Emery #3
I was enjoying the evolution of our relationship.
We’d gone from strangers to sisters, and I hadn’t realized how desperately I missed connecting with other humans.
Besides Timothy—and now Noah—I’d slipped into a world where no one else existed.
I didn’t go out with friends. My parents passed away in a car accident a year before Carson died.
I had no siblings, and my extended family never made any effort to reach out.
I didn’t realize how lonely I’d become until my relationship with Abigail began to grow. I missed having girlfriends. I missed having friendships where we looked out for each other. Where we cared about the other person.
I’d found that in Abigail, and I would be forever grateful that she’d forgiven me for what I did to her and Bash in the beginning of their relationship.
“So what’s on the docket today?”
Timothy was stirring, but I could tell that he was fighting actually waking up. I pulled back the comforter and slipped my feet to the floor, taking a moment to roll my shoulders and crack my neck.
Abigail rummaged around in her purse until she emerged triumphantly with a little notebook and pen.
“Flowers and cakes are first on the list,” she said after she flipped the cover open and tapped the paper with the end of her pen.
“Noah should get here around eleven. I texted him to meet us at Sweet Beginning’s Bakery so we can try the different cakes. ”
I was just about to stand when the mention of Noah’s name made me freeze.
Noah.
I hadn’t allowed myself to even think his name after I banned wedding talk. I purposely kept conversations focused on what Abigail and Bash were up to, their own wedding plans, and talked with Timothy about toys and dinosaurs.
I still wasn’t ready to process our kiss, even though two days had passed since it happened. The fact that he was going to be here, in the flesh, in just a few short hours had me panicking. It was taking all the strength I had not to crawl back under my covers and hide.
“You okay?” Abigail stood in front of me. Her eyebrows were knit together as she dipped down to study my face. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I blinked a few times in an effort to bring my thoughts to the present.
I was disappointed that this was my reaction to hearing Noah’s name.
He was going to be my husband for the next three years.
I needed to get over my reaction to him kissing me.
We were going to have to do it a few more times to make this wedding appear real.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah. Mm-hmm. I’m fine,” I managed out. From the lack of change in her expression, I could tell that Abigail did not believe me.
She narrowed her eyes. “Does this have to do with that kiss?”
I deadpanned. She knew about that? How did she know about that?
She sighed. “It was all over social media. I even saw it in the tabloids when I stopped by Godwin’s yesterday to get milk.” She snorted. “You look petrified in the picture.” Her body became rigid as she closed her eyes and pursed her lips.
“Hey,” I said as I knitted my eyebrows together. “Charles cornered me into doing it. I didn’t want to.”
Abigail raised her eyebrows. “Emery.” She dragged out my name like a mother scolding her child. “You didn’t want to kiss Noah?” I shook my head. “Noah?” she asked again.
My face fell as memories of Carson flooded my mind. No matter how faded they were, they always managed to cause my emotions to rise up in my throat and choke me. I dropped my gaze, unable to look at her anymore.
“Oh.” Abigail’s voice had softened, and a few seconds later, the mattress next to me shifted as she sat down. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me close. “I’m so sorry.”
I sniffled and dabbed under my eyes. There was no way I was going to let myself cry. It made me feel weak, and I was tired of feeling weak. “I’m such a dork,” I said after I blew out my breath and tipped my head back, closing my eyes as I tried to calm the storm brewing inside of me.
“You’re not a dork.”
I glanced over at Abigail. I brought my hand up and drew a circle around my face. “You’re saying having this reaction doesn’t make me a dork?” I dropped my hand, and my shoulders slumped. Why was this such a struggle for me?
“Emery, you lost the love of your life. Of course you’re going to struggle. You’re human.”
I closed my eyes again before I glanced over at her. “I’m tired of struggling.”
I wanted to move forward. Not move on. Carson was my past, and I knew the last thing he would want was for me to drag him into my future. He’d said it in the note. He wanted me to find love and happiness again. Right now, I was the furthest from happy, and I feared I would never get back there.
I could feel Abigail shrug next to me. “Maybe Noah can help you with that.”
I paused before I glanced over at her. “What do you mean?”
“You’re struggling with intimacy. See if he can help you.
” She must have noticed my skeptical look because she hurried to add.
“Desensitize you. Like on Fear Factor. Throw you into a box with snakes—except for you, the snakes would be men.” Her voice trailed off as she realized what she’d said. “What I’m trying to say—”
“I get what you’re saying.” I glanced over at her and smiled. “I’ll think about it.”
She studied me for a minute before she nodded. “Good.” Then she patted my knee. “Now, get ready so we can get a-planning.”