Noah
I was in hell.
It was a torturous, painful, yet exhilarating hell.
Being with Emery reminded me of what I wanted so badly, but could never have. Being with her filled me with dread and pure bliss at the same time, yet I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
The juxtaposition of the emotions currently coursing through me was enough to drive a man crazy.
If I was smart, I would lock my heart right now.
I would pretend that everything that I’d felt up until this point was asinine and I would force my body to forget the feeling of her hands on my body or her lips pressed to mine.
But I wasn’t smart. I was a glutton for punishment which was why I didn’t pull back when she fell into my arms. It was why I held on a second longer than I should have. It was why I couldn’t drop my gaze as I watched her adjust her dress after she pulled back.
I’d never seen a woman more beautiful or perfect in my entire life. She was a painting. A work of art that I was born to spend my entire life admiring.
“I should probably get out of this,” she said as she gave me a weak smile and motioned toward her dress. She reached up and removed the veil and clip that had been holding her hair back and then set them on the pedestal that she’d just vacated.
I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to respond. When she straightened, she lifted her skirt and started walking toward one of the dressing room doors along the far wall. Just as she got to me, she paused and glanced over. I moved to the side in case I was standing in her way.
“Abigail helped me zip up the dress,” she whispered.
I raised my eyebrows. “Oh.” I frowned. “Do you want me to get her?”
Emery dropped her gaze to my chest before she slowly brought it up. She was chewing on her lower lip as she studied me.
“I mean, you could grab Abigail. Or…you could help me.”
Her words caused my heart to gallop in my chest. “Oh.” I paused. I knew I should say no. I knew I should offer to find her someone to help, but I honestly didn’t care about what I should do.
I wanted to touch her. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted to be her person so bad, it blinded me to what I should do. “If you want me to, I can help.”
She hesitated before she met my gaze. “I want you to.”
I tried to not let her words affect me. I was just her friend, helping her out. She wasn’t asking me to be anything more than that and I needed to stop reading into her statements like they were a confession when they weren’t.
“Then I’ll help,” I said with a smile as I took a step closer to her.
I let her lead the way to the dressing room. Once she was inside, I kept to the doorway, waiting for an invitation. She was standing in the center of the room with her back to me. A few seconds passed before she glanced over her shoulder.
“I’m ready,” she whispered.
I dipped my head as I walked into the room to join her. My heart hammered harder the closer I got. Once I’d cleared the door, I shut it. I took a deep breath before I turned back around. She’d gathered all of her hair to one shoulder, exposing her neck.
My entire body warmed as I studied her soft skin. The hollows and curves of her body were going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Hell, Emery was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
I forced my mind to focus as I reached up and grasped the zipper at the top of her dress. My finger tips brushed her warm skin, sending electric shockwaves up my arm. I steeled my nerves as I grabbed the zipper tab with my other hand before I slowly pulled it down.
I wasn’t sure how far she wanted me to go. The sight of her lacy bra as it became exposed almost took me out. There was no way I wanted to test my strength when it came to seeing any part of her underwear.
“Is that good?” I asked when the zipper was halfway down.
I was on fire. Emotions and desire were coursing through me, making it hard to form any coherent thought.
Emery had her left arm wrapped around her front, holding up her dress. She glanced over her shoulder to her back and then up at me, pinning me with her gaze as she studied me.
“I think that’s good,” she said as she reached her right arm back and felt for the zipper tag.
After a few attempts to grab it, I reached out, my fingers brushing hers.
“Let me,” I growled, my ability to mask my feelings had slipped.
This may be too much for me right now, but she obviously needed my help so I would be there for her if it killed me. With the zipper tab firmly pinched between my thumb and forefinger, I slid it all the way down. I closed my eyes when I caught sight of the top of her lacy black underwear.
Seeing that article of clothing mixed with the memory of her straddling me last night was akin to torture. I wanted nothing more than to make Emery mine. To pull her into my arms and kiss her for real. To see her wearing my ring because she wanted to be mine.
I wanted Emery.
“Thanks.”
Emery’s soft voice caused my eyes to fly open.
I glanced down to see her staring up at me from over her shoulder.
She looked so vulnerable, standing there with her dress unzipped, her hair pulled to one side, and her eyes wide.
My chest swelled with the desire to protect her. To never let her out of my sight.
To love her like she deserved.
“Of course,” I said as I took a step back but the room was so small that all I did was bump into the door behind me. Needing something to do with my nervous energy, I pushed my hand through my hair as I blew out my breath.
“I think I can handle it from here.”
Heat warmed my cheeks as I nodded. I’d overstayed my welcome.
“I’ll leave you to it.” I turned and grabbed a hold of the door handle. Just as I slipped out, I did the stupid thing and glanced back to get one last look of her.
The image in front of me would forever be burned onto my brain. She’d turned so she was facing me now. She looked so angelic, standing there in her white dress with her hair cascading down in front of her. Her eyes were wide and her expression unreadable as she studied me.
I couldn’t help myself. I held her gaze a moment longer than I should have.
I wanted her to understand what she was doing to me.
I wanted to her feel how I felt about her.
I wanted her to know that I was going to live my life, loving her.
Three years was never going to be enough time. I wanted her. All of her. Forever.
But…she wasn’t mine.
I needed to get my head out of the clouds and return to Earth.
This was all fake to her. I was just her bodyguard turned fake fiancé and someday, she was going to find her knight in shining armor and ride off to her happily ever after.
I would be left alone, happy that she was happy, but broken that she was no longer mine.
“I’ll be waiting out here,” I said and then slipped out of the room. The sound of the handle engaging marked my departure.
I couldn’t sit but I also couldn’t just stand there, so I settled on pacing in front of the dressing room.
The shop owner walked by a few times with her eyebrows knitted together, but she never said anything.
I could tell that she wanted to figure out who I was, but I had no interest in divulging the details of our relationship so I just nodded in her direction.
She smiled, and when I didn’t speak, she hurried away.
It felt like an eternity, but in actuality, it was only a few minutes before the dressing room door opened and Emery appeared.
Her cheeks were flushed and she looked so damn beautiful.
She’d returned the wedding dress to the hanger and was currently holding her arm above her head so it wouldn’t drag on the ground.
I was grateful for the task of taking the dress from her. It was a welcomed distraction that I was in desperate need of. I could get lost in watching her. She was equal parts beauty and grace. I was consumed with each movement, smile, and look in her eyes.
She was everything I’d ever wanted in a woman.
She was perfection.
“Are you getting this?” I asked as I waited for her to pass by me before I followed after her.
My question must have startled her, because she paused and looked over her shoulder with wide eyes.
“Do you not like it?”
I frowned, her question confusing me. “What? No.” Her expression fell and I scrambled to fix my words.
“What I meant was, no, that’s not why I asked the question, I was just wondering if you liked the dress because…
” I blew out my breath when I realized that my explanation was not landing.
“I loved it. I think you looked beautiful.”
She looked startled, causing my heart to hammer in my chest. In my attempt to explain myself, I may have overcorrected. Realizing that I wasn’t going to save this, I slammed my lips shut and studied her, hoping she understood my meaning and we could move on.
It took a second for a soft smile to tease her lips. Her cheeks hinted pink as she glanced up at me with a shy expression. “I thought it was great, too,” she said as she turned and began to walk to the register.
Nancy, the shop owner, gushed over Emery’s choice as she rung her up. When the total was calculated, I moved to pull my wallet from my pocket, but Emery just waved me away.
“I’ve got this,” she said.
It took all of my strength not to fight her. I wanted to buy her the dress. I wanted to pay for her lifestyle. I wanted to take care of her. In my mind, that was what a man did. It was my responsibility. But Emery didn’t seem to notice my internal battle as she handed her card over.
I stayed behind her as I waited for Nancy to finish the transaction and hand Emery her card back. I resolved myself to find a way to sneak her some money to cover the dress and the wedding before the three years were up.