Chapter 8 Octavia
Eight
Octavia
“Why did you agree to this again?” my sister asked, laughing.
“Because he needs help, Vina.” I wedged my phone between my shoulder and ear so I could finish scrambling eggs.
“And because maybe he’ll stop being so much of a dick toward me if he sees I can hold my weight around here.
I thought he was going to fire me. At least now I know my paychecks are safe until her birthday. ”
“Please. He’s not going to fire you,” Davina muttered.
“How would you know, know-it-all?” I placed the bowl of eggs down and grabbed the phone again to hear what she so confidently had to say.
“I just know. With the way he talks about you to Deke . . . let’s just say Javier doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who brags, yet he’s always talking about how patient you are with Aleesa—and don’t even get me started on your cooking.
Deke says Javier won’t shut up about the meals you make.
It’s gotten to a point where he doesn’t even think Javier realizes he’s talking about you or the things you do. ”
My heart fluttered, hearing that.
No, wait. Stop fluttering, heart. We don’t flutter for men anymore.
“And even though all of your views don’t align with his regarding Aleesa,” she went on, “he’s told Deke you’re doing a really good job with her.”
“Really?” I huffed a laugh. “I wish he’d tell me that himself.”
“You know how Javier is. He probably has to unthaw. I’m sure he’ll get there with you one day.”
“No, see, that’s the thing. I don’t know how he is.
I mean, other than the fact that he’s a basketball player, has a daughter, and was previously married, I barely know the man.
I don’t expect to know his deepest darkest secret, but he doesn’t talk about himself much.
He hardly even talks about his mom or sister, yet I hear him on the phone with them all the time.
He’s like a vault.” I bit into a strip of turkey bacon. “Can’t get a morsel out of that man.”
“Yeah, well, just try and cut him a little slack,” Davina said. “He’s been parenting alone, and his schedule is insanely busy, I’m sure. He probably needs a break from the hustle and bustle. Deke is glad the summer is approaching.”
“Why? ’Cause he’ll get to dip his thing in your thang nonstop?”
“Tavia, please.” She tried to use her serious big sister voice, but I could tell she was stifling a laugh. “I want to see you soon. My schedule is pretty clear for the first time in a while next week. I can come see you at Javier’s.”
“Ugh. I would love that,” I sighed.
“I bet. Let me know what day. We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.”
“Love you, Poop-Butt.”
“I love you, too, Stinky V.”
I placed my phone on the counter after the call ended, then got back to my eggs. After scrambling them and making a quick breakfast wrap, I searched for my shoes.
It was when I had both shoes on that I heard my phone vibrate on the counter. I headed back to the kitchen and collected it from the counter, seeing an email with the subject line O, we should try again.
I figured it was spam, but I gave it a tap anyway.
Then my heart dropped as I read it.
What’s up O,
It’s been a while since we last spoke. Just wanted to tell you that I got a new job in Atlanta. I work for a tech company.
I saw you on TV sitting front and center during one of the Ravens’ basketball games. You were holding one of the player’s kids and the camera panned to you.
You nanny for him now? The Javier Valdez dude? Your sister’s engagement was all over the place, so I assume that’s how you got that job, connected with the team somehow? That’s cool. I know you wanted to be a nanny so I’m happy for you.
Let me know when you’re free. I’ve been trying to make myself a better man. I miss you and would love the chance to see you.
With love,
Luther
My mouth became sour, while my throat thickened. How the hell did he even find my email address? I didn’t care that he saw me on TV, but contacting me personally? I’d blocked all contact from him years ago . . . yet he’d found me.
Hands shaking, I collected my breakfast wrap and hustled out the door of the guesthouse. My legs could hardly carry me with how shaky they were, but I eventually made it to Javier’s mansion.
Before I could unlock the back door, I heard someone wailing. My heart dropped and all thoughts of Luther vanished when I recognized the cry. I burst into the house, and the cries became twice as loud.
From the kitchen, I spotted Javier standing in the living room with Aleesa in his arms. He walked back and forth with her, shushing her, trying to calm her. His hair was tousled, his face tired, and when his eyes found mine, I saw the stress wearing around them.
“What happened?” I asked, rushing through the kitchen to meet him.
“She woke up crying. When I went to her room, she was holding her stomach. She says it hurts.”
“Like a stomachache?” I asked, rubbing circles on Aleesa’s back.
“Possibly.”
“Aww. It’s okay,” I murmured to Aleesa. She reached for me, and Javier willingly handed her over, relief immediately sinking into his body.
“Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve come over when she woke up.”
“I did not want to interrupt your morning. She woke up around five, and we have agreed you officially start at seven on the days I am here. That would have been a breach of your contract, no?”
“Thoughtful,” I said as I rocked Aleesa, “but I’m happy to get up for emergencies. I don’t consider those breaches.”
“Okay. I just did not want to cross boundaries.”
“I understand.” I offered him a smile, hoping it would calm some of his nerves. “I’m here to help take some of the burden off of you, Javier. I’m here for Aleesa, yes, but I’m here to help you too. Always remember that. Okay?”
He nodded, then sat on the edge of one of the sofas, elbows landing on his thighs and his face dropping into his palms. Pushing his hands upward, he raked his fingers through his full head of dark hair.
“I am sorry,” he said. “I am just . . . so tired. Last night’s game went into overtime, and I had to speak to the media. It is very hard some days . . .”
Aleesa had calmed down, her head now resting on my shoulder as she sniffled and shuddered.
“It is hard. I get it.” I watched him a moment as he stared at the floor. He looked so sad, so . . . lonely. My heart hurt seeing him this way. I hoped he realized he wasn’t alone. “Have you given her any medicine for the stomachache?”
“Not yet.”
“Okay. No worries. I’ll take care of it.
And listen, don’t be too hard on yourself.
This is a regular thing for toddlers,” I assured him.
“Could be that she’s constipated and can’t poop, or maybe she found an old Fruit Snack under her bed and ate it.
You really never know with kids, so don’t stress too much about it.
And if it feels like too much for you, just call me next time. I mean it when I say I’m here to help.”
He pressed his lips, giving a quick nod.
I turned away with Aleesa to go to the pantry for the medicine basket.
There were all kinds of things stored inside it.
Tylenol, Benadryl, Motrin, cough syrups, gas tablets, vitamins.
I came across the tummy-ache-relief medicine and grabbed it.
I carried her to the island counter, placing her on top of it so I could open the box.
She stared at me, lips pouty and eyes damp.
“No feel good, Tava,” she said in a fragile voice.
That little voice broke my heart.
“I know, angel. It’s okay.” I rinsed out the measuring cup. “We’re going to take this”—I poured medicine into the cup—“so it will make you feel better. It tastes like grapes. You like grapes, right?”
She wiped her eyes. “Yes.”
“Good.” I gave her the cup, and she brought it to her lips and drank it down.
I took it away, rinsed it out, and replaced the medicine in the basket.
It was still a bit early in the morning, and I could sense she was tired.
Aleesa wasn’t an early riser, so she could use another hour or two of sleep, I was sure.
I scooped her off the counter, carried her to the sofa, and laid her down. She wasn’t having that, though. She crawled onto her dad’s lap and snuggled into his chest instead.
He held her close, and I offered him a blanket.
He covered her delicately, as if she were a newborn, tucking the blanket between her chin and shoulder, then making sure her bare feet were covered.
I went to the kitchen and fiddled around, unsure what to do now. This was the first time Aleesa had been sick since I had been hired. She’d had a couple of accidents here and there and the sniffles, but nothing that had made her feel like she felt today.
Most Saturday mornings I spent time getting ready for the day, doing her hair, taking her for walks or to the park, going grocery shopping, or letting her ride her tricycle in the courtyard.
It didn’t help that my mind was still racing from that email from Luther.
Aleesa would have been a welcome distraction from his bullshit.
I could feel myself getting worked up about it again and my anxiety spiking, so with my back to Javier, I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths while counting to ten.
“Are you okay?” Javier asked.
I turned around. His head was slightly cocked, and the skin between his brows was pinched.
“Yeah.” My response was breathy, rushed. “I’m okay. Just hoping Leesa feels better soon.”
Javier seemed to buy my excuse, because he looked from me to Aleesa again as she rested on his chest. “I hope so too.”
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. Javier leaned back with a relieved exhale, stretching his long legs and resting the back of his head on the top of the sofa.
“You think I am a failure,” he muttered.
“What?” My eyes widened. “No. Why would you say that?”
“I cannot even calm my own daughter enough to give her medicine.”
“That’s not true.” I entered the living room again, dropping down on the recliner across the room from him. “You’re both tired. And I’m sure you were about to handle it just fine.”
“Sure . . . but you are much better at this than I am.”
I smiled a little. “I’m just used to working with kids. I actually want to finish school so I can get a degree in children’s psychology.”
“You do?” he asked, truly surprised.
“Yes. I love kids. I love how innocent their minds are yet how big their imaginations can be. Things that are so small to us are significant to them. It’s not hard for them to appreciate the world.”
“That is an interesting take.”
“Besides, it’s different when you’re a parent. It’s kind of your job to freak out and stress over them.”
He laughed at that. Actually laughed. With teeth showing.
Then he dropped his head to study his daughter. “I worry for her so much.”
“About what?”
He was quiet a beat, head shaking as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. She let out another long breath after a deep inhale. “Because her life will always seem a bit broken without her mother in it. I wish sometimes that it was me who was taken, not Eloise.”
Oh.
“It is hard to raise a child through grief,” he continued.
“People expect me to be this happy man, one who should be grateful that I am still alive and that my daughter is too. And trust me, I am glad that I have Aleesa. I am glad that she is here and that she is healthy, but there is not a single day where I do not feel like I do not belong here. Not one day where I do not know Aleesa would be better off if she had her mother instead of me.”
“Javier, I—”
“I am sorry.” When he looked up, his eyes were glistening. “I have shared too much. As I told you, I am just really exhausted.” He tried laughing it off.
“No—don’t apologize. Trust me, I get it.
” I threw up a hand, hoping he wouldn’t rile himself up too much.
“I’ve lost a father and a brother-in-law.
And I know those two are not the same as losing a spouse, but I understand grief.
My dad was the best man I ever knew.” I had to pause and look away to bite back tears.
“I . . . um . . . I can still remember the things he did for me and Davina. He was seriously the best.” I tugged at one of my locs, eyes still wandering.
“And Davina’s first husband, Lew, he was a really great guy.
He loved her and truly felt like a brother to me.
” My eyes flicked to Javier’s again. “So believe me, I get it. I’m not judging you for what you think or how you feel.
Yes, girls need their moms, but they also need their dads. You’re doing fine.”
He kept his eyes on me the entire time. His gaze fell to my nose, then my mouth. I stared at his lips for a bit . . . until I realized we were looking at each other a few seconds longer than necessary. He seemed to realize, too, and tore his eyes away.
“I, um . . . I can go lie her down if you want me to,” I offered, gesturing to Leesa.
“That is okay.” He rose with her. “I can at least handle that.”
A soft laugh escaped me. “Okay.”
I watched him round the corner and disappear. When I heard his heavy steps lumbering up the stairs, I slouched back on the recliner and replayed our conversation in my head.
He was finally opening up to me.
This was a good thing . . . but also triggering.
I missed my dad so much. I’d have done anything just to speak to him again, at least one more time. And Lew . . . man, that was a tough loss too.
Lew was so young, and Davina was so in love with him. Every Christmas, he’d give me these silly gifts. Socks with butts on them, shirts with sayings on them like Thou shall not try me or Sarcasm is my second language. And with those silly gifts, he’d add in a romance book or a bookstore gift card.
I understood why it was so hard for Davina to move on from him. And I could understand why Javier always had his guard up. He had lost so much of his peace. He had lost a wife, but he couldn’t do what Davina was able to do.
He couldn’t stay in his house or in his bed and cry the days away. He couldn’t hide from the world and shut everyone and everything out for weeks. He had a child that depended on him, which meant he had to wake up every single day and find just enough strength within himself to keep going for her.
I couldn’t imagine how hard that was to do—not taking the time to be selfish or to wallow, all because someone quite literally needs you to survive. With the sacrifices he had made for Aleesa . . . I could only imagine how he truly felt inside after doing this alone.
So focused on my own feelings, I hadn’t really thought of it that way until now.
I realized my sister was right. I needed to take it easy on him because he wasn’t grumpy and standoffish for no reason.
He was just a man trying his best while coping with grief.