26. Monroe
twenty-six
Monroe
I slipped out of bed at the crack of dawn. The moment the sun crested the horizon, I was awake. Watching Cara and Alec sleep together, curled into each other had broken my heart. He was leaving, and we were going back to the Coast in a few hours.
I hadn’t been able to stay and watch them any longer. I was going out of my mind. I’d dressed and slipped out of Cara’s room, needing a few hours to get my head on straight. It was no longer a question of what I wanted. I knew without the shadow of a doubt. My problem was, how could I ask for it?
I couldn’t.
I couldn’t ask them to give up so much to be with me.
But I didn’t want to walk away from either of them, never mind both.
I was yo-yoing back and forth, wanting and knowing I couldn’t really have everything. I kept trying to talk myself into asking, and then I remembered that I couldn’t. And it was killing me.
But it was too late. I hadn’t said goodbye to Alec. I’d snuck out of Cara’s room like a thief in the night, and now he was already at the airport. He and the rest of the team were less than an hour away from leaving.
Cara and I weren’t on the same flight back to the Coast either.
My regrets were piling up, and I was suffocating under their weight.
I looked at my phone taunting me on the table and snatched it up. Before I could talk myself out of it, I dialled Ezra.
He answered on the second ring. “Hey, mate. How are you?”
It was a loaded question, one I must have taken too long to answer, because Ezra’s voice came through again. “Hello?”
“I’m here, mate.” I sighed, and it turned into a groan. I scrubbed my hand over my face and pinched the bridge of my nose.
The noise in the background quietened, and Ezra said, “Talk to me, Roe. I’m here.”
“I feel like I’m losing everything again. I want both of them. Why can’t I have them?” I rushed out, failing miserably to temper my disappointment.
“I don’t know, mate. Why can’t you?” I opened my mouth to respond, but Ezra kept talking. “It’s not the easiest relationship to manage with the distance involved, but it wouldn’t be impossible either.”
“What do you mean? Not impossible?” I asked. The whole concept was ridiculous. We literally lived on opposite sides of the world to one another. Having Alec part time would never be enough, not for him and definitely not for me. I didn’t want to love Cara on my own. I wanted him there too. I wanted both of us to make her happy, not just me. And I wanted Alec and I to make each other happy too.
“What did they say? Do they both want this too?”
“I….”
“Because seriously, man, you could make it work. But you need to talk to one another.”
Ezra went quiet after that, waiting for me to respond. But I had nothing. I hadn’t spoken with them. I’d just assumed it wouldn’t work and that they wouldn’t want this.
“I haven’t told them,” I admitted slowly, the truth hitting me like a freight train.
“Remember when I was struggling with my relationship?” Ezra asked, continuing without giving me a chance to speak. “Do you know what fixed it? Talking. Being honest with one another and the people who matter to us,” he said pointedly. “You need to talk to them.”
“He’s leaving the country in an hour.” My voice sounded panicked even to myself.
“You have an hour, then. Go and talk to him. Then talk to Cara.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Um—” I stood up, looking for my phone, room key, and wallet. I shoved two of the three in my pocket, but couldn’t find my phone. “Shit,” I grumbled.
“Roe,” Ezra called, snapping my attention back to him. “Hang up the phone and go get your man.”
I huffed out a laugh, realizing that I couldn’t find my phone because I’d been talking on it, and said, “Talk to you later. And Ezra? Thanks.”
“Anytime, mate.”
I ran to the lift and punched the button, my heart racing as I waited for the doors to open. I had my ride share app open and a car ordered before I hit the ground floor, and it was there a few minutes later. I slid into the front seat of the Tesla and groaned when I saw the dark red lines on most of the streets around us on the navigation screen.
I skipped the niceties and went straight to the only question I needed an answer to. “How long to the airport?”
“Sorry, man, there’s been an accident. We’re going to have to take the long way and it’s a fifty-minute trip.”
Shit, that wasn’t enough of a buffer. “I’ll give you an extra fifty dollars if you get me there in thirty.”
“Let’s see what we can do,” the driver, an older man with a keen eye and a bad combover, said with a smirk.
We took the circuitous route, heading around the outskirts of the city.
The minutes ticked by, the clock on the screen of the Tesla ticking higher with every intersection we sped through.
Signs whipped by us—the botanic gardens, Victoria Park, and King William Road—the same street the hotel was on. “Have you just done a giant loop?” I asked, frantically looking over my shoulder for a view of the city.
“We have, but the roads in the central business district are gridlocked. So I went around it. We either sit in there for forty minutes, then do the ten-minute trip to the airport, or we go around. It’s longer but quicker.”
Fuck. My. Life. I just wanted to get to the airport. Alec’s phone was off. I’d tried calling and messaging him, but I didn’t even have confirmation that my text had been delivered.
He turned onto the ANZAC Highway. I held on as he dodged between cars like he was on a racetrack. In and out, from one lane to the next, he flew down the road.
My heart was in my throat the whole ride. With every kilometre we travelled, I willed there to be a delay in takeoff, a problem with one of their passports, bad weather...
Anything to keep him here.
I should have told them. I should have confessed what I’d been feeling days ago. I never should have left Cara’s room that morning. Regret slammed into me, and I rubbed my chest, hissing at the sharp stab of pain.
Alec and Cara were my second chance. They were the light I hadn’t wanted to admit was missing from my life. They were who I’d been waiting for.
And I’d nearly ruined my chances.
I needed my head read. How could I have been so stupid?
“We’re about ten minutes away,” my driver warned.
“Okay, great. Good.” I exhaled and wiped my sweaty palms down my jeans. “Fuck,” I mumbled and balled my fists.
“We’ll get you there.” He met my gaze in the rearview mirror and flicked on his indicator, darting between two trucks and flooring it up the inside to get in front of a slower car. “So why the rush trip?”
“I fucked up,” I admitted, bluntly. “I met someone, and I nearly let them go without telling them—” I paused. No, I didn’t want to do this. If I was going to claim Alec, I wanted everything. “Him. I nearly let him leave without telling him that I want more.”
“So you’re doing the grand ‘I love you’ at the airport. That’s so romantic.” As far as coming out was concerned, it was definitely a gentle one. “You’d better have a speech prepared. Something that shows him he’s the only one for you.”
I huffed out a laugh. “I’m just winging it.” Then I smiled and added, “Actually, I’m going with honesty.”
We turned right, and the sign for the airport was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I finally took a proper breath when he followed the sign for the private terminal, and my heart settled into a less than frantic rhythm when he stopped the car.
We’d managed the trip in forty minutes.
He waved me off when I dropped the fifty into the cup holder, but I insisted, “Forty minutes is close enough. Thank you.”
“Good luck,” he yelled as I stumbled out of the barely stopped vehicle and slammed the door.
I sprinted to the doors, my heart in my throat.
Security stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
He smiled, but there was no warmth in it. “Good morning, sir. May I see your travel credentials, please.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for me while I yanked out the identification card the Seals had provided me and my driver’s licence. “Thank you. Head to the left. They’re about to board now.”
My heart crashed against my ribcage.
My legs turned to jelly.
The floor swallowed me up, slowing me to a crawl with every step I took.
I rounded the corner.
The team was lined up, walking through the doorway to the jet.
My breath caught. My lungs squeezed tight. I couldn’t see him.
No.
But I could still ask for him to disembark. I could still ask to speak with him for just a moment.
I had time. Didn’t I?
I skidded to a stop and scanned the men and women queued up to board. He wasn’t there.
I looked over at the recliner lounges. Not there either.
My hands shook. My pulse raced. My stomach revolted, the coffee I’d drunk that morning sitting in it like battery acid.
Frantic, I raced to the line.
There. He was there.
Alec sat alone. His back was bowed, elbows propped on his knees, and his head was hung low. His carry-on luggage sat by his feet.
He was a sight for sore eyes.
“Excuse me,” I mumbled as I pushed through the line.
When I reached him, I fell to my knees before him.
Alec flinched as I landed. But that was his only reaction. He didn’t look up. He didn’t unclasp his hands.
I reached for him, sliding my hands down his forearms to his wrists. I waited, hoping he would take my hands.
He didn’t.
I moved my hands lower, my fingers caressing his palms.
Alec looked up. His jaw was clenched tight, and his blue eyes were a flint grey, dark and stormy. But it was agony, not anger, in the lines around his mouth and the wetness on his eyelashes.
“I’m sorry. I fucked up. I convinced myself that what I wanted was impossible, but I didn’t even ask. And I didn’t say what needed saying.”
Alec swallowed and lifted his chin almost defiantly.
“I hurt you—again—and I can’t believe I nearly let you leave before I woke the fuck up.” I shook my head and sucked in a breath, kicking myself. Jesus fucking Christ. Relief slammed into me as I looked him over, gorgeous in his dark suit and tie.
“I don’t want this to be over. I came to say that. I’m in love with you, and I want you and Cara.”
Alec closed his eyes and lowered his face, slumping further in his seat. I reached for him, cupping his face, and he leaned forward, resting his forehead on my shoulder.
I undid the tie on his hair and ran my fingers through the silky strands, and Alec reached for me, tentatively touching my sides. I closed my eyes, breathing out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t said a word, but this was more than I could have hoped for.
“Please stay. Just for a little while longer,” I whispered.
Alec pulled back, lifting his face up to gaze into my eyes. I ran my thumbs over his cheeks and tugged him closer, brushing my lips over his. I deepened the kiss, tentatively touching my tongue to Alec’s. He reacted like he’d been shocked into life, hauling me into his arms and kissing me like a man possessed.
When we finally came up for air, Alec blinked open his eyes slowly. His cheeks flushed an adorable pink as he smiled at me. I traced my thumb over his cheek again and grinned back, feeling like I’d won the lottery a million times over. A giddy laugh bubbled up my throat.
Hands landed on our shoulders, and Alec startled. His body went rigid, every muscle tensing for a fight. I looked across at Gauthier and breathed a sigh of relief. He was grinning like the cat who got the cream.
“Good to see you two have worked things out.” He gestured over his shoulder to the rest of the team, who were gaping at us.
I swallowed and flicked my gaze back to Alec, hoping that I hadn’t completely fucked up. But all I saw in his eyes was relief.
Alec cleared his throat, but before he could say anything, Gauthier spoke again. “Why don’t you catch a later flight home? Stay for a while. I’ll take your luggage home with me.”
“You’d do that?” It was a simple question, but I knew it was much more than that. Alec stood up, and I followed, standing next to him as I waited for Gauthier to answer.
“Always, Hux.”
Alec grasped his hand and hauled him in for a back-slapping hug.
Hewitt bumped fists with Alec, and the rest of the team who’d stopped to watch what was happening followed, shaking Alec’s hand and saying goodbye to me.
When they were finally on the plane and Alec had assured the team officials that he’d make his own way home, he turned to me. Alec slipped his hand into mine and drew me close. “I didn’t want us to be over either. It’s stupid fast, but it’s real. I…. You and Cara are everything I’ve ever wanted. I love you too.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him close, grateful for Ezra making me see the light.
“Let’s go get our girl.”