Chapter 12
Beckham
“Beckham?”
The McAllister estate—or, what used to be the McAllister estate—is just a few yards away when I hear Ellery say my name. At first, I don’t answer. I am too busy standing on the sidewalk, taking in all of the changes she has made with her friend, Lena, over the past several weeks. Impressed at the way they managed to give the exterior a facelift while still keeping its historic integrity. Honestly, I don’t think I could have done better.
And the whole place is so quintessentially her.
Slightly edgy with new, matte black shutters and trim to contrast the red in the brick. Bright and happy with painted, oversized sunflowers decorating a teal blue front door. Eclectic like the mismatched patio furniture that somehow just works together.
“This looks amazing, Elle.”
“Thanks. I think so, too.”
Her soft voice comes from my left. When I turn my gaze toward her, she is standing a few feet away and watching me, a wariness in her eyes that I have never seen before. Ellery is the most open, trusting, and honest person I know. It kills me to see her so closed off.
And it’s completely my fault.
But I came to apologize. To lay everything out on the table. Hopefully, she is willing to listen.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
“I was wondering if, maybe…” My chest expands in a deep, fortifying breath. “Do you think we could talk?”
For a moment, there is silence. Nothing but the gentle rustle of the wind in the trees. She bites her lip, and I can already sense the rejection forming on the tip of her tongue.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“Please.”
One word. Just one word, but filled with every ounce of the guilt and regret I have been carrying around. Her defensive posture buckles under its weight. Her expression softens.
Then she gives me hope with a whisper. “Okay.”
Okay. Just like that.
That one word is a lit fuse that kicks her body into motion. She bolts up the stairs and through the front door. I follow at a slower pace, needing the extra time to gather my thoughts.
Now that I have her attention, I need to make it count.
The inside of the estate is just as unique and awe-inspiring as the outside, even with all the work still left to do. Before I can take it in, however, Ellery is leading me toward a set of quirky, oversized armchairs near the front window—one of the only areas that is finished. Sunlight is streaming through gauzy curtains when I turn back toward Ellery. The golden light dusts her skin as she curls herself into one of the chairs. I take the seat across from her.
Her hazel eyes are trained on mine, keeping me in her sight while I lower myself onto the cushion. They lack their usual warmth like she is afraid of what I might do if she lets her guard down.
I would give anything to put the twinkle back in them.
“Well?” Ellery crosses her arms. More armor meant to keep me out. “You wanted to talk, so talk.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” I say.
But, when I open my mouth to speak, I promptly close it again because my mind is a complete blank. Everything I planned to say is gone. By nature, I’m not a restless person, but for the first time, I feel like ants are crawling under my skin. I rub my palms on my thighs, trying to get rid of the sensation.
Frustrated, I mutter, “I’m no good with apologies.”
“That’s okay. I don’t need fancy words or big gestures.” Ellery’s voice is surprisingly gentle. “If you’re serious about saying sorry, don’t think about it. Just say what you feel.”
This woman. Here she is, trying to make me feel better when I’m the last person who deserves it. I would laugh if I didn’t feel so damn wretched.
Closing my eyes, I take a calming breath. Then my gaze returns to the woman across from me. “I am sorry. As little as it probably means, I’m so damn sorry for saying the things I said. And for pushing you away.”
“Then why did you?” The sadness in her voice guts me.
“Because I’m an asshole,” I admit. “Because of your brother. Because I want to protect you, even from me, and because you deserve so much more.”
“Beckham…”
“I mean it. You deserve to be happy, Ellery. Loved.” My words are fierce and earnest. “You deserve everything.”
“But…?”
“But, I don’t know if I have everything in me to give.”
My words linger in the air between us.
“I wish I didn’t understand, but I do.” Those aren’t the words I expected. I blink in surprise when she continues. “You have so much more to give than you think, but I can’t force you to see yourself the way I see you.”
Hesitant, I ask, “And how do you see me?”
She cracks a smile—just a small one—before she answers me. Only, she doesn’t answer in the way I expect. “It’s not something I could put into words.”
“So, what, you would have to paint me?”
Desire flits across her face. “Are you offering?”
I shake my head, but I’m smiling. Little minx…
Our good humor slowly bleeds out the longer we stare at each other. Suddenly, I know what I want to say, and I decide to take a chance. Leaning forward in my seat, I slowly reach toward Ellery, giving her plenty of time to pull away. Instead, she lets me take her hands in mine. I thread our fingers together. Then I start to speak.
“It scares me how much I want you.” My words are quiet at first but I gain strength as I go. “And I do want you, as much as I pretended otherwise.”
Ellery gently squeezes my palms, urging me to continue.
“I know I don’t deserve a second chance. But,” I hurry to add, “if you’ll let me, I’d like to try to make things up to you.”
Her lips twist into a pout. It’s so damn cute that I almost smile. “You are so much easier to be mad at when you’re being a jerk,” she grumbles.
But I see the fight starting to drain out of her. The hard lines of her stoic facade start to fade in the wake of my confession. Her hazel eyes have warmed, flickers of light dancing behind them. Her cheeks flush a pretty pink when I reach up and gently take her face in my hands.
That tiny spark of hope I felt before kindles.
“Please forgive me for being an idiot?” I ask.
She stares at me for several moments without speaking. I start to get nervous until a slow smile spreads across her face. “I think I can do that.”
“Thank fuck.”
She giggles at the relief in my voice. Then, placing her hands over mine, she holds me captive. Her gaze searches my face for something. Proof, maybe, that I am done running.
Her voice is so quiet that I almost miss her question. “What are we doing?”
“Having a conversation?” I offer.
“Don’t be a smart ass.”
“But you love it.”
Her lips twitch. “Sometimes. But, right now I’m being serious.”
She’s right, and she deserves an answer. What are we doing? Or, more accurately, what am I doing?
For once, I decide, exactly what I want to do.
Suddenly, I need to be closer. I slip my arms around Ellery’s waist, and she lets me tug her onto my lap. “I was wrong, you know,” I murmur against the column of her throat.
“Hmm?”
“About you and me. We were never a mistake. Nothing has felt more right.” I pull back slightly, wanting to see her face and watch her reactions. “The real mistake was thinking I could ever let you go. I want you far too much.”
With a shuddering exhale, the rest of her armor crumbles. The smile she turns my way is so bright that it’s almost blinding.
“I want you, too,” she says. “Always have.”
“Really?” My lips curve. “I thought I was like a brother to you.”
“God, no.” She snorts. “My feelings toward you have never been sisterly.”
“Are you saying you have naughty thoughts about me, shortcake?”
The wicked glint in her eye answers for me, even as she says, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
I would, actually—in excruciating detail—but now isn’t the time.
Instead, I lower my head to hers, sealing this deal of ours with a kiss. As soon as our lips connect, she overwhelms every one of my senses. With her tongue. With her scent. With her arms wrapped around my neck.
All I can see, hear, feel, taste, and smell is her.
When the need for air outweighs our need for each other, Ellery pulls back, panting. I watch the play of emotions on her face: happiness, desire—and worry. Her expression finally settles on determination.
Just as her hands reach up to cradle my face, she says, “No more running away, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I mean it,” she says bitingly. “No more making decisions for me, thinking you know best. No more taking your issues out on me. We’re a team now. If you get scared, or worried, or whatever, then you talk to me. This won’t work if we can’t trust each other.”
“I know. Just… be patient with me, yeah?” Her face softens at my words. “I’m going to mess up. A whole lot.“
“I can do that,” she replies. Then she pauses for a beat. “Besides, I’ve heard angry sex is hot, and makeup sex is even better.”
That startles a laugh out of me. Christ, this woman. She may look innocent, but the cheeky grin on her face is anything but.
“Don’t think we’ll have any problem in that department, shortcake.” Then my grin falls away with a sigh. “I’m no good at this kind of thing.”
“Only because you’ve never tried.”
The thing is, Ellery truly believes that. How many people in my life have given me that same blind devotion? Precious few. Until I picture one other person who, like Ellery, has always had my back. The sudden thought of Simon breaks the illusion that we are safe in our little bubble.
Even though I know we have to talk about him, I have trouble finding the words. So, I just blurt it out. “What are we going to do about Simon?”
“Oof.” Ellery cringes. “Starting with the hard questions.”
“We might as well get it out of the way.”
After a pregnant pause, she admits, “I don’t want to tell him.”
Her answer surprises me. I assumed she would want to tell Simon, even though it makes more sense to wait and see where this goes. But she bites her lip and her eyes cut over to mine like she is afraid I’m going to be angry.
“Not yet, I mean,” she hurries to add. “Just for a little while, then—”
“Hey.” I kiss her lightly to stop that train of thought from going off the rails. Then, with a smile, I say, “You don’t have to convince me, sweetheart. I grew up with your brother, remember? I know how protective he is of you.”
If Simon knew that his best friend—the same one who rarely takes a woman to bed twice, who has never bothered to date, who hates commitment—put his hands on his precious sister? And worse, wants to do it again and again? Dating be damned, he would bury me alive and not think twice. Hell, he would probably bury me alive, unearth me just before I run out of air, and then bury me again. And Simon is a cop. If anyone can get away with it, he can.
“Okay, so we’ve agreed.” She smiles hopefully. “Keep this between us for now?”
I wink and reply, “Absolutely. I’m happy to be your dirty little secret.”
Ellery gets a wicked glint in her eye. Her hands slide down my torso, slipping into the waistband of my jeans, using it to tug me close. My body goes rigid with anticipation.
“Dirty, huh?” She tilts her head up. Warm breath hits my ear when she whispers, “How dirty are we talking?”