Emery #3
It took a moment for me to meet his gaze, and when I did, I took in the deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes. His lips were parted like he was about to speak, but the words just weren’t coming. I raised my eyebrows expectantly.
“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled as he straightened and took a step back. He dropped his gaze to the floor and swept his suit coat back so he could shove his hands into his front pockets.
I took a moment to run my gaze over him. While I was nowhere near ready, he looked the part in his black suit over his black button-down shirt. His hair was more styled tonight than he’d ever done in the past. He’d kept his scruff but cleaned it up—which I appreciated. I liked facial hair on a man.
Wait. I blinked. I wasn’t supposed to be appraising Noah. I wasn’t supposed to be liking how he looked. This was all fake. Our relationship was fake.
I cleared my throat as I tightened my grip on my robe. “I’m just picking a dress,” I said, my voice softer than I’d anticipated. Must’ve been my anxiety about tonight. I was all out of sorts.
Noah met my gaze before he glanced down at my body and then snapped his gaze back up like he hadn’t meant to look. Interesting.
“Oh,” he said as he pulled his left hand from his pocket and scrubbed his face before pushing his fingers through his hair. He must not be used to having product in it, because the ends were now sticking straight up.
My mom instincts took over, and before I could stop myself, I tsked him and stepped forward. My hand was up and reaching out before I truly knew what I was doing.
“You messed it all up,” I whispered as my fingers found the bits of his hair that had become unruly. Just as I started to smooth them down, I did the idiotic thing and met his gaze.
His eyes were wide. I could feel the warmth of his body cascade over me as he stared at me. The world felt as if it were moving in slow motion as my brain started to register what I had just done. Panicked, I pulled my hand away and stepped back, murmuring a low, “Sorry,” as I went.
When I was back in the safety of my room, with a good three feet between us, I allowed myself to meet his gaze once more. He seemed frozen in place, and I feared I had broken him. I raised my hands. He needed to know that I hadn’t meant to do that.
“I’m so sorry,” I said and held his gaze so he knew that I meant it.
Noah cleared his throat and shook his head. “It’s okay,” he whispered as he offered me a weak smile.
“It’s just the mom in me, I guess.” I tapped my forehead. “Silly me.” Needing to focus on something else, I decided to change topics. “Can you help me with something?”
Noah raised his eyebrows. “What do you need?”
“I can’t pick a dress.” I gave him a sheepish smile. “I think I need an impartial party to decide.”
He frowned. “You want me to pick your dress?”
I stepped to the side as I nodded. “Yes, please.” I motioned toward my closet with my head. “You’d be doing me a huge favor.”
Noah followed my gesture with his gaze before he glanced back down at me. “I…um…”
I gave him an encouraging smile, to which he knitted his eyebrows together.
“Um, sure,” he said.
It took a few seconds for him to actually start moving. I slowly let out the breath I’d been holding as he stepped into my room and waited for me to lead him to my closet.
I showed him the dresses in question and then stepped back as he studied them.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood behind him, waiting for him to choose.
There was a moment there where I started to wonder if I’d made a mistake asking him to do this.
Especially, when he glanced back at me with an apologetic expression. I just smiled at him.
I needed him to pick for me. There was no way I could do it. He didn’t know the memory that each dress held, and I was going to drive myself mad if I had to choose.
“I guess, maybe…this one?” He took a step forward and pulled out the black satin dress that I’d worn to the hospital charity gala a few weeks before Carson’s death. It had been one of the last formal events we’d gone to together.
Tears formed in my eyes, but I fought them with all the strength I could muster. I wasn’t going to cry over this. I was going to be strong.
“That’s a great choice,” I whispered as I moved to pull it off its hanger.
Noah took a step toward the door. “Is that all?” he asked.
He was anxious to get out of my closet. I could feel the nervous energy he was putting off. So I just smiled and nodded.
“You can go,” I said.
He didn’t respond as he turned on his heel and headed straight for my bedroom door.
The sound of the latch engaging echoed in my empty room.
Now that I was alone, I held the dress up to my body as I inspected it in my full-length mirror.
I turned from side to side as the memory of Carson’s firm hand on my lower back and the confident way he led me around on the dance floor rushed through my mind.
A soft sob escaped my lips as I fought the tears that I knew would ruin my makeup.
It was only day one in this fake relationship, and I was already falling apart.
The next three years were going to be long.