21. Monroe
twenty-one
Monroe
W e were avoiding one another. I was angry with Alec. He hadn’t even given us a chance to talk about things like adults before he started on Cara and me, accusing us of lying to him.
But I was even angrier with myself. Alec was hurting. He’d said some pretty revealing things, and I’d glossed straight over them. I’d focussed on entirely the wrong part of the conversation. He’d told me not to walk away from him because that’s what everyone did—either that or they gave him attitude. In the heat of the moment, I’d focussed on the latter rather than the former.
Then I’d told him to fuck off, Cara had run out, and I’d gone looking for her.
We’d both done the exact thing he’d asked us not to do.
Cara said she needed some alone time. She’d needed to write, to disappear for a while. I was too damn angry at Alec to face him again. I’d wiled away the day, trying to keep myself busy but was really counting down the hours until the game.
I’d talked myself in and out of going to the stadium so many times that I would have been late, even if my final decision was a yes. But when I logged into my streaming app for the third time in the first period, I knew I had to get out of the hotel. I locked my phone in my room and went outside, needing to burn off my excess energy. The path from Darling Harbour to the Opera House was an easy one to run—flat and paved the whole way—and long enough to get me out of my head.
At least I thought it had been.
I couldn’t recall a single thing about it except the burn in my lungs then and the ache in my legs today.
By the time I’d arrived back at the hotel, the game was well and truly over, and I hadn’t known whether the team was out celebrating or commiserating behind closed doors.
This morning I’d ordered room service instead of eating breakfast with the team, then snuck onto the bus before anyone else. We were about to fly to Melbourne for the final two games of the series. But I had some time.
I opened my streaming app, figuring I’d at least find out what the final score was and watch the highlights. But every second of reel was brutal. The Kings had wiped the floor with them. Alec had been off all night, not gelling with Gauthier or Hewitt. When they could actually get their sticks on the puck, they’d fumbled it. My heart hurt for Alec when I saw pass after pass being intercepted. He’d tried so hard, but his frustration bled through into his game, and it was epically bad.
I sighed and closed the app. The last thing I wanted was for the team to see me watching it. They were up two games to one, but it was anyone’s series. None of them needed to be reminded of how close to a shutout they’d come.
The only reason the score wasn’t even worse was a fluke of a goal from Korhonen, the fourth line forward, and Rune having the game of his life, saving bullet after bullet. The guy must be black and blue this morning.
I gave Cara a small smile as she slipped onto the bus. The line of players boarding behind her stopped as she hesitated. When she moved past me, sitting a few rows behind, a band tightened around my heart, squeezing it tight. I hated this tension, her needing space, and my being unable to fix any of it. But I understood. She’d been through a lot in the last six weeks. I’d never crowd her if she genuinely wanted space. But I also wasn’t going to sit idle and watch her slip out of my hands.
I just didn’t know what to do with Alec. Cara didn’t want him to walk away. I didn’t either.
I needed to fix this.
***
I was stalling.
A day and a half had passed in a blur. We’d flown to Melbourne and had barely checked into the hotel before we were out again. The team had participated in a charity golf game while Cara and I checked on the venue and worked out a few last-minute issues for the dinner Delaware’s Warehouse were putting on for the team. Her dad had picked the restaurant—some swanky affair in the city known for its cuisine. But I wasn’t impressed. They’d managed to lose the list of food allergies Cara had forwarded them and weren’t happy about having to cater to them now. It was a good thing she’d checked, or we likely would have been calling ambulances.
The dinner had run late, but I’d skipped out early. I wanted to give Cara space to catch up with her old friend and for Alec to hopefully enjoy some time with the team. I wasn’t sure if he’d sorted things out with the whole team, but I’d watched him in the bar the night of the last game. He was definitely on better terms with Gauthier, Hewitt, Rune, and Kreutzmann.
I got my workout in early this morning and managed to avoid seeing anyone. I was grateful that I’d booked a boatbuilding experience the moment I’d known I would have a free day in Melbourne. I’d spent the whole day there, learning traditional methods—hand cutting, planing, and chiselling the timber into the right shape. My classmates and I had made a toy-sized rowboat. Random, yes, but fun too. I spent all day, every day around boats and yachts. I watched as the tradies created art from the ground up. I saw yachts unveiled for their owners, and I’d helped launch hundreds of them into the water for the first time.
But I’d never had anything to do with building one.
Now, hot, sweaty, dusty, and on the tram back into the city, I was regretting it. I had just enough time to shower and change, grab a bite to eat, and head to the arena with Cara to cheer on our boys.
The Seals were headed for a win. I hoped.
I dashed across the lobby but came to a screeching halt the moment I spied him. Alec was waiting for the lift, wearing sweats and a pair of slides with white gym socks. He was holding a bottle of water. It looked like he’d been outside in the park, soaking up the sunshine. His cheeks were flushed, and he looked happy. The boyish grin on his lips as he laughed with his teammates lit me up from inside.
I wanted to go to him and let him know we’d be cheering him on. I wanted to tell him to look for Cara and me tonight in the stands. But I didn’t want to get in the way either. I didn’t want to distract him or risk pulling him out of the zone.
Alec was smiling, the centre of his teammates’ attention. They were ribbing him for something, playfully shoving him and laughing. Five guys surrounded him, talking at once, gesturing with their hands, and teasing him over something. They were by far the loudest group in the room, carrying on like testosterone-fuelled teenagers. But it was heartwarming to see.
Alec had been struggling. At first I didn’t know what the cause was, only that his relationship with his teammates was in tatters. I didn’t want to pry. But the morning everything went to hell in a handbasket, I’d needed to know what the posts were about. So I googled his name. The rumours were brutal, and the vitriol was downright vicious.
Apparently, he’d been busted leaving his teammate’s house just before he’d arrived home. Everyone drew the same conclusion—Alec was banging Minns’s wife. The conversations I’d overheard now made a lot more sense. They didn’t surprise me, but I was disappointed for Alec—no one had corrected the rumours. No one had said he was incapable of it. I didn’t believe for a moment that he would hurt someone like that. But they obviously did.
No wonder tensions were running hot in the team.
But at least Gauthier and Hewitt seemed to be more levelheaded. In the team meeting I’d inadvertently walked in on, Gauthier had stood up for Alec, and they were bracketing him now, ribbing him the hardest.
I waited until they’d caught the lift before hailing one of my own. Then I headed straight to my room and showered. I was hungry, but seeing him just now had ignited something more inside me. I needed to fix things between us. I needed to make sure that we were good. I wanted him to know he had us on his side too. I wanted that for him—to know that we cared, that we wouldn’t turn our backs on him again.
But how?
I sat on the edge of the bed, flipping my phone over tossing up what to do. I needed advice.
I dialled Ezra and held my breath. Logically, I knew I didn’t need to be afraid of speaking with him about this—he was bisexual himself—but my gut was swooping hard, equal parts nerves and excitement.
If we did this, if I managed to fix what was happening between Alec and Cara, I wasn’t going to stop there. Alec and I would happen too.
No pressure.
None at all.
Fuck me, what was I getting myself into?
“Hey, mate,” Ezra greeted, happiness bubbling through his voice.
“I need your help,” I blurted. Then I groaned. “Sorry, I’m freaking out.”
“What’s going on?” Ezra asked, always there for the people he loved.
I blew out a breath and opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.
After long moments of silence, Ezra asked, “It wouldn’t have anything to do with your sudden interest in ice hockey, would it?”
“I’ve always loved sport, you know that,” I protested weakly, not even knowing why I was denying it.
“You have,” he conceded and waited me out again.
It was infuriating, but I knew he wasn’t trying to annoy me. He was giving me the space to ask him what I needed to in my own time.
“I like Cara,” I started, and Ezra laughed. Flat out chuckled.
“That was obvious the other night, and she’s totally into you, too, in case you didn’t realize.” His voice was warm and encouraging, but also teasing. Him being relaxed about this lightened the weight on my chest. “But I’m more interested in what’s going on with Cara and Alec. And maybe you and Alec?”
“Alec likes her too.” I swallowed and let out a shuddery laugh. “I kind of like him as well.”
“As in….” Ezra laughed again and added, “Jesus, we’re talking like we’re twelve.”
“Might as well be for how I’m feeling at the moment,” I muttered, embarrassed that I had no idea how to make this work.
“Hey, listen,” he coaxed gently. “You know we’re one hundred percent behind you, don’t you? You aren’t going to cop any flack from us for being into a guy.”
I exhaled heavily. “I know you won’t hang any shit on me, but….”
“Are you struggling because he’s a guy? Or is it something else?” Ezra asked, encouraging me to open up to him.
I rubbed my forehead and shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. I didn’t so much have an issue with being into Alec. It was more how to tell him and fix what I’d potentially broken that was the problem.
“It’s…. Everything was great. We sort of fell into this groove where we were together, and it felt natural. Easy, too. It didn’t even occur to me that getting naked with Cara while Alec was there wasn’t exactly… conventional. I told Cara that she didn’t have to choose, and I stand by that. But then yesterday everything blew up—”
“Zali’s managed to take down most of the images. She’s yanking the stragglers from servers as we speak.”
“She is?” I asked, blown away by my daughter’s skills. I had no idea where she got her talent from—it certainly wasn’t from me—but I appreciated her so very much. The fact that she’d step in to do this for Cara and Alec meant the world to me. It wasn’t fair that Cara copped the vitriol from internet trolls. She didn’t deserve it—not when she was the ray of sunshine in both our days.
“Of course,” Ezra said as if he couldn’t believe I’d asked the question. “You and Cara are two of Zali’s favourite people. She’ll do whatever it takes to help you.”
“Just tell her to keep it legal,” I warned.
Ezra huffed out a laugh but didn’t reply and I took that as my cue to not ask any more questions. Sometimes not knowing what my daughter was up to was better for everyone involved.
“Yesterday morning, after we found out that the pics went viral, we had a fight. Alec said some things, and I misread the situation and blew up at him. Cara got upset and left. I followed her out, but she didn’t want to speak with me. I haven’t spoken with either one of them since, and I don’t think they’ve talked either.”
“But you want to speak to them?”
“Yeah. I do. I….” I blew out a breath and rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. The admission I was about to make felt big. Significant. “I don’t want it to be over. I’m crazy about Cara, and I know Alec is meant to be with us too.” I smiled, warmth bubbling up in my chest and making my insides tingly. That’s exactly what it was—Alec was ours. We were destined to be together.
I didn’t want to think about what would happen when he left. We were down to single-digit days now. The knowledge weighed heavily on me. But there was nothing I could do about it. If I focussed on that, I’d ruin the time we had left, or I could ignore it and make it future me’s problem.
“I never thought I’d fall for anyone again, Ez,” I admitted softly. “I thought Rosa was it for me. I thought she was my one and only chance. But it’s happened. I’ve fallen for both of them.”
I could hear the smile in Ezra’s voice when he said, “I’m happy for you, Roe.”
But there was a big hurdle between the now and where I wanted us to be. “I want us to get past this fight.”
“You will. Just be open and honest, mate. Ask the same of them.”
He said it like it was the simplest thing on earth. And maybe it was. I’d spoken with them about being open and communicating. Rosa and I had failed spectacularly on that account. If I’d known, if I’d listened… maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe I needed to follow my own advice.
Ezra added, “Respect each other’s feelings, but not at the expense of your own. They’re equally important. Don’t assume anything either. Talk it through.”
His words had mirrored mine from last week. It felt like such a long time ago that we’d had the conversation. Everything was moving so fast. It was as if I was a buoy that had come loose and was being carried along in the rapids.
But it was a hell of a ride, too, one that I didn’t want to end.
“If I’ve learned anything being with Zali and the boys, it’s that communication is the most important thing. Above everything else—even sex.”
“Yeah,” I agreed and cleared my throat. I knew he was in it for the long haul, but it was reassuring knowing how much he valued his relationship with my daughter and their boyfriends.
“What are you waiting for, then, Roe? Go get ’em,” Ezra encouraged, and I grinned, my belly swooping with excitement and anticipation. We needed to start communicating, and that’s what we’d do.
***
“Hey,” I greeted Cara as I slipped onto the team bus. We were catching a lift with the team to the arena, and there were people everywhere around us. But I needed to know whether she was okay. “How are you?”
“Okay.” Cara paused. She looked up and pressed her lips into a tight smile as Gauthier passed us in the aisle. Then she shook her head and sighed. Her shoulders slumped, and a frown tilted her lips down. “Angry. Upset. Confused. I don’t know what to think. Everything just imploded.”
“It’s not over yet, beautiful,” I murmured.
Alec chose that moment to walk past us. He paused, just for a millisecond, before he continued, but it was enough. He straightened his shoulders, and the smile that instantly tilted his lips up was blinding. He’d clearly noticed we were both wearing number 10 jerseys—his number.
Cara turned into me, shifting her body so she was sitting sideways on the seat. She leaned her head on the rest and I reached for her, threading my fingers through hers. “I’m going to fix this, Cara. We’re going to get Alec back.”
Her smile was slower to grace her lips than Alec’s had been, but when it did, it was breathtaking. She was breathtaking. Like sunshine emerging from behind a storm cloud, her smile lit up the room, and it took everything in me not to lean in and kiss that pretty mouth.
Then I reconsidered that decision. I hooked my finger under her chin and brushed my thumb over her lips. “Can I kiss you?” I whispered.
Cara closed the distance between us, pressing her lips to mine. I pulled back, then brushed my lips over hers again. It was the barest whisper of a kiss. Delicate and sweet like her. I sucked in a breath when Cara’s eyes fluttered closed and she leaned in again, touching her tongue against my lip. I opened for her, and she surged forward, tangling her tongue with mine. Warmth spread through me as she controlled our kiss. Her touch was no longer hesitant. She was no longer shy and fumbling, and I loved seeing her embrace this side of herself.