Chapter 12
MILES
The old mountaintop fire lookout is more run-down than I remember, its wooden siding visibly weathered, even in the dark.
The stairs to the top of the two-story tower creak a little under our weight, but any concern about safety is immediately replaced by the sight of Caroline climbing the stairs just ahead of me.
I could bite those calves. Lick behind her knee, up to her…
Jesus. Get a grip, Miles.
She glances over her shoulder at me. “So, what is this, like a make-out spot for teenagers?”
“Kinda, actually,” I say, impressed she caught on so quickly. Mount Makott was known as Mount Make Out when I was in high school. “But that’s not why I brought you here, I swear.” It’s not a lie, exactly—more of a massaging of the truth.
She stops when we reach the top and peers inside. While these old living quarters used to have doors, they’ve been long since removed. The space is open to the public now, maintained by the parks department like a mini museum on stilts.
We cross the room to the expansive windows overlooking the town, and Caroline’s jaw drops as she takes in the view—the entirety of Lennox Valley spread out before us like a glowing tapestry. “This is…” She trails off, momentarily at a loss for words. “Gorgeous.”
“I know.” I take a moment to watch her in profile under the dim utility light—the gentle slope of her slightly upturned nose and the absentminded way she touches her neck. “So fucking gorgeous.”
She tears her eyes away from the view to look at me. “This is where you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah.” I shove my hands in my pockets, letting a small smirk pull at my lips. “About that list of yours.”
She scrunches her nose and scans the room again, taking in the wooden pallet where a mattress used to rest, the tiny and practical kitchen, the bare cupboards without any doors, and the circular fire finder map mounted on a table in the center of the room.
The place used to house whatever the forestry version of a lighthouse keeper is, I guess.
When she’s quiet for long enough that I start to doubt myself, I break the silence. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t wanna.”
“It’s not that.” Caroline turns back to me. “It’s just… I don’t really know what to say.”
“Well, you said you wanna try things.” I cross my arms. “You got anything specific in mind?” I won’t push her, but I get the sense she wants to open up. Maybe she doesn’t know how.
She opens her mouth, then shuts it and lets out a long cringe-groan, like after I caught her peeking at me changing. She shakes out her hands like she can physically shake off the feeling. “This is so awkward, Miles!”
I laugh.
Embarrassed Caroline is fucking cute.
“Should I guess?” I ask.
“No!”
“Is it butt stuff?”
“Miles!” She drops her face into her palms.
“It’s butt stuff, isn’t it?”
“No-o-o-o-ooooo!” she whine-laughs, letting her arms fall. “It’s not butt stuff!”
“Hey.” Grinning, I step closer and tilt her chin up until she meets my eyes. “I’m just messing with you.”
She gives me a look. “Okay, here’s the thing: I don’t actually know. I mean, sex has always been… fine for me.”
“Fine?” I draw back a bit.
She throws her hands out at her sides. “Yes. Fine!”
I stare at her in horror.
“What?” She stares right back. “What’s wrong with fine?”
I can’t quite believe what I’m hearing. “Shit, Fletcher is a bigger dickhead than I thought.” That asshole had this stunning woman in his life and never gave her anything better than fine?
Never gave her the pleasure she deserves?
And, to make matters worse, she doesn’t even seem to know what she’s been missing.
Now I really wish I’d punched him.
I groan and run a hand down my face, enraged by the injustice of it for her. “You can’t just carry on like this. Not knowing.”
“Not knowing what?”
“How good it can be!” I drop my shoulders. “Caroline, fine is for boring shit like traffic and the weather. But sex? Sex should be… fucking amazing. Incredible. So good you think you might die sometimes.”
“Yeah, well…” She turns away and picks at the chipped paint on the windowsill. “Not for me, I guess.”
“Not yet.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not likely to change anytime soon.” When she finally looks at me again, her expression is cautious.
“I could help you.”
“What?” Her eyes widen. Appropriately. Because…
What in the impulsive sex blurt did I just offer?
“No, Miles, you’re already helping me plenty. I’m not gonna ask you to—”
“Well, we’re already hanging out together.”
Cool, yeah, I guess I’m doubling down on this.
“And I don’t need pity sex.”
“Oh my God. Whoa.” I hold out my hands. “That’s not what I was offering.
” When she doesn’t look convinced, I step closer and reach for her cheek, brushing my thumb over her soft skin.
“Hey. I don’t pity you. I think you’re fucking beautiful.
And sexy. If that kiss was anything to go by…
I think it could be amazing between us.”
“Yeah?” Her eyes slip to my mouth.
“Yeah,” I say, shoving aside the awareness that I offered this a bit impulsively.
That I might have just cranked up the intensity on our already-complicated situation.
I scramble for logic. “I mean, we might as well have some fun while we’re pretending to date, right?
And God, Caroline. You need to know what you’ve been missing.
It’s a fucking crime that you’ve never felt…
” I trail off, distracted by thoughts of everything I want her to feel.
To experience. How much I’d love to help her discover that side of herself.
To be the one to experience it all with her, if she wants me to.
“Look. You’ve been putting yourself aside for a long-ass time, right? ”
“Yeah…”
“Isn’t it time you did something that makes you feel good?”
She tilts her head. “And that something should be you?”
I huff out a laugh. “I, uh— well, that wasn’t exactly where I was going, but, uh, yes?” When she rolls her eyes, it only encourages me. “I meant like, making sure you come first.” I hear myself say it and wince. “Putting yourself first! But I’d make sure you came first, obviously—”
“Miles?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop talking.”
“Yup.” I’m trying not to grin like a fool here.
A few beats pass as she considers me. When she speaks, her voice is quiet. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“That kiss. Last weekend?” She bites her lip. “I kinda can’t stop thinking about it.”
Her confession releases something in my chest. The truth is, she isn’t the only one who hasn’t been able to forget it. “Me neither.”
“I know we got sort of carried away.” She looks up at me, almost shy. “But I’ve never been kissed like that before.”
Another fucking crime.
“It was a good kiss,” I say.
“So good.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
“Can I tell you something?” I close the space between us.
“What?” Her shallow breaths mingle with mine, only drawing me closer.
“If you thought that kiss was good…” I dip down to brush my lips over hers and her eyelids flutter shut. “You should know…” I nip her full bottom lip, tugging gently until she whimpers and it pops from between my teeth. “I fuck like I kiss.”
Right as she lifts to kiss me, I step back, failing to fight off a smile at the way she has to catch herself before she topples forward.
Wide eyes snap to mine. “That was so unfair!”
With a smirk, I tuck my hands into my pockets again, discreetly adjusting myself in the process. “You still haven’t told me what you wanna try.”
“What?” She still looks a little disoriented and it’s fucking adorable. “Miles, this is bonkers.”
Bonkers?
I’m completely failing to keep a straight face here. Mildly spicy tacos might have taken her out, but it’s gonna be those cute fucking words that’ll be the death of me.
“It’s not bonkers!” I say.
It might actually be bonkers.
“I can’t—” she blurts out. “We can’t!”
I shrug. “Why not?”
Her shoulders drop. “We’ve known each other less than two weeks, I’ve roped you into this weird fake dating scheme with the press watching us, and now you wanna hop into bed together? This whole situation is wild, Miles!”
“So lean into it!” I throw my arms out wide. “Be wild! Hell, you said you wanted to find out what you like and try stuff, right? Break out of your shell?” I pump my eyebrows. “Maybe scream a bit?”
A crack forms in her composure. “Okay, yes, but—”
“How else are you gonna figure that shit out?” I reach out to squeeze her fingertips. “You won’t know what you like until you try it. All I’m offering is a chance to try.”
She contemplates me for a beat. “Alright. If we did this together,” she starts, then holds up a finger when I grin, “how would it… Like, how would it work?”
“Well, it’s not like I’ve done this before, either, but…
” I think for a moment. “I guess, you gotta figure out what’s on your sex list. Our sex list.” I tilt my head, reconsidering my choice of words.
“Or… our to-do list? Do-you list?” I make a dismissive face.
“We’ll workshop the name. But c’mon. You gonna tell me what I just signed up for? ”
“Miles, I can’t— I feel too on the spot, like if you want me to rattle off a list face-to-face like this—”
“You want me to turn around, or…?” I can’t help myself; winding her up is too much fun.
“Stop!” she says through laughter. “I think I need some time to think about it. Maybe write it down?”
“Sure. Of course.” I shrug, pretending I won’t be obsessing about this thing until I see it. “Take as long as you need.”
“Okay. And then, when you read it, I’ll just quietly die of shame in the corner or something.”
I reach out to give her fingers a quick squeeze. “Hey, you don’t need to be embarrassed with me. I’ve got an open mind. Whatever makes you feel good, I’m game.”
“But what if you aren’t? What if you don’t want to? Like, what if—” She balls her hands into fists, obviously a bit anxious about this idea.