Chapter 20 - Mary
Mary
“My chest is heaving as I struggle to take in a full breath of air, and I throw my arm over my eyes for a brief moment.
“Wow,” I breathe, and Cat answers with a low, pleased chuckle.
When she slides back next to me, I lower my arm to look at her. Instead of the smug grin I expected, I see something warmer, softer. Her eyes are on me. The edges are crinkled upward slightly, just like the corners of her lips.
She lifts her hand but hesitates for a moment. It is only a fraction of a second, but I see it happen. Her fingers hover in the air, tips curling inward, before she moves to brush a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Wow, huh?” she chuckles again, regaining some of her composure.
It feels like something breaks inside my chest. Not for me, but for her. After what she just gave me, what she just showed me, for her not to trust that this goes both ways…
I wrap my hands around her face and kiss her harder than I should.
My fingers brush the nape of her neck while my thumbs rest against her jawline.
Cat startles, and her body goes rigid under my touch before she softens and snakes her arms around me.
She pulls me closer. She has one hand warm against the small of my back, and the other cradling my head.
I can’t bear to part just yet. It is as if I pour all of the emotion into this kiss so that it seeps out between our lips. As if it is yelling at her, ‘not here, not with me.’ I need her to know that. I need her to feel safe with me. Wanted by me, exactly as she is.
Cat must have felt the shift because she tightens her hold on me. She breathes shakily into my mouth before breaking away and pressing her forehead against mine. I feel her jaw work under my fingertips when she swallows, and she lets out a soft sigh.
“Hey?” she murmurs. “Are you okay?”
She slowly opens her eyes and leans back a bit to study me. Her mouth is pressed into a thin line, and there is a worried crease wrinkling her forehead. I can’t help but huff out a soft laugh. Not because it is funny, but because I need to release the tension.
I smooth out the crease with my thumb and press a warm kiss against the skin. Soft and reverent this time. I hope it shows her the truth of this moment, of how real this is, so I nod.
“Very okay.”
I huff another soft laugh, and Cat lets out a deep sigh. The muscles in her arms shift, and I realize she’s been tensing them this whole time. Oh, no. God, no.
“Are you?”
Cat’s eyes widen at that, and surprise flickers behind her eyes.
“Am… am I?”
I nod and smile before closing the small distance between us and pressing a small kiss to the corner of her lips.
“Mm-hm,” I hum and then lean back again to look at her.
“Claro que sí, estoy bien. Tú eres el—”
I blink at her and lean back even more, uncertain how to respond. Cat notices the hesitation on my face and instantly stops speaking. Her eyes scan my face rapidly, but I don’t have answers. Only questions. The confusion on her face grows when the realization of what happened dawns on her.
“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s all right. You are safe here,” I whisper while running my thumb over her jaw. “Can you tell me what happened, though?”
There is a flicker of doubt before her cheeks color lightly, and she lets out a brittle laugh.
Her face is softer than I’ve ever seen it before, and she almost looks smaller when she picks at the duvet.
In this moment, Cat is completely bare in front of me, stripped of all her masks.
And what I see is so beautiful that I forget how to blink.
“I, uh…” She lowers her eyes, frantically searching for the words. “My brain still… it switches to Spanish when I…” She bites her lip and raises her eyes. “…when I am overwhelmed or nervous.”
Her voice is threaded with such a light vulnerability that it’s barely noticeable.
The way she lifts her chin and rolls back her shoulders while she tries to be brave almost masks it.
But the light in which she says it touches it just right, and I can clearly see it woven in like a strand of fine-spun gold.
“Do I make you nervous?”
I ask the words lightly while gliding my fingers over her arm. Her soft skin is supple under my touch, and I hear her lips part at the light contact. Or maybe at the question. I am not entirely sure.
“A little,” she lets out on a breath. “In a good way.”
It comes out so compressed that it seems heavy. It’s not. It’s reverent. I look at her with wide eyes, and she stares back at me with such openness that it tugs right underneath my rib cage. Yes, now you are really here with me.
“Okay.”
My lips bend up, accepting all that she is offering me. It is more than just words.
“Okay,” she echoes, more to herself than to me.
Her eyes shimmer timidly once more, but when they find me, they shift. Her fingers tap against my sternum, and she hums softly. It takes us both by surprise, making us laugh at the same time. The light sound fills the room, dancing around us.
When I move to kiss her again, it is softer.
Not to tether her to this moment, hoping she won’t float, but to meet her here.
My lips slide over hers, and I take in the feeling of her warm and smooth mouth.
Her hands come up around my shoulders in response and softly glide down my back.
The touch is gentle, almost exploring, as if she is mapping every inch of me.
Just as my fingertips are grazing the edge of her jaw, already imprinting it into memory.
I move to roll on top of her, wanting every part of our skin to touch. Cat smiles into the kiss, but she doesn’t break it. Our legs tangle, and my thigh slides between hers, making our bodies slot together like two connecting pieces.
My fingers trail down her side, over her ribs, their rise and their indentations, the soft dip of her waist, and the curve of her hip.
The movement is slow so that I can explore this new territory.
Cat’s lips quiver against mine, and her fingers curl softly into my back, but she doesn’t move away.
If anything, she moves toward me. Every one of her movements matches mine.
Every touch, every kiss, a response to what I offer.
My fingers slide over her hip, and I feel her hold her breath. I break our kiss and press my lips briefly against hers, reluctant to part, before raising my head to gaze at her. I can barely manage to open my eyes. They feel heavy in such a good way, but I want to see her. Need to see her.
Her eyes are glistening when she opens them, her eyelids slowly sliding up. They find mine instantly. As if, even with her eyes closed, she knew where I was that whole time. Her body is still under me. She’s still holding her breath. Her eyes flicker over my face before she inhales softly.
“You… don’t have to do this,” she rasps, her gaze moving back and forth between my eyes.
I frown slightly. Of course I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. Is she having second thoughts? Right at that moment, she presses her hip a bit harder into my hand in response to my tightening hold on her. Well, that answers that. Kinda.
“Mm-hmm.” I grin cheekily at her. “I know.”
I press another kiss against her lips.
“Do you want me to stop?”
I don’t taunt her, don’t tease her. I just let my hand rest against her hip, my thumb stroking warm circles there, so that she can take her time to formulate an answer.
She opens her mouth, closes it, and then opens it again, but no words come out.
Instead, she shakes her head, minute but clear.
Her eyes brim with tears she won’t allow to fall, and she desperately holds on to me.
She doesn’t need to say it for me to hear it. Please don’t stop.
I brush my lips over her eyes, pressing butterfly kisses on her eyelids, and Cat lets out such a shuddering sigh that I feel it reverberate in my bones.
She brings her fingers up to the base of my neck and guides me to her mouth, letting us fuse again.
I take her bottom lip between my teeth and scrape it slightly before releasing it and deepening our kiss. She lets me.
There is no rush, no frantic tugging and pulling.
Just this tranquil movement between our bodies.
When my hand slips between Cat’s legs, she doesn’t gasp or moan.
She simply opens herself up to me by bending her leg, trusting me with all of her.
I let my fingers wander thoughtfully, stroking the warm skin on her thigh before I connect with her center.
She sucks in a breath and releases it right next to my ear. The flow of air is warm on my cheek and makes my skin erupt in goosebumps. God, she feels so good.
As I slide my fingers up, I watch how she moves, how her back lifts off the mattress, her eyebrows briefly knit together, and how her mouth falls open in a silent gasp. Each of them is a little whisper of encouragement, a little nod of consent.
I kiss her jawline and nip at it before gently pressing two fingers against her entrance.
My eyes find hers, asking her in silence.
Do you trust me with this? Her lips curve slightly, and she lets out such an airy laugh that I am not sure whether it is from surprise or nerves. So I wait. I look at her and wait.
Cat’s eyes warm at the realization, and her throat bobs as she swallows. Her eyes scan my face before she opens her mouth and inhales shakily.
“Maria, por favor…”
The longing in her eyes for our confluence is everything.
I feel a wave of belonging come over me when I enter her.
And when her fingers dig into my shoulders, it feels like we merge effortlessly.
We enter a dance where she follows my lead and I lead by following her.
The rhythm slowly climbs, just like Cat’s heartbeat.
She isn’t loud, this isn’t for show, but every now and then, a soft gasp or a low exhale escapes her lips. Her body holds on to mine, and her hips push for friction between us. We are speaking a language that goes beyond words, and yet we are both fluent.
When her voice pitches up on an unexpected moan and her legs tremble against my frame, I pull her closer into my arms. I don’t stop the rhythm, don’t break the movement, but I will hold her through each and every wave.
When Cat comes undone, it is with her fingers tangled in my hair, her teeth pressed into my shoulder, and tears on her cheeks.
I have never felt so complete.