Chapter 24 Octavia
Twenty-Four
Octavia
“I think cream cheese is the best option for icing so far. And do you think we should go with red velvet or white cake?” Davina swiveled her eyes to mine as she licked her tasting fork.
“Cream cheese and red velvet,” I told her. “Definitely.”
She nodded in agreement, pushing her fork into the red velvet for another bite.
I looked to my left at Aleesa, who was sitting in a chair, with cake crumbs all over her mouth. Icing was glued to her fingers, and she began licking each one, with delighted eyes.
“Do you want a wipe, Leesa?” I asked, reaching for her mermaid backpack.
“No, no wipe. No, thank you.” Aleesa sucked each finger into her mouth while kicking her feet.
“Are you sure I can’t drive to Atlanta, find Luther, and beat his sorry A-S-S?” Davina eyed me, with flared nostrils, working herself up all over again.
I’d told her late last night about Luther showing up at Javier’s house, and I purposely did that because I didn’t want her dropping everything to come to me.
She would have bailed on this entire cake tasting (that she had been wait-listed on for months) just to spend the whole morning in Atlanta with me. I’d refused to let her do that.
“You can try, but he’s not worth it.” I blew a sigh. “I’m going to file a restraining order when I get back.”
“Good.” She licked icing off her fork’s prongs. “Can’t believe the police had to get involved. Like, seriously? What was he thinking? What kind of man does that?”
“He’s not a man, Vina. He’s a child in a man’s body, who throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.”
“Facts.” She sighed. “Well, do you wanna tell me what else is wrong?”
“What do you mean?” I sat up taller in my chair. What was she hinting at? Did Javier talk to Deke and now she knew something? “I’m fine.”
“No, Tavia, you’re not. That dumbass showed up and shook you all up.”
“Yeah, and I’m over it. F-U-C-K him.” I glanced at Aleesa.
“So what else is bothering you?”
“Why would you think something else is bothering me?”
“Is it work?” she asked, ignoring my question.
“No, Vina.”
She was quiet a moment, studying me, looking for any tells. “Well, it has to be something. We’re at a popular bakery, and you’re not commenting on any of the designs? Aahing over the consistency of the icing? Ogling the cupcakes? That’s so unlike you.”
“I just had a long night, that’s all. I’m tired.”
“What were you doing?”
“Nothing,” I returned quickly. “I just couldn’t sleep. What’s with all the questions?”
She gave me a suspicious look. She was still searching me for lies. She then pointed at Aleesa with her fork. “Javier was okay with you bringing his precious?”
“Yeah, he was cool about it. He had a meeting with his manager today.” I picked up my fork and pierced the prongs through the moist chocolate cake.
Okay, sure. Vina was right. Something else was bothering me, but it wasn’t fuckboy Luther.
I kept thinking about the night before, being in the hot tub with Javier.
How he walked away. The disappointed look in his eyes.
I wasn’t sure if we would be on good terms or not, but after seeing him this morning, it felt like we weren’t.
He’d given Aleesa a kiss, glanced at me with a forced smile, and then left the house. No Goodbye, See you later, or anything.
“Octavia, please look at me.” Damn it. Davina was once again using her big sister voice. It was clear she had an idea of what might’ve been wrong with me. And the crazy part about my sister was when she had a hunch, she was never wrong.
I reluctantly shifted my gaze to meet hers.
After studying me carefully for a beat, she looked across the room at the baker and wedding planner, who were deep in conversation, before leaning in closer to me.
“You did something with him, didn’t you?”
“With who?” I asked, playing dumb.
She scoffed. “You know who.” She bobbed her head at Aleesa. “Tell me what’s going on. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
I dropped my fork and slouched back in my chair. “Okay, fine. But I’m going to need you to not overreact.”
She threw her hands in the air. “I never overreact.”
“Yes, we did something.”
She gasped, eyes stretching wide. “Tavia!”
“Oh my gosh, I just told you not to overreact,” I countered.
“I’m sorry, I just—I had a feeling!” she whisper hissed.
“Deke called me after the charity event yesterday and was saying he noticed something different about Javier. He said Javier kept looking for you during the event, and when you told me he interrupted your date that other night . . . well, now it’s all starting to make sense. ”
“Wait. Really?” I asked. “He kept looking for me?”
“According to Deke, he definitely was. I told him that Javier was probably looking for you because you had Aleesa,” Vina went on, “but Deke swore something else was going on. He said something had changed between you and him. Said y’all were flirting, girl.
Now I get it.” She couldn’t contain her grin.
“Okay, fine, it’s true. But y’all shouldn’t make a big deal about it. It’s just for fun right now. Nothing serious.” At least, I hoped we would still have fun. I wasn’t quite sure after last night.
“Okay, I get it.” She bobbed her head. “And that makes perfect sense for both of you, considering your pasts.”
“Exactly.” Why couldn’t Javier see it that way?
After thinking about it last night, I realized he’d expected a different answer from me. He’d told me he didn’t want us to stop having our fun . . . but what did he think would happen the more we had sex?
Someone would become attached, and I was going to make damn sure it wasn’t me. And the last thing I wanted was to hurt his feelings if he asked for more. Why ruin a good thing?
Besides, what good would a relationship between a broken woman and a widower be?
“So this is part of the reason why you’re moody today?” my sister asked, folding her arms.
“I’m not moody.”
“You are.”
“Okay, I might be. Sue me.”
“I will sue you if you don’t tell me what’s up.”
Something rattled on the other end of the table, and out of instinct, I reached over to grab Aleesa’s plate before it could topple and hit the floor.
“Sowwy, Tava,” Aleesa said in an apologetic little voice.
“It’s okay, love.” I watched her climb out of her chair just to stand at my side.
“Can I have iPad?”
I sighed. “If you get the iPad, you can only watch it for ten minutes, okay? You watched too much of it in the car, and your dad will never shut up about it if he finds out.”
“Okay.” She smiled at me, almost like she knew I’d forget and she’d fly right past her ten-minute limit. That happened more often than I cared to admit.
I dug into the backpack for her iPad and set it up on the table with the kickstand.
“Kids now are like little geniuses.” Davina watched Aleesa as she moved her finger around the screen. “Imagine if we would’ve had iPads at her age. What do you think we would be like now?”
“That’s a good question.” I laughed. “We’d have probably taken over the world.”
Davina snorted.
I drew in a deep breath through my nostrils before releasing it through parted lips.
“Okay.” I leaned closer to my sister. “The truth is that last night, we did explicit things in the hot tub. But right after, he said he wanted those things to keep happening. I told him it could as long as we didn’t get too deep or serious, you know?
When I said that, it seemed to bother him, though. ”
“Hmm.” Davina took a moment to mull that over. “Why do you think it bothered him?”
“I don’t know, but you’d think the last thing he wants is something even remotely close to a serious relationship. Especially with his nanny.”
“Maybe he’s just wanting a connection. Doesn’t mean it has to be serious. And he probably doesn’t see you as just the nanny anymore, Octavia. He might see you as family now.”
“Family members don’t fool around.”
She gave me the stink eye. “You know what I mean.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Look.” She rested an elbow on the table and looked into my eyes.
“You’ve bonded with both of them. You’ve been around them for over half a year.
You’re beautiful, smart, and kind. I’m truly surprised it took this long for something to happen between y’all, honestly.
Me and Deke were betting on the timing. Looks like he won. Again.”
“Well . . . it wasn’t supposed to happen,” I informed her. “And he initiated it.”
“Really? You sure it wasn’t you?”
“No, it wasn’t me! He kissed me first.”
She laughed. “I’m just saying.”
“Don’t do that.” I pointed a finger at her, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t act like I’m some hoe ready to jump into any man’s bed.”
“I never said that, but you do have the tendency to take what you want.”
That was true. I liked what I liked. But still.
I folded my arms. “Anyway, I think I should just tell him we need to stop now before we take it too far.”
“What do you mean by too far?”
“I mean . . . I don’t want either of us trying to fall for each other or whatever.” I waved my hand, as if this topic wasn’t actually weighing heavily on me.
It was. A whole lot.
Maybe because no matter how much I tried to deny it, deep, deep, deep, deep down, I did want to fall for someone again.
I was just scared.
“Tavia, I’ve told you a million times that every man is not like shitty Luther. That fucker never deserved you,” Davina said in a lower voice. “It’s okay to want more with someone else.”
I shook my head.
“He was one horrible, rotten egg,” she went on. “So what if things get a little serious with Javier? Would that be such a bad thing?”
“That’s an interesting question, coming from a woman who recently had a hard time letting another man in.”
“Not the point,” my sister shot back, fighting a smile. “I’m just saying, if he wants you and you want him . . . why not?”
“Because at the end of the day, I’m the woman he hired to take care of his child. He can get tired of me, meet someone else, and then fire me. It’d be like I never even existed to him.”
“Those are your insecurities and fears talking. Besides, with an attitude like his, I doubt he’ll be meeting anyone else anytime soon.”
I couldn’t help my smirk. “What about his wife?” I asked. “I can’t compete with the mother of his child. He could compare me to her. Expect me to be like her . . .”
“Stop that. No one’s asking you to compete with her or to be anything like her.
” She scratched above her brow with the tip of her French-tipped nail.
“I mean, are there times when I compare Deke to Lew? Yes. But my therapist told me that was natural and that I shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
And Javier could think of comparisons in his head, but as long as he doesn’t try and change you or bring things she did into your conversations to intentionally make you feel ashamed, it shouldn’t matter. ”
Hmm. I guessed she had a point.
“Deke always used to say he never thought he’d live long enough to see the day Javier moved on,” said Davina.
“That says something. To me, it says Javier trusts you and that he must really like you. He may not know what he wants from this whole thing with you right now, but from what I’m hearing, he does like you.
Hell, he crashed your date! Literally cut off the chance for another man to have you.
If that doesn’t scream it, I don’t know what will, girl. ”
I blinked at her a few times before lowering my eyes to the thin cake slices on my plate. “So . . . what do you think I should do?”
“I think you should just let things happen. Let life do its thing.” She popped another piece of cake into her mouth.
“And I tell you this from experience, sis: trying to run from something that brings you joy, even if you feel like you don’t deserve it, won’t save you.
It’ll ruin you and make your life miserable. ”
And yet . . . I was still terrified of that, because joy wasn’t an emotion that walked alone. Sorrow lingered right behind it, ready to storm in and sweep you away when the slightest crack formed.