Chapter 4
NINA
“Explain yourself, Ms. Porter.”
The two men from hospital management barely looked up when I entered the room.
One gestures vaguely to the seat across the table from them, so I sit down. I’ve never seen either of them on the hospital floor, though they’re technically in charge of everyone in the building.
“I have a child. Ava. She’s four years old. Last week, she was sick and I had to call in a missed shift at the last minute. I know it’s tough on everyone at the hospital when that happens.”
I try to speak slowly and not stumble over my words, but it’s tough. My mind is racing around like a poorly-maintained rollercoaster.
This residency is everything to me.
If I lose it, there aren’t going to be places for another cycle. It would take a year to find another hospital in this city willing to accept a resident with a half-completed placement, at least. And there would be serious questions about how I got let go from Middlefield.
I don’t know how I’d continue to work unless I went back to a dodgy nightclub and scraping coins together to make ends meet.
I take a deep breath and put on my best brave face, trying to look like the kind of professional resident who should have a job here.
Instead of the girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing half the time, rushing around to keep up with the pace of the overwhelmed and understaffed emergency department.
“I’m really sorry, and it shouldn’t happen again. I’m lucky to have a neighbor who takes care of her a lot of the time, which is wonderful, but I can’t always call in favors. Especially not when Ava is puking everywhere and the clean-up job is a lot of work. Even worse than a night in our ED.”
It’s my best attempt at a joke, given the circumstances, but the gray-haired men across the table from me are impassive. They frown down at the papers covering the desk.
The one on the left — Kent, the hospital’s HR manager — pushes his glasses up his nose. “But surely, Ms. Porter, you have family in town? Someone who could look after your daughter when you are required at work?”
“Well, no, I don’t,” I reply slowly.
“No one? Your husband could surely take time off work if the situation is as urgent as you made it sound.” The other man, the general manager Larry, sounds incredulous.
I try to keep the acid out of my voice, though I want to scream.
“I’m not married.” I grit my teeth. “My family are in Missouri. And I’m not in contact with them.”
Even if I was, like hell would they look after my child.
I’m the one who got myself knocked up, as my father said when I explained the situation.
The manager sighs and steeples his hands on the desk in front of him, peering over his glasses as though he’s deeply disappointed in me.
“Ms. Porter. This is an old and prestigious hospital. We don’t hold with this modern, flexible working nonsense. We will not make accommodations and put pressure on other staff in order to cater to the lifestyles of individual employees.”
Next to him, Kent nods his agreement, rolling his eyes as though the idea that doctors should be allowed to also have families is personally ridiculous to him.
I take a deep breath, but my hands bundle into fists beneath the table.
“This is a team environment and everyone has to do their part to keep the team functioning. You made a commitment to Middlefield Hospital and its traditional workplace values when you accepted the residency here. Please respect that commitment by showing up for work on time.”
Kent nods gravely. “Well said, Mr. Lewis. And I’m led to believe that you are seeking our substance abuse fellowship on the conclusion of your residency, Ms. Porter?”
“That’s right.”
I wonder if they can hear the way my words shake with anger.
“Then you know exactly how bad reports of tardiness will look on your resume, when you start applying for competitive residencies. Unless you get your time management under control, Ms Porter, I seriously doubt that our hospital will be able to offer you work in future.”
I will not cry in front of these men. I will not. I will not…
Oh, fuck it, my eyes start leaking anyway.
Lily offered to come to the meeting as my support person but I turned her down. She’s been working early morning shifts and I didn’t want her to stay late for me.
Still, in this moment, I wish she was here and I could squeeze her hand.
“Don’t let it happen again, Ms. Porter.”
“Right. Yeah. I won’t.” I wipe the tears away, slipping out the door before they offer me the chance to shake their hand or anything. I’m not in the mood to pretend that was a civil meeting, or that I’m grateful for their time.
I’m not.
I’m furious that they don’t seem to understand that the unexpected happens, and I deal with it as best as I can given my living circumstances.
I rush to the bathroom so I can sob in peace, but I’m intercepted on the way by Daniel, a nurse at the hospital who’s become the closest thing after Lily that I have to a friend here.
“Have you been crying, Nina? What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “I’m fine, thanks.” I know he means well, but I just want to be left alone to deal with this.
He raises an eyebrow. “Not to offend you, but it’s pretty obvious you have. Your eyes are super red and watery.” He lowers his voice. “Is this about the meeting?”
I feel a surge of panic that everyone knows why I’m in trouble.
“You shouldn’t even know about that.”
“You know how gossip gets around in this place.” He places a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to be comforting, but all I want is to curl up into a ball in the bathroom stall and scream into my hands.
“Crystal went through the same thing when her kids were toddlers and they were absolute assholes about it. Not an ounce of sympathy. We developed a special shift cover system just so she wouldn’t get in trouble again.
” He pauses. “I guess it’s harder when there are only a few residents per hospital and you all work different shifts. ”
“Our shift schedules are rough.”
He pats my shoulder. “You’ll get through it. But maybe, since we happen to be on a shift that ends at a normal time tonight, we can head for a drink after work? You invite Lily and I’ll handle the rest.”