,” she mused longingly. “Dad tried to get us tickets for Brisbane, but it was a no go.”
I licked my lips. I wanted her here. Maybe if she saw the way her dad smiled now, she’d be okay. Maybe if she met Alec, she could see why I couldn’t choose between them.
“I can get tickets,” I babbled. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it until now. We got tickets as part of our sponsorship, but the giveaway had been bungled, and we still had a few single seats available in each venue. “I’ve got an allocation. I’ll check on exactly how many we have. All I need to do is let the venue know your names.”
“We’ll be there,” Zali promised. I could already hear her moving around. “Ry,” she called. “Fancy a flight to Sydney?”
“Sure. When?” he responded.
“Now?”
Eep! This was really happening.