Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I let my eyes drift close as his tongue darted past my lips. His hand moved from my mid-back up my side, past my breast to cup my chin as he opened my mouth further with his tongue and kissed me so hard, my knees felt week and my body grew warm. My fingers dug into his biceps as his other hand dug into my ass. Before I knew what was happening, he lifted me into the air without breaking the kiss. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me to the couch. The poor dog scurried to get out of our way as he lay me down before climbing on top of me, between my legs.
His mouth moved to my neck as his hand found my breast over top of my shirt. I wanted to scream for his hand to touch my skin. I reached for the bottom of his t-shirt before dragging it up over his chest, shoulders, and head, casting it aside. My eyes widened at the sight of his bare chest. I ran my fingertips along his abs and up over his chest, bringing goosebumps over his skin. He lifted my shirt over my head and p ulled down my bra before bringing his mouth down over my hard nipple, eliciting a moan to my lips.
The hard length of him pressed against my shorts, and I squirmed against him. The sensation brought a gasp to my lips as he groaned and pressed his hips harder against me.
“Oh God, Jenna,” he said before moving down to kiss my stomach. Holy shit, what was I doing?
“Wait,” I said.
He stopped immediately, breath coming in pants as he kneeled over top of me. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I told you I wouldn’t push it again.” He stood abruptly, leaving me cold and confused.
“No, I … I just don’t know…” I didn’t know how to finish that thought because I didn’t even know what I didn’t know. “Should we be doing this?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face, not looking at me. “Not if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have been so demanding.”
“No, you weren’t,” I said. “I just. I don’t know, I’m confused. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this,” I said waving my hand between us. “Until I was more established, and I keep letting it happen.”
“Maybe you have too many rules,” he said.
I sat up and glared at him. “Maybe this bakery is more important than getting my kicks,” I said, pulling my shirt back on.
He looked at me with fire in his eyes. “Getting your kicks?” he spat. “Is that what this is? ”
“What else would it be?” I asked. “I barely know you. And you certainly don’t know me.”
“Of course I know you,” his voice was growing louder. “You are stubborn, fastidious, hardworking, determined. You can’t do anything without a meticulous plan. You put everyone else first until there isn’t any of you left for yourself. You have a hard time saying no. You love to bake because it is the only place you can really express yourself. I don’t think you really like scary movies, but you watch them anyway for some reason. You love the beach and cats, and I think, secretly, you are a hopeless romantic, but you won’t admit it. And you don’t ever believe in yourself. I don’t know why you can’t just believe that you are special.”
I shook my head as tears prickled my eyes. “I can’t tell if you are being nice or a total asshole. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You have grown up special. Everyone kisses your ass, and I am a nobody. All I ever wanted was this stupid bakery by the beach, and I can’t even have that! Because of you.”
“Jesus Christ, Jenna! Open your eyes,” he shouted, hands wide as if there was something I was supposed to see.
“My eyes are open! Come to think of it,” I said, something just occurring to me as I yanked the tally sheets of the table. “Did I even really win?”
“Of course you won. What the hell are you talking about?”
“Don’t you think it is strange that I had so many large orders and you didn’t?” I asked. “Did we record this wrong?”
“You were watching me the whole time, remember? ”
“I guess so.”
That reminder managed to take some of the wind from my sails. But something still didn’t seem right to me, and I didn’t think it was because I was looking for the negative. I suddenly recalled one woman coming by our table multiple time. She bought several boxes worth of stuff over a few visits. I didn’t think twice about it in the moment because we were busy, and I was lost in the excitement of it all.
“How could you having lots of large orders possibly be nefarious?” he asked.
I shrugged. He was right. I was looking for reasons to justify my pessimistic worldview, reasons that all of this wasn’t real. I had spent so much time in the waiting, hoping, dreaming phase that now, I struggled to accept that it was coming true. Or I was simply trying to pick a fight to get out of the awkward, confusing situation with Jared.
“I don’t know why you are doing this,” he said, grabbing the sheet from my hands. “If you don’t want to make out with me on the couch, then fine. But stop looking for reasons that you aren’t good enough.”
It was stupid, but part of me felt like he didn’t have the right to say that, the right to be my cheerleader. And another part of me wanted to fall back into his arms. Forget about the rigid rules I had built around myself to protect my heart from the vacationers and the disappointment of unrealized dreams and the crushing sense of failure. I wished desperately I hadn’t stopped him.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Can we get through this week?”
“I shouldn’t have tried to rush you with this,” he said, motioning between us to indicate the whole making out thing. “But maybe I should just forfeit now. Not sure I will be able to claw my way back to a victory after today.”
“No. I need to win fair and square. Today may have been a fluke.”
He nodded, the smirk returning to his face. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”
“As usual, I don’t think you take anything seriously enough,” I said.
“Like I said, we complement each other.”
I shook my head. “I’m going to go.” I walked toward the door.
“You know, Jenna,” he said. “You aren’t chasing me away.”
“I realize that,” I said with a glare.
“No, I mean from you,” he said.
My whole body went warm, then I wondered if I misunderstood what he was trying to say. I shook my head and hurried for the door. I had to get the hell out of there before I made more stupid decisions.
I practically ran down his front steps and started speedwalking in the direction of my apartment. What the hell had just happened? I didn’t know if I should be elated at my win or freaked out that I hooked up with him again or suspicious at the tallies. In the end, my brain couldn’t stop replaying his words over and over.
“No, I mean from you.”
I had dated smooth guys who had persuaded me until they lost interest. They were charming and flirty and complimentary. But in the end, the one common denominator was that they always lost interest. It made it impossible for me to make sense of Jared’s intentions.
I turned a corner and almost ran headlong into some poor woman.
“I am so sorry,” I said. “I am lost in my thoughts and not looking where I am going.”
“Oh nonsense, no worries,” she said. She looked at me more closely. “Oh, it’s you.”
As soon as she said that, I recognized her. She was one of the women that had purchased several large orders from me at the preview.
“I really enjoyed your bake sale today,” she said. She was in her mid-fifties if I had to guess and dressed in a flowing flora dress with a wide-brimmed sun hat. She looked like old money.
“Thank you so much,” I said. It was impossible not to smile at the compliment.
“Well, enjoy your day,” she said. She started walking in the direction she had been heading in. I should have let her walk on. She was just some random vacationer trying to enjoy her day. She had just complimented me. But I couldn’t let it go—because I’m me.
“Excuse me,” I said, catching up to her. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course,” she said with a big smile as if she didn’t have a care in the world. It made me feel like an asshole for prying.
“You bought several boxes at the preview sale. I was just wondering who you were buying them for? ”
“Oh, a nice young man asked me to buy them for him,” she said.
My stomach dropped out, and I felt like my feet would sink into the core of the earth. “What … did he look like?” I asked, trying to keep my tears at bay.
“Well, he certainly was handsome,” she said with a lift of her eyebrow, oblivious to the emotions waging war in my gut. “He was tall with sort of long, messy dark hair.”
I pulled up my phone and quickly googled Jared Wallace. “Him?” I asked.
“Oh yes, that’s him. Nice fella,” she said with a wink.
“Yes, thank you,” I said.
“Of course. I am looking forward to the bakery opening.”
“Us too,” I said. “See you around.”
When she walked away, I couldn’t breathe. I worried my feet wouldn’t even carry me home. He had cheated. In my favor. I leaned against the closest building, which happened to be a bed-and-breakfast, and cried. When my tears dried up, the rage found its way in. I stood, turned around and marched back to Jared’s house where I slammed on the door with my fists.
“Back so soon?” he said with his smirk.
“You liar!” I shouted.
His eyes grew wide before his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders slumped and his head hung heavier. “Come in.”
“You cheated!” I shouted as soon as the door closed. My body vibrated with rage so powerful, it might spill over and desolate the entire town.
“Jenna,” he said calmly, reaching out to grab my shoulders, but I shrugged off his hands.
“Don’t.” I pointed my finger in his face. “Don’t you dare. You cheated.”
“I just wanted to make sure you won,” he said.
“Because you don’t believe in me!” Tears pooled in my eyes as some strange, uncontrollable mixture of anger and sadness took over all the processes of my body and mind. “You didn’t ever believe I could do this. I am done. Forget all of this.” I shouted as the sobs tried to drown out my voice. I turned to leave before stopping. “Why? Why did you have to come here? Why Cape Shore? Why did you have to come ruin my life?” I whispered with the last of my energy before walking out his door forever. I never ever wanted to see his face again.