Chapter 11 Alex
ALEX
“Hey, you made it.”
“Yeah, I had to dodge lunch hour traffic, but I made it. Here, these are for you,” Judah greeted, handing me a bouquet of tulips.
“They’re gorgeous, and they smell so pretty,” I replied, accepting the flowers and sniffing them.
“You’re welcome.”
“Judah, thank you so much for changing up at the last minute. I’m sorry that I couldn’t get away to meet you for lunch. My last meeting ran over, and we had some issues with a vendor for a wedding next weekend.”
I closed and locked the door after Judah walked into my shop. I wasn’t expecting anyone else to show up for almost another hour.
“It’s no problem. I’m the one who had the last-minute idea to meet,” he replied, following me back to my office.
“It smells great. What did you get?”
“Soldiers,” he stated, holding up the bag from the popular African restaurant.
“Mmmm. I haven’t had anything from them in a while.”
While Judah went about setting our food out, I put the flowers in a vase and grabbed some sodas from the breakroom refrigerator, along with some paper plates, plastic forks, and napkins.
“Here you go.” I handed him some of the items I gathered and sat down at my desk.
He was sitting on the other side of my desk that I had cleared a few minutes before his arrival.
Although I was starving, I was a little concerned about what he wanted to discuss, which was making it difficult for me to eat.
My stomach was in knots because I sensed that it had something to do with me denying him in front of my family.
We hadn’t talked about it that night, and we hadn’t had many conversations since then. They were just brief calls and text messages to check on each other. I was worried that he would tell me that he didn’t want to see me again.
I really liked Judah, and I didn’t want him to walk out of my life. My actions had been playing on a loop through my mind for the past four days. Now that it was the middle of the week, I had been wondering if we would go out again this coming weekend or not.
“You are so sweet for doing this. Thank you, baby.”
“You’re welcome.”
We tucked into our food and ate for a while without talking. I was only taking small portions of my food because of the nervous energy swimming around my belly.
“So, Judah, what’s on your mind?” I asked, setting my fork aside and grabbing a paper towel to wipe my face.
“A lot.”
My stomach cramped. “Was it my denial the other night with my family?”
He sighed and set his food aside too.
“That’s a little of it, but there’s more. You know that I divorced Jessica, but you don’t know the details.”
“No, I don’t. I wondered what happened, but I didn’t want to push you on something you were clearly uncomfortable talking about.”
“I think you should know, and maybe it might clear up some of the misunderstanding between us.”
“I’m listening.”
“Jessica was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and compulsive sexual behavior disorder, or hypersexuality, prior to me meeting her. I knew about the bipolar disorder, and I was committed to working through that with her, but I wasn’t aware of the other.
“In time, it came out when I caught her cheating on me. I found some condoms in her car after she had been arrested for public indecency. I was prepared to leave her, but that was when she told me about the hypersexuality. I didn’t believe her at first until she put me in contact with her therapist and permitted her to tell me the truth.
We went to couples’ counseling, and I thought it was getting better.
Then I learned that she had joined an escort service and was still cheating on me; that shit was a wrap. ”
My heart dropped, hearing him tell me all this. I was hurting for Judah because he was such a good man, and he didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I now understood his reservations about Jessica at the wedding, but one thing was unclear.
“How does this relate to me?”
“Because like you, she wanted to have sex all the time.
Then she started wanting to have risky sex in strange places and risking being caught.
That was a turn-on for her, and she kept increasing the odds.
It would never be enough for her, because she was always looking to up the ante and make it even riskier.
“The way you wanted to risk getting caught by doing what you did on the sidewalk at the wedding and behind the tree were red flags to me. I don’t want to go through that with another woman again. Putting my health at risk and the strain and tension that it created on our relationship was too much.”
“I’m so sorry, Judah. I had no idea. If I had known, I never would have put you at risk like that. Will you forgive me?”
“Of course I do. I just needed the air to be clear between us.”
“It’s crystal clear,” she replied. “Is that all?”
“No. It bothered me when you lied to your parents. Alex, my feelings for you are growing quickly. I don’t feel about you the way I once did.”
“How do you feel about me, Judah?”
“I care about you a lot. I know that you are on my heart both day and night, and I want you around for longer periods of time. I guess what I’m trying to say, Alex, is that I’m vested in you, but I don’t know how you feel about me, not with the way you keep denying me in public.
If the only thing you want is sex, we need to go our separate ways because that’s not what I’m looking for. ”
“I feel the way that you feel, Judah. I have treated this all so cavalierly. It’s not because of what you think though. I have enjoyed having sex lately. I like and care about you a lot, and I’m sorry that I may have made you feel used and uncared for when you never made me feel that way.
“I enjoy sex, a lot. It had been a while since I had any. Mostly though, I’ve been trying to dispel any thoughts that your brother has planted in my head.
I also wanted to dispel any doubts that you may have had about me based on your brother calling me distant and callous.
I have no idea what else he may have said, but I’m a sexual being who loves making love. ”
He leaned forward and kissed me. “I haven’t had a conversation with my brother about you in the bedroom. I simply want to get closer to you and push our pasts aside. This is about ‘us,’ not them. Let’s focus on Alex and Judah, if that’s good with you.”
“It is.”
“Then trust your heart this time. I promise that I won’t let you down, and neither will your heart. Just give in to what you’re feeling.”
He leaned forward and kissed me gently. I can do this, I told myself. My family honestly didn’t matter in the scheme of things. I prayed that they would support me on this journey, but life held no guarantees.