20. Delilah #2
"No. I think you might choose nobody." His thumb brushes my cheek. "I think you might decide relationships aren't worth the risk and I'll lose you without anyone else being involved."
He's not wrong. That fear has crossed my mind more than once since Saturday.
"I'm not going anywhere," I say.
"You sure?"
"No. But I'm here right now." I cover his hand with mine. "That counts for something, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. It does."
We stand there in the basement of the house I used to share with my ex-husband, and I realize this is the last time I'll ever be here.
I should feel relieved. Triumphant. Free.
Instead I just feel sad.
"I really thought we'd raise kids here," I admit. "I picked out paint colors for nurseries. I imagined Sunday mornings with pancakes and cartoons. Birthday parties in the backyard."
Kane pulls me against his chest. I let the tears come this time. Not because I want Connor back—I don't—but because I wanted the future I thought we were building and it turned out to be a lie the whole time.
Kane doesn't tell me to stop crying. Doesn't try to fix it. Just holds me while I grieve the life I never actually had.
After a while I pull back and wipe my face. "Sorry."
"Don't be."
"I'm crying in a basement over a man I don't even like anymore."
"You're crying because you're allowed to be sad that he wasted your time." Kane tucks hair behind my ear. "That's not the same thing as wanting him back."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"I'm working on it." I take his hand. "Come on. Let's get out of here."
We climb the stairs and walk through the house one last time. At the front door I pause and look back.
Ten years. I spent ten years making this place a home for someone who was planning his exit the whole time.
I lock the door behind us and drop the keys in the realtor's lockbox.
"You okay?" Kane asks.
"Getting there."
We walk to the car. Stepan nods at us from the driver's seat but doesn't comment on my red eyes or Kane's protective hand on my back.
I climb in and Kane slips in next to me.
"Where to?" Stepan asks.
I don't answer right away. I should probably go to the bakery. Check on Priya. Review the contractor's schedule. Do something productive.
Instead I turn to Kane. "What are you doing for the Fourth of July?"
He blinks. "I hadn't thought about it."
"Do you usually do something?"
"Not really. Niko throws a thing at the yard sometimes but it's mostly an excuse to drink beer and blow shit up."
"Romantic."
"Yeah, it's a real Hallmark movie." He studies my face. "Why?"
"Because the Fourth is a holiday." I shift to face him fully. "And I was thinking maybe we could plan one together this time."
"Together?"
"Yeah. You and me. Instead of you arranging something and surprising me with it."
His expression softens. "What did you have in mind?"
"I don't know yet. We could push up the Poconos trip? Invite her and Zara. Maybe Niko and some of your guys too." I watch his face. "If you want."
"You want to spend the Fourth with my family?"
"I want to spend it with you." I muster a smile. "Your family just happens to come with the package."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah." I tuck myself closer to him. "Also, they're pretty great."
"What about your family?"
"What about them?"
"You don't want to see Leanne? Or Ed?"
I think about it. About my mother's house and Vivian's presence and the weight of expectations I no longer want to meet.
"No," I say. "I don't."
"You sure?"
"Very sure." I thread my fingers through his. "I want a day where I don't have to perform for anyone. Where I can just exist without wondering if I'm doing enough to justify being included."
"You never have to justify that with me."
"I know. That's why I want to spend it with you."
Kane lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. "Poconos it is."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. But I have one condition."
"What's that?"
"I want to spend the day being your boyfriend." His eyes search mine. "Not your ally or your business partner or the guy you're sleeping with while you figure out whether you trust me. Your boyfriend."
My breath hitches.
He asked me that once before. In January, at the bakery, when I announced it to a room full of customers like it was nothing.
That was before Palm Sunday. Before the fire. Before I woke up in a basement.
It hits different now.
But it still makes my stomach flutter.
"That's what you want?" I ask.
"That's what I want."
I should make a joke. Deflect. Give myself space to retreat if this goes sideways.
Instead I say, "Okay."
"Okay?"
"I want that too."
He smiles. "Good."
He pulls me closer and kisses me there in the back seat of his town car with Stepan trying very hard not to pay attention.
When we finally break apart, I'm breathless, my face is hot, and I'm pretty sure I'm grinning like an idiot.
"We should probably go," I manage.
"Probably."
Neither of us moves.
After a minute Stepan clears his throat. "Boss?"
"The bakery," Kane says without taking his eyes off me. "We're going to the bakery."
"Yes, sir."
The car pulls away from the curb. I watch the house disappear in the side mirror and feel something loosen in my chest.
I'm ready to leave it behind.
I'm ready for whatever comes next.
And for the first time in longer than I can remember, I'm not doing it alone.