Chapter 5 Octavia
Five
Octavia
“Does it still hurt?” I removed the ice pack from Aleesa’s forehead, and she looked up at me with big green eyes.
She was in the process of eating a Popsicle, which was the only thing that had calmed her down when we made it home. She smiled up at me, licking away, and you’d think the accident had never happened.
When it did, though, my heart had sunk like a rock to my stomach.
I saw it coming from a mile away but figured their instructor would catch the girls before they clashed.
Unfortunately, this was one of those incidents where you can see something happening but by the time you react, it’s too late to prevent it.
“Not hurting.” Aleesa licked the Popsicle.
“Good. I’m just going to keep ice on it for now. Okay? You finish your Popsicle.”
“’Kay.”
I sat on one of the barstools as Aleesa remained perched on the island counter, still dressed in her white tights and black leotard. She looked so cute . . . minus the knot.
Moments later, I heard the door to the garage open and then slam shut. Javier’s footsteps were heavy as he stepped around the corner, eyes wide and swimming with concern.
“Hey,” I said, but he ignored me, going straight to Aleesa and picking her up to inspect her head.
“Hey, Daddy.” Aleesa’s voice was bright and bubbly.
“How did this happen, again?” he asked, studying her head a few seconds longer.
“She and another girl named Rosie bumped into each other while dancing. Both girls were already sort of teetering while trying to hold a pose. Both tipped to the side and came head-to-head.”
The kitchen fell silent as he continued staring at the knot.
The silence was thick, and slightly uncomfortable, so I climbed off the stool and continued with “She’s fine now. I wouldn’t worry.”
“What if she has a concussion?” he asked, snapping his gaze to me.
“Uh . . . I don’t think she does. The run-in wasn’t that hard. They aren’t football players, Javier. They’re three- and four-year-old girls.”
“Octavia, this is not the time for you to get smart with me,” he said in a near growl. “You brought my daughter home with a knot the size of Pluto on her head. She is hurt. This is not a joke.”
“I know it’s not a joke.” I frowned as he placed Aleesa back on the counter and ran a thumb over her forehead.
“I was just as concerned as you are right now, but as you can see, she’s okay.
She wasn’t disoriented, and she didn’t pass out or anything.
I truly don’t believe she has a concussion, but if you want me to take her to urgent care, I can. ”
“Where were you when this happened?” he asked. More like demanded.
“I was sitting on the bench with all the parents.”
“Are you sure you weren’t outside of the room? Or texting? Could this not have been prevented?”
I scoffed. What was with him? “I don’t understand why you’re interrogating me about this. Children have accidents all the time.”
Javier shook his head and removed Aleesa from the counter to place her feet on the floor. “I do not want this to happen again.”
“Okay. But I can’t prevent every accident she has, and neither can you.”
“Well, I can try.”
“Look,” I said with a sigh. “I’m very sorry that it happened. I wish you could be a little more reasonable about this.”
“Reasonable?” he asked through gritted teeth. “Oh, I am being unreasonable?”
“Yes.” I folded my arms. “Unreasonable.”
“No, what is unreasonable is you acting like every serious situation is no big deal, Octavia!”
“Oh, you mean because I don’t coddle her the way you do? Sorry to tell you this, my friend, but I don’t have the helicopter gene in me. I don’t hover over her or try and dictate her every move! Kids have to explore! They have to learn!”
“You know what?” Javier cut a hand through the air. “I’m the parent. I should not be arguing with you about this. We do not see eye to eye. Clearly I was wrong to hire you.”
I blinked at him, stunned. His words were sharp and seemed to cut through me like a dozen knives. I hated that they felt so powerful, and I wasn’t sure why, out of everything he’d said to me during all these months, those words bothered me most.
Maybe because I thought I was doing right by Aleesa.
Maybe because I cared about her and liked seeing her explore and try new things.
Maybe because it was true that we didn’t see eye to eye, but I’d hoped he would eventually look past our differences and realize that, no matter what, Aleesa was okay. She was protected and she was happy with me.
I only ever had her best interests in mind.
But I suppose he couldn’t see that.
I smashed my lips together, fighting the sting in my eyes by lowering my gaze to Aleesa. She’d finished her Popsicle and was looking between us, confused and upset too.
“You know what? You’re right.” I threw my hands into the air, as if throwing in the towel. “You’re her father, and you know what’s best for her. I overstepped. Maybe you’re better off finding someone else to look after her since I’m so terrible at my job.”
“I never said—”
“I was going to wash her up and make her some dinner, but I’ll leave you to it. See you in the morning.”
“Octavia, wait,” Javier called as I walked toward the patio doors. “I didn’t mean it that way; I just—”
“No, I think you meant exactly what you said, Javier.” I twisted around to glare at him.
“It’s been over half a year, and you still don’t seem happy with anything that I do.
I’m trying my hardest to make this work—to spread just a teensy bit of excitement around here for her—but you hate it.
I don’t want to make this about me, but it’s like no matter what I do or how hard I try, it’s never good enough for you.
” I drew in a deep breath, still fighting my tears.
“So maybe it’s like you said. I’m just not the right fit for you and Aleesa. ”
“Tava?” Aleesa called.
I lowered my gaze. She was pouting, and seeing her that way hurt me even more. I looked away before my bottom lip could tremble. Then I walked out of the house and shuffled across the lawn until I reached the guesthouse. The tears finally blurred my vision as soon as I walked inside.
I adored Aleesa. I loved that little girl so much, to the point I’d have done anything for her.
But Javier . . . God, he was not making this job easy for me.
I’d dealt with my fair share of difficult parents.
I understood that most only wanted the best for their children, so I often took their harsh criticisms with a grain of salt.
I’d dealt with sticklers; passive aggressiveness; and sugar-free, gluten-free, dye-free parents. But I’d never dealt with someone who so clearly loathed having me around. I figured by now he’d have softened up. I couldn’t have been that bad to be around, right?
All his loathing reminded me of one thing. One person, really. My ex.
Fucking Luther Hall. That manipulative, selfish, lying piece of shit.
I had sworn on my life that I would never again put up with a man who didn’t appreciate me, or didn’t accept me for who I was.
I would never keel over for someone who didn’t respect me.
It didn’t matter how much Javier paid me.
I had value, and he wasn’t about to shred it.
It was better to move on than sit and take the punches.
Maybe Javier was right, though. Maybe he never should’ve hired me.
If he hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have felt like my mental health was slipping day by day. I had pretended some of his words and actions didn’t bother me all that much, but deep down they did. Why? Because I had a problem with wanting everyone to like me, and I couldn’t understand why he hated me.
I had felt like I needed to go over the top to impress him with my cooking, my baking, and even tending to his daughter just to feel accepted by him.
Though I hated admitting it, I would go over the top when he was around just to see if I could get a teensy bit of a smile out of him.
It never worked. And relying on someone else to make me feel worthy was a terrible habit.
Davina always said this was something I needed to work on.
I cared too much about what other people thought about me. I’d been that way since I was a child. Always wanting approval. Always wanting to be the good girl. Always the one holding back my feelings and emotions just to spare someone else’s. Always putting others before myself.
I had thought, surely, I was making progress with all of that. After years of therapy, I had felt confident enough in myself to give this world another shot.
But if things continued on this track, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could be a nanny for Javier. I had never quit a job . . . but this would be the first time in history that I did.
All because of a grumpy single father with a chip on his shoulder.