Chapter 9 Alex
ALEX
THREE WEEKS LATER
The movement of our bodies was so suggestive and sexy, but what was even sexier was the way Judah looked at me.
The whiskey he had drunk impacted his heavy-lidded gaze that held me in a trance, and I found it hard to break my gaze away.
My hand felt so tiny and delicate in his as he took one step forward and then one step back.
His movements were easy and graceful, and I was glad to see that he was a quick study.
He spun me around, and when I turned back to face him, there was a longing in his gaze that snatched my breath away.
But when he performed a quick turn and faced me again, it was gone. I almost wondered if I had imagined it.
We had been back home in Georgia from Cancun for the last week. My brother and his wife, Tyra, flew from Cancun to Buenos Aires for the official honeymoon.
Judah returned to his construction management company, and I resumed planning other people’s fantasy wedding. I had been so busy that I hadn’t had time to do too much other than fall flat on my face at the end of the night. Spring was an extremely busy wedding season.
Last night, Judah called and invited me out on a date. He allowed me to choose our adventure, and I chose salsa dancing.
Whenever I went dancing, it was usually with a group of friends. I had yet to meet and date a man who was interested in dancing, but Judah welcomed the opportunity.
Throughout the last few weeks away from Judah, I thought about him often. I missed him more than I expected to, and I realized how much our time in Cancun had meant to me.
“Oooh! It’s hot in here.” I laughed and fanned myself after we finished.
“Let’s grab some drinks and get you a water,” he suggested.
“That sounds great.”
We returned to our table and placed our drink orders.
“So, how did you become involved in salsa dancing?”
“This is going to sound sooo corny.” I felt my face grow warm from embarrassment.
“This is a no-judgment zone.” He held his hands up.
“I was watching Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights with my mama, and she was fangirling over Patrick Swayze. She talked about how good he was in the original Dirty Dancing, and she talked about how he should have been able to portray his same character.
“I kept watching the movie, and I got caught up in the sensuality of the dance, and I wanted to do it. I took several classes, and the rest is history.”
“That’s cool. I’ve always loved to dance, but I have never thought about this style of dancing with heavy Hispanic influences. It is a sexy, but romantic style of dancing.”
“I’m glad that you enjoyed it,” I commented as our waiter returned with our drinks. “What held your interest before you returned to Georgia?”
“Being on the water, jet skiing, going to concerts, running, and playing basketball.”
“No wonder you’re so fit for your age,” I teased.
He reached across the table and touched the backs of my fingers. “Alex, be honest with me.” His tone grew serious.
“Always.”
“Is that a problem for you?”
“No, Judah.”
“What is it that you want from me, Alex?”
I sighed because that was an easy and difficult question. It was easy because I wanted him. He made me feel seen and cared about, and he was the only one who could make me laugh, even when I didn’t feel like it.
The difficult part was that although I wanted to be with him, I wasn’t sure how that would go over with our families and friends.
My identity was strongly tied to my family and to the approval of my parents.
I longed for my mother’s approval, especially, and though I had done a lot to disappoint her in younger years, I tried to shy away from doing so now.
“In the last few weeks, I’ve had time to think about my future.
Being so busy that I haven’t had time to date made me think about what I want, and it’s not to be always buried in work.
The time that we spent together at both weddings was good for me.
I enjoyed your company, felt safe, loved our talks, and I felt a sense of belonging with you.
“I want all the things, Judah. I want to spend time alone with you, go on dates with you, travel with you, and attend family gatherings with you. I want to explore this thing between us even more so that we can see where it might lead. When I think about the type of man I want to marry and build a family with, it’s you. ”
“I’m twelve years older than you. If I married you today and you had a baby nine months from now, when our kid turns ten, I will be fifty-five years old. When our kid turned eighteen and graduated, I will be sixty-three.”
“I don’t care. I just want them with you, if that’s what you want.”
“I want that with you, too, Alex. The difference is, I’ve had time to live my life. I know what’s out there, what to expect, and where I’m going. You’re only thirty-two; you haven’t lived much. What if you want something different five years from now?”
“I only want you, Judah. We may have only just recently become involved, but I’ve known you for years.
You’ve always presented a steady and strong presence in your family and in the lives of those you know, one that I have admired.
I was crushing on you from the day we met, even before I started liking Issachar, but you were too old for me then. ”
“And now?”
“Now, there are no barriers when it comes to age.”
“There’s just you and me,” he declared softly.
“I wish that were true. I worry about what my parents will say and how my brother will react. It’s not easy being the only girl and the youngest in the family, when they’ve always made my decisions.
Bucking against them about my choice of colleges, my degree, and my career path almost caused me to lose it.
As much as I want you, I know that my parents won’t approve, and I’m afraid of going down that road again. It will be challenging for me.”
“How so?”
“I was depressed for three years during college because they didn’t support my choices.
They all but cut me off. Every holiday, I returned home to find they had gone away without even telling me.
I spent most holidays alone or with friends.
Then I got over it in my senior year, but it happened again when I opened my business.
“I struggled through building my business without their support. It was lonely, and at times I was confused and had no guidance. I second-guessed my choices and often wondered if I was making the wrong one. With Kelli’s help, I made it through. I don’t think I can do that again.”
“Alex, this is your life. If you’re allowing them to dictate your choices and only doing what pleases them, are you living?
You’re drifting through life, barely existing to please people who can’t judge you in the end anyway.
You’re comparing yourself with scales that have been rigged from the start, and they always will be, because human judgment is faulty.
The only scales you should be using are the Lord’s. ”
I pressed my hands against my face and groaned. “Everything that you’re saying is right, but it’s also scary. I don’t want to drop into the dark well of depression again, and I don’t want to have to use meds to cope.”
“And you don’t have to, beautiful. All I’m asking you is to consider the beautiful possibility of you and me, the possibility of us. Do you think you can do that?”
“What if it doesn’t work out between us?”
“Listen, I’m gonna be honest with you. I’ll fight for you, if you fight for me. I can’t have you worrying about what mama, daddy, and brother are gonna say. I need a grown woman on my team, Alex. I’m willing to put in the work if you’ll meet me halfway. Take that leap of faith with me.”
I could hear the plea in his voice, and I realized that it wasn’t easy for him either. After going through a divorce, it had to be difficult to trust someone else with your heart again.
“Okay, I will.”
He grabbed my hands and kissed my knuckles. We finished our drinks, danced two more times, and then got up to leave the dance club.
We held hands down the sidewalk as people hopped from one bar to another and as patrons spilled out onto the sidewalk from restaurants. We laughed and talked as we headed to see the waterfall at the other end of the street, a few blocks away.
Two blocks from the waterfall, I barely had time to release his hand when I saw my parents, Jonathan, and Tyra. I didn’t have time to turn back or rush across the street because my brother spotted me.
“Alex, hey, there. What’re you—oh! Hey, Judah,” Jonathan greeted, looking questioningly at Judah beside me.
“Wassup, Jon. Mr. and Mrs. Sheridan. Hi, Ty.” Judah politely greeted everyone with a smile and my brother with dap.
Tyra smiled and waved. “Hey, Alex. Hey, Judah.”
“Hi, Ty. It’s good to see you again, sweetie.” We hugged each other, and then I pulled back.
“Hi, what’s going on here?” my mother was the first to ask, looking between Judah and me.
My father stepped forward and embraced me, kissing me on the cheek, and greeting me with a “Hey, baby girl. How are you?”
“I’m good, Daddy. So where are you guys coming from?” I asked.
“Flares. We were catching your parents up on everything over dinner,” Tyra explained.
“Alex, you’re going to act as though I did not just ask you a question?” my mother demanded, creating an uncomfortable environment.
"I uhm . . . nothing,” I lied.
“You spent an awful lot of time together at the resort for your brother’s wedding when you should have been hosting, and you’re here together now. I don’t understand.”
“Mama, I did a great job of hosting Jon-Jon’s wedding, and nothing is going on. I’ve been helping Judah plan an event,” I lied.
I cringed because I could feel Judah’s energy shift around me, and I felt so bad, especially after the conversation we just had. Unfortunately, I was feeling like that little girl again, looking for her mother’s approval.
“What sort of event? I thought you only did weddings,” Mama retorted.
“I usually do, but he’s planning a surprise wedding anniversary for his dad and stepmom, and he hired me to do it.”
My mother looked between the two of us again with her lips pursed. I could tell that she didn’t want to believe me, but she didn’t want to make a bigger scene.
“Give me a hug,” my mother commanded.
When I did, she whispered, “He’s too old for you, and he’s your ex’s brother. He’s old enough to be your father.”
I pulled back and muttered, “Not quite, Mama.”
Unfortunately, I could tell that everyone else heard because they were shifting uncomfortably.
“We uh, must be going. We’re going to miss the first act at the theater,” my father stated.
My mother gave me a harsh look, but my father grabbed her hand and pulled her away. Jonathan gave me a disgusted look as well before he turned to Judah. “Take it easy, man.”
“You too,” Judah replied before he turned to look at me. “You ready to go home?”
“Uhm, . . . sure.”
Neither of us bothered addressing the elephant in the room. Enough had been said for one night.