Chapter 16 #2
“I beg your pardon–” Lady Catherine began.
“But my aunt is the daughter of an earl!” Priscilla interrupted.
“That is enough out of you, Priscilla Fitzwilliam!” Lady Catherine’s displeasure was too marked to be mistaken.
“But, Aunt! Daughters of earls must stick together!”
Elizabeth had to cover her mouth to hide a grin. Darcy returned to his window, his shoulders shaking in laughter.
“My daughter Anne has long been intended for my nephew, Fitzwilliam.” Lady Catherine fixed Elizabeth with an icy stare. “It is expected.”
“Is it?” Lady Barry said idly. “By whom, may I ask?”
“It has always been understood. Their union was planned while they were in their cradles.”
“Now I see why you need so much improvement, young man.” Lady Barry tutted. “You are at least six years older than your cousin. Poor boy, to be confined in a cradle so long.”
Priscilla could take no more. She burst out laughing in a most unladylike fashion, as the others in the room desperately held theirs in.
Lady Catherine ignored her niece and attempted to take back control of the conversation. “Since Miss Bennet must be redirected, I have decided that she would be better suited to her father’s cousin and heir presumptive, Mr Collins. He is calling upon her father even now to arrange the matter.”
The room fell silent. Elizabeth stared. Darcy glared. Lady Barry looked between them in open fascination.
Lady Catherine, taking silence for acceptance, went on. “He is a most respectable clergyman. You ought to be properly grateful.”
“How vindictive,” Lady Barry said in a strange tone, her eyes narrowing at Lady Catherine almost maliciously. “If you were still eleven, I would twist your ear clean off, Cathy de Bourgh.”
Elizabeth would remain silent no longer. “How generous, Lady Catherine, to concern yourself so intimately with my prospects. However, your information is out of date. Mr Collins’s claim to Longbourn vanished with the appearance of my brother.”
“Yes, I have heard of the curious change in the Bennet succession. I understand there has lately been a most suspicious development.”
“I beg your pardon?” Elizabeth bristled.
Lady Catherine folded her hands in triumph.
“The fortuitous arrival of a boy-child is at best, improbable, and at worst, a criminal act. I cannot be the only one to have wondered if irregularities have occurred. I have friends in positions of authority. My own brother is an earl. I shall have the matter looked into myself.”
“Irregularities?” Elizabeth repeated, eyes blazing.
“Enough, Catherine.” Darcy Senior looked exhausted by his sister-in-law. “This is highly improper.”
“Mr Bennet has established a pattern of daughters which cannot be argued with. Is it likely that he legitimately produced a son?” Lady Catherine insisted. “After so many female births, one must begin to question statistical improprieties.”
Elizabeth was about to lose her temper entirely when the scene was saved by Darcy’s father, who finally lost his composure and began laughing uncontrollably.
“Statistical improprieties!” He shouted, pounding upon the arm of his armchair in hysterical laughter. “If anyone gave a damn about statistical improprieties, the entire nobility would have collapsed more than a hundred years ago!”
Priscilla joined him, followed by Lady Barry, and even Darcy, who was holding onto the wall by the window, ready to collapse in humour.
“I think you have finally rendered yourself as ridiculous as you shall ever be, Cathy!” Lady Barry’s eyes streamed with tears. “Sons are always known for their strategic timing!”
This produced another round of hilarity from the room. Georgiana appeared too terrified to join in, but even Elizabeth, as offended as she was, began to giggle.
Lady Catherine stood, furious. “I will not remain for the amusement of the room!”
Lady Barry nodded and waved her away as she collected herself. “At last, a practical notion. The first you have had all day, I warrant. You may be dismissed, Cathy.”
The door slammed behind Lady Catherine hard enough to dislodge a decorative vase from the mantel, which smashed on the floor.
“Oh dear…do not mind the vase. It was a wedding present from Cathy. Anne always despised the ugly thing, but we had to keep it somewhere it could be seen occasionally.” Darcy’s father rose.
“I will leave you all. I believe I shall rest before the theatre. I had forgotten how very refreshing and useful you can be, Lady Barry.”
“I am unsurprised, men can never remember anything unless there is a string tied to their finger to remind them.” Lady Barry stood as well.
“I am told there has lately been a daily adventure to the confectioners that was cancelled today. We cannot have that. The young ladies must not be disappointed, and I must have my share of the amusement. Get your bonnets, Miss Darcy, Reggie’s girl.
And you too, Cathy’s girl. You look as if you are in more need of improvement and sugar than your cousin here, the dreadful boy, but we shall see what we can do with you. Ladies only today. No men!”
Darcy’s face fell.
Lady Barry thumped her cane in amusement. “Would I be so cruel to Anne’s boy? Where would we be without a handsome escort? But you must saddle your horse with haste, my carriage will be quite full.”
When Anne de Bourgh returned to Darcy Cottage after her outing, she bore a tin of candied ginger with a note for her mother.
You always preferred candied ginger. Never say that I am cruel, Cathy.
Lady B