Chapter 14 - Cat
Cat
That smile… That wide-open yet fragile smile… it will be my undoing. There is nothing more beautiful than the way she beams up at me right now. If it weren’t for her fingers pressing gently against my wrist, I might just float away. Oh, Maria. My Maria now.
The thought hits me all at once, setting my whole body on fire.
The sensation spreads from my limbs into my chest, then sinks into my stomach, widening as it goes.
I stagger forward at the intensity of it and dig my fingers into her hip to steady myself.
The air leaves my lungs in rapid bursts while my eyes burn.
“Wow, indeed.”
I don’t know how I manage those words or how I make them sound so steady.
Everything around me seems to be moving at the speed of light.
Everything except for her. Mary stands there, her gleaming eyes a beacon in my darkness, calling to me.
I can no longer deny that. Deny her. Her gravity is too strong, and now I am orbiting her.
One kiss, and everything shifted. And all I want is to do it again. Dios, this is going to ruin me.
I can’t get enough of her beautiful face, and I let my eyes roam over her again. Her lips are slightly swollen, her pupils dilated, and her cheeks flushed. But what really catches my attention is how quiet she suddenly feels. Calm, almost.
“Are you okay?”
Mary nods slightly while huffing out the softest laugh through her nose.
She takes a single step, and I instantly feel the radiating warmth from her body wash over me like a soft blanket.
Her hand comes up to my chest, resting against my sternum.
Her fingers spread out and brush my collarbone.
She tilts her head as she looks at me, silently asking, and my lips instantly curl up.
I wrap my arms around her and press our foreheads together. That quiet suddenly makes sense.
After what could be hours or only seconds, Mary breaks the silence by leaning away slightly and smiling. I blink at the loss of her warmth, but my lips curl up in answer regardless.
“Tea or coffee?”
Her voice is deeper than usual, and she licks her lips as she watches me. That subtle flick of her tongue instantly sends a hot flare to my loins. Behave, Cat! I swallow and pull my arms back while I nod.
“Yes, please.”
Her soft smile turns into an amused grin, and her eyebrows shoot up. Her blue eyes gleam with sudden mischief. My stomach suddenly drops as if I am on a roller coaster, and I brace for what is to come.
“Both, then? Ambitious. Go figure.”
“Huh?”
I squeeze my eyes closed and let out a soft groan as I realize what just happened. I shake my head and look back up at her. She really is a little witch, una bruja, holding me captive with her spell.
“Coffee, please. If it’s not too much trouble.”
“Why would I ask if it were?”
She flashes me that obnoxious grin of hers before turning toward the counter.
I take a deep breath and fight the urge to twist her back around.
What have I gotten myself into? This woman knows how to push every single one of my buttons and enjoys doing so.
Why am I taking it? How is it that she gets away with it?
Gosh, Carmen will have a field day if she finds out.
The thought of my best friend hurls me back into reality. My gut tightens, and I take in a shaky breath. Mary instantly twists around, her eyes on me. They are wide with worry, and she is already moving toward me. I push down the tight squeeze of panic, and I find myself exhaling again.
“What’s wrong?”
Her eyes scan my face for any trace of what is happening. I close my eyes and shake my head. No. I am not going to do this again. Not with her. The thought of losing her again…
“I don’t want to hide you.”
She frowns at me, cocking her head slightly as if I were some sort of apex predator.
“Okay,” she says hesitantly.
“My whole life is centered on my career. Every choice I make, I make to serve my future as a trauma surgeon. I am ambitious, driven—”
“Calculated?”
Her question startles me, and I lift my chin slightly in defiance. She isn’t wrong. Not really. But to hear it from her lips almost makes it obscene. I open my mouth to deflect but stop when I see her frown. ?Joder! If I can’t be open with her now, what chance do we have?
“Yes.”
She nods once, pursing her lips in thought.
“I don’t want to be. Not when it comes to you.”
“Meaning?” she asks quietly, her eyes holding mine.
“Meaning that I want to hold your hand, take you out to dinner, and smile at your 3 a.m. texts.” I pause to take a breath. “Meaning I don’t want to panic when you visit the hospital.”
She nods slowly, allowing me to form my thoughts into a coherent sentence.
“A part of me fights that feeling,” I continue carefully.
She flinches so slightly that I almost miss it.
It’s a subtle twitch at the corner of her eye, but it’s there.
Gone in a flash, her face betraying nothing of what might have just gone through her mind.
I instantly reach for her hand, and she blinks down when my fingers wrap around hers, as if it were the last thing she expected.
“Maria,” I exhale softly.
I quietly beg her to look back up at me, but when she does, her eyes betray nothing. And that scares me more than anything else. It’s a mystery what goes on behind those eyes, beneath that mask. I can’t read her, not yet. But I need her to understand, to see what I mean.
“I want this. I want you.” My breathing is shallow now. “But can we take it slow? So that my brain can build new neural pathways?”
She continues to stare at me in utter silence.
One beat, two beats. I feel a storm rising in my chest, and my throat starts to constrict.
Is it too much for her? I’ve never done this before.
Except for Carmen, my professional life and my private life have never mixed.
It will take me some time to get used to that.
To having a person in my life who wants to bring me coffee while I am at work.
I won’t be perfect, she needs to know that. Don’t let it be too much, por favor.
Just as I open my mouth, she speaks. Her voice is soft but holds a clarity that surprises me.
“You are willing to change that for me?”
I nod. If I speak now, my voice will betray me. Mary’s eyes flick back and forth over my face as if she is debating something. She squints them slightly before they soften and meet mine.
“Then we take whatever time you need. Starting now.”
The storm in my chest settles when I look at her. That same open smile as before wraps around me like safety. The pull in my chest feels even stronger now, and I can’t help but dip my gaze to her lips for a beat. She exhales, and I see her eyes flash darkly.
“Slowly,” she taunts before letting out a soft chuckle.
***
I grimace when my alarm goes off. For a moment, I am disoriented.
Then I see the blonde hair tucked away under my chin.
Mary. We stayed up all night talking until the conversation faded and she snuggled into me as if she had done so for years.
My heart leaps, and suddenly waking up is the best feeling in the world.
Mary tenses in my arms before her eyes flutter open. They instantly find mine, wide with wonder. Her cheek is still pressed warmly against my shoulder, and neither of us looks away. Not until she blinks slowly and the rhythmic blare of my phone becomes too obnoxious to ignore.
When I reach for it, she presses herself upward and away from my chest. The absence of her already leaves me aching. I let out an irritated huff and turn off the alarm as if it personally offended me.
“What time is it?” she murmurs, running her hand over her face.
I can’t help but smile as I see the little creases on her cheek left by the way she melted into me. She fell asleep somewhere around two, and I couldn’t find it in me to wake her up.
“Four thirty.”
“Ugh, why so early?”
“My rounds start at seven.” I chuckle softly when she frowns.
“That’s two and a half hours from now. The hospital is only a ten-minute car ride from here.” She yawns and curls her fingers into the fabric of my blouse.
“Yes, but I have to review charts. I have to be in at six.”
“Still gives us another hour,” she murmurs, and this time she pouts with it.
I run my thumb over her bottom lip, and her eyes flutter. Heat shoots straight through me to my core at the sight, and I let out a soft gasp. Mary lifts her half-lidded eyes, and her lips part slightly. Dios mío, she is so gorgeous.
“I have to freshen up,” I protest weakly.
It’s the truth, though. I need to shower and put on a new set of clothes.
It’s Monday. There will be dozens of charts to go through.
I have a case to prepare for one of my meetings.
There are a dozen reasons why I should leave right now.
But the way her nose scrunches slightly and her eyebrows knit together in protest undermines all of them.
“Can’t you stay just a little longer?”
She looks up at me with those big, gleaming eyes, and I feel all my resolve snap like twigs. Perhaps Mary can smell it, or maybe it’s readable on my face, because she licks those damn lips again, and I’m gone. Just—over.
“Fuck it,” I mutter as I cave in. “I have a clean blouse at the office.”
I slide my fingers behind her neck, resting them at her nape, and softly guide her toward me. Right before my eyes flutter shut, I see her grin victoriously, and my stomach flips. This woman will be the death of you.
***
I pull the collar of my coat closer as I walk through the side door of the hospital, making a beeline for the locker room.
Carmen will be working the same shift. If she realizes I am thirty minutes later than I usually arrive and, on top of that, sees me in yesterday’s clothes… I walk a little faster.
The locker room is already buzzing with voices when I step in.
Mostly nurses who ignore me. This is their domain.
I wouldn’t even be in here if I didn’t need to grab that blouse.
It would be so much easier if I were on call today.
But I only get to make my rounds and then have to sit through three meetings back-to-back.
Days like this make me question my ambition to become chair.
I just want to make a difference, to build a system that works for us instead of against us.
I am so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I almost knock over a nurse while I come around the corner. She yelps and stumbles back. My hand shoots out to steady her, and I grind my molars at my stupidity.
“My apologies,” I say, blinking. “Nurse Wilder.”
Her eyes narrow, and she drags her gaze over my body. Too late, I realize my coat has fallen open. I lift my chin and take a deep breath.
“Have a go—”
“Long night, Doctor Durand?” She makes a point of staring at my blouse before slowly dragging her gaze back up to mine.
Everything in me freezes. She knows. She saw Mary, and now she knows.
I mimic her by dragging my gaze over her slowly, slightly tilting my head sideways, and then boring my gaze into hers.
“Must I remind you of professional boundaries, Nurse Wilder?”
My voice is low and steady. The years of training to control my nerves in the OR are finally paying off. A few people nearby go silent for a beat and then pretend they aren’t listening in. I know better. Wilder seems unimpressed, though. She snarls and exhales through her nose.
“Maybe I’m not the one who needs reminding.”
She passes dangerously close to me, and I see her twitch with the effort not to slam her shoulder into me.
It feels as if she has just driven nails straight through my feet, locking me into place.
An ice-cold sensation runs through my body and fills my entire chest. Wilder knows everything, and I know she won’t be afraid to use that against me.
What the hell are you going to do now? My fingers itch to curl in on themselves, and I have to close my eyes to prevent myself from hyperventilating.
As soon as I do, Mary’s face floats into my mind’s eye, and I instantly feel calmer. We made a choice, together. I am not in this alone. It won’t be easy. Wilder made that abundantly clear, but I need to try. Those few days without Mary were far worse than anything Wilder can do to me.
My chest opens up a little, and I take in a gulp of air. By the time I open my eyes again, I have lifted my chin and continued on to my locker, ignoring the prying eyes. They are irrelevant. Most of these people won’t matter to me five years from now. Why should they affect my life now?
No. The only one who matters is Mary.
And for her, I will face the whole world.