Chapter Three
Aislin
I quickly swipe at the tears in my eyes as I listen for the sound of the door closing behind me.
The click sounds so final, like a warning that’s loud and clear in my head.
I’m fucking this up. I’m screwing up the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t know if it’s selfish to want to stay with her.
So, I go to the one place I always go when I need someone. Tiernan.
He and Dean are in the kitchen when I arrive at their house—Dean shirtless with marks all over his neck and chest from my brother’s mouth.
“Oh my God. You guys are so gross.” I plop into the kitchen chair.
“Your girl doesn’t do that to you?” Dean asks.
“What’s wrong?” Tiernan cuts in, immediately sensing my mood.
He’s good at that, not only with me but with everyone in our family.
Tiernan knows us better than people realize, knows our moods, and also feels like it’s his responsibility to take care of us all.
I hate that he carries that much pressure, but one of my favorite things about him is that it’s something he will always bear…
because he loves us. Tiernan might not be as emotional—he might not show his love in physical ways or even verbally as much—but there is no one better to have in your corner.
My gaze flicks to Dean. It’s not that I don’t love him or trust him, because I do. Dean has become my best friend, if I’m being honest—he and Ollie both have, but sometimes, a girl just needs her brother.
“I’ll cook,” Dean says.
“Let’s go upstairs,” Tiernan tells me.
I stand, and he leads the way, going straight to the room they have for me here, even though I stay in the dorms. When I came to Ashford, I really wanted my freedom.
I love my family and always want to be close to them, but I haven’t been lucky enough to do much on my own.
I think I needed to prove that I could, that there is an Aislin outside of being an O’Shea.
And while I love my independence, when push comes to shove, I need my family, too.
The second we’re in the room, door closed behind us, Tiernan asks, “Zuri?”
I sigh. “Yes. How did you know?”
“Because everyone I care about is multiplying—each person is suddenly becoming two, and you’ve been spending so much time with her, I had a feeling this would be coming soon.”
“I never want her to be hurt because she’s with me.”
“That’s impossible to guarantee.”
I groan, then fall onto the bed. “Ugh. You’re not helping.”
Tiernan sighs, then walks over and sits beside me. “It’s not possible in any relationship, but it’s a risk that will always be more prevalent when someone is with one of us. There is no changing that, Ash. You know it as well as I do. You’re too smart to pretend otherwise.”
He’s right. I am. I just wish he had a different answer for me so that I could lie to myself and pretend it’s true.
“What does she say?” he asks, and for the first time, I’m actually embarrassed.
“I haven’t talked to her about it. I haven’t even told her about us…not everything. I haven’t confirmed anything, I mean.”
“Do you love her?” T asks. I think about my conversation with Rory in the kitchen at my mom’s house in Boston.
“Yes,” I admit for the second time.
“Do you trust her?” he asks next.
“Yes. She wouldn’t betray us, if that’s what you mean.”
“So, what is this really about?”
I turn and frown at him.
“Again, you’re smart, Ash. This is more than you’re admitting it is. Yes, you’re worried about her safety, that will always be a concern, but what else is it?”
I flop back onto the bed, my back against the mattress, legs hanging over the side.
What else is it? Tiernan knows what he’s talking about.
If he says there’s more to it than I’m admitting, I don’t doubt that he’s right.
What else would I have to be afraid of, other than just worrying about Zuri’s safety?
Tiernan lies beside me in the same position I’m in.
“What would you tell Cil if he wanted to end things with Ollie because of his safety?” I know the reason he’s only asking about Ollie and not Dean or Shai is that they both crave this lifestyle, too.
They crave it in a way Ollie doesn’t, in a way Zuri and I don’t… Well, I don’t completely.
“To fuck off and quit being a dumbass,” I reply.
“So, fuck off and quit being a dumbass,” he echoes. “And look at why you’re really scared.”
I’m scared that I won’t be reason enough to stay…that she’ll walk away, that I’m not worthy of her because of who we are.
Well, shit. That’s a terrible realization. I wonder how I didn’t see it before.
“Fuck,” I say.
“I thought so,” Tiernan answers.
“You’re such an asshole,” I tease my brother before cuddling close. He wraps an arm around me, my head resting on his shoulder.
“If you leave us behind, I’ll understand.” His voice is so soft, so full of emotion that it nearly steals my breath. “I want you close. I always want you close, but I want what’s best for you even more. We’ll watch you and Zuri from a distance and make sure everything is okay.”
Tears fill my eyes. I try not to let them spill over, but it doesn’t work. I sniffle, and Tiernan reaches over and wipes my cheek.
“It’s hard because there’s a part of me that knows I shouldn’t want this. And I don’t, not in the same way you or Cil or Rory do, but it’s in my blood, too.”
“Yes.” He nods. “But you still have a choice in ways I didn’t, in ways most of us didn’t, because you always have Mom and me. We will always do what’s best for you, Ash.”
And they will. Just like how my mother killed my father for Tiernan and Dean—she and T will do whatever it takes for me to have whatever kind of life I want.
I can leave this behind, get a new identity, and know that Zuri and I will always be safe.
That’s mostly because of Tiernan. That even if our father were alive, he would find a way to give me this.
“I’ll do whatever she wants,” I finally answer after an unknown amount of time passes.
“I know you will, and that’s one of the many differences between you and our father. He would have never done that for Mom. Cil would do it for Ollie. Rory would do it for Shai.”
“And you for Dean,” I say, because he never will. As much pressure as Tiernan puts on himself for the rest of us, if he had to give it all up for Dean, he would…and I want that for him.
“That’s because I’m a really great boyfriend,” he replies, making me laugh before we both sober again. “Talk to her. Tell her whatever you need to. I trust your judgment more than anyone I know. You believe in her, and I believe in you.”
I sit up, and T does the same. He groans when I pull him into my arms, holding him tightly. “You’re an even better brother,” I tell him. “I love you, Tiernan.”
“I love you, too,” he says.
“Now, can we go downstairs and eat, please?”
I laugh. “Yeah, I’m starving.”
He and I go back to the kitchen, where the three of us have a late breakfast together.
I know Zuri’s school schedule by heart, which is why I was waiting for her this morning, and when I know she’s home for the day and should be finished with her homework, something she always does immediately after class, I text her.
Me: Can I come over?
Zuri: Sure.
I’m going to get my girl back and prove to her I’m worth it.