5. 5
5
Honey
11 YEARS EARLIER…
E llie-May gave me a sly grin over her shoulder, telling me she knew something I didn’t, before running into the water with Riley. Colton and I remained on the bank of the dam, sitting on towels. I was self-conscious about every aspect of myself. I knew my acne would be on full display, all glowing red and bumpy. I leant further back as inconspicuously as possible in the hope that my tummy rolls would flatten. Even though I wore an old t-shirt, the wet fabric was clinging to me like a second skin. I bent my legs so my thighs didn’t look as big pressed against the ground and squeezed them together so he couldn’t see I hadn’t yet started shaving down … there. Ellie-May had, only for the razor to create ingrown hairs. She’d shown me when I’d slept over, yanking down her Minnie Mouse undies so I was looking at a red and pimply rash. She now used the hair removal cream her mum used for her moustache.
It was a secret we would take to the grave.
My elbows were digging into the small rocks beneath the towel but I refused to sit up. I glanced over to Colton, who seemed on edge, his eyes locked onto our friends splashing in the water behind his sunglasses. He was shirtless, wearing nothing but boardies as he did every time we went to the dam. At the age of fifteen, the edges of a six pack were already becoming defined thanks to spending every spare minute riding the bucks out of horses, whether in competitions or working with his dad and brother at home. His skin was the perfect shade of tan. Glorious dark hair wet and askew from our swim.
Ellie-May gave a squeal from the water when Riley splashed water at her. He then duck-dived, and by the way she screamed, he was grabbing at her ankles. Colton’s eyes were still locked onto our friends, the heavy feeling in my gut sinking further down to the rolls I was trying to hide. Ellie-May was slim in her bikini. Hair tied up in a messy bun that I could never perfect. I couldn’t shake my suspicion that Colton had a crush on her. They’d known each other since pony club days—long before I’d joined the group. Recently, they were constantly whispering to one another, the conversation quickly coming to a halt each time I appeared. I’d asked Riley about it one day, when we were yet again waiting for Ellie-May and Colton after school ended, wondering if it was bothering him as much as me. He only shrugged it off, claiming he hadn’t noticed. But Riley didn’t notice a whole lot, which was probably why he didn’t worry about much either.
Ellie-May and Colton would be the power couple. The junior rodeo queen and junior bronc rider.
I squashed down the green-eyed monster threatening to rise. Ellie-May was my best friend, the one person to be kind to me when no one else had been brave enough to approach the new girl. I had to remember that.
‘You like Ellie-May, don’t you?’
Colton’s face, shaded by sunglasses, snapped to me and he gave a laugh. ‘No way!’
‘But …’
‘But nothing, Honey.’ His smile became nervous. ‘Ellie-May isn’t the one I like.’
My heart thudded and spiralled all at the same time. In my dreams, he would tell me I was the girl who’d stolen his heart and we’d gallop into the sunset on horses. It would be me he’d sit next to on the school bus, sharing his earphones with. Well, we already did that, but it would be … different. When he got his licence in a couple of years, I’d be the passenger in his ute, going to secret places. But I knew I would never be that girl. Because Colton was him and I was me.
‘So, who do you like?’ I didn’t know why I asked, knowing the answer would crush me.
‘You.’
Oop! My body went still and tingly. My face burnt like hot sauce. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t speak. I waited for him to laugh, to give my shoulder a playful shove before joining the others in the water. I still couldn’t move when I felt him become closer, his body inches from mine.
‘Um, Honey, are you alright?’ His voice, nervous, was so unlike Colton. ‘It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I’ve just liked you for a couple of years and I couldn’t hide it anymore. We can still be friends … if you want.’ He sighed at my silence. ‘I’ve fucked things, haven’t I?’
Eventually, I found my voice and I looked over to him. ‘Why?’
His eyebrows shot up. ‘What?’
I snatched a nearby twig, staring down at it and stripping its bark like my life depended on it. ‘Why do you like me? What about Ellie-May? Or Rachael? Stephanie even! They’re all pretty.’
‘So … you don’t want me to like you? You want me to like those girls instead?’
‘Yes … no!’ I buried my face in my hands. I wanted to cry, scream and run away. I wanted to be brave and kiss him too. It was the moment I’d been waiting for. Colton liked me. And I was allowing my nerves and insecurities to mess up yet another good thing.
Rough hands touched mine, gently prying them from my face. Colton’s sunglasses were now pushed back through his hair to expose his piercing blue eyes. ‘I like you , Honey. I don’t want to like those other girls. To me, you’re perfect.’
My heart swooned but my brain wouldn’t allow it. ‘But my skin isn’t clear and … and I have stomach rolls. Plus, I haven’t been riding for as long as you. Not to mention where I come from …’
‘Those things don’t matter to me.’ He shrugged. ‘I like you because you’re friendly and nice to everyone. I like texting you all night until our alarms go off for school. I like going riding with you. And for what it’s worth, I’ve always thought you were the prettiest girl in school.’
‘Really?’ I allowed a smile to grace my face and butterflies flew from their cages in my stomach.
‘So will you go out with me?’
I found the small twig again, breaking it into itty bitty pieces. ‘Okay. I’ll go out with you.’
It felt surreal when Colton slipped his hand into mine, interlocking our fingers. Our friends whooped from the water. A grin exploded across my face.
Colton Hayes was my boyfriend!