Chapter Thirty-Three
Ah. Those are. Emotions.
Roman
The past few weeks have been a combination of the worst torture and the most beautiful bliss.
Tomorrow, my best friend marries my little sister. For the second time. After half a life of being practically married already. I’m happy Ruby came to her senses, and I’m happy Will is the sort of man worth coming to your senses over.
You would think, me being so happy for them and all, that I was taking this situation well.
I certainly thought I was taking it well, up until about half an hour ago when I picked up Ruby to bring her to stay in my spare room, formerly Will’s room, before he had a reason to go home after our movie nights.
It turns out, I was not “taking it well.
" I was, in fact, burying my feelings and completely ignoring their existence.
I find myself holding onto my tears by sheer force of will as I walk down the hall after getting my baby sister settled into bed, tired after a long day of work and pre-exhausted for tomorrow.
Our parents stayed behind at her house with Will, who thrives under their fussing and, when we left him, was bouncing around his house like a man possessed, finding vitality in the spaces where his wife finds only exhaustion.
Opposites attract. Very cute. Very meant to be.
A tear escapes the confines of my will, trickling over my eyelashes and landing on my cheek.
Stupid.
What did I expect? That she’d live with me forever? Be my Ruby, forever? I’ve been actively rooting for her to accept Will’s love—for her to love him back. And now that she does, I’m crying over it?
Selfish.
Will deserves her. She deserves him. I can’t think of anyone better for the two of them than each other. I can’t think of anyone better, period. Being sad because they’re experiencing love? What is that?
Is it because I don’t have what they have? Because the closest I have is something undefined, unclear, and unsure? Will spent years of his life in the undefined, unclear, and unsure. I’ve barely done a few months time. Begrudging him his love when he grew up with so little of it is just… bitter .
So I do the only thing I can think of to chase it away—I find something sweet.