10. Chapter Ten #2
McKenna nodded. “Totally. It’s just… this place is different, you know? Right now, we can be exactly what we are, without hiding it or apologizing. But once we get back home…”
“Savannah,” I said.
“And Debbie,” Bailey chimed in. “And, just… all of it.”
McKenna nodded. “It’s chaotic enough with you and Bailey sneaking around,” she explained.
“And look—I’m not trying to be what Bailey is.
I want to be really clear about that, because I feel like every piece of media in the last ten years portraying a situation like this has the other girl get obsessed or weird, and that’s totally not my thing.
Bailey’s the endgame. Anybody with eyes can see that. ”
“I don’t have a problem with you and Tom,” Bailey said, the ribbon around her throat flexing as she sipped her coffee. “I’m sure we can work something out. It’s a big house.”
“The thing is, I’d sooner chew my own arm off than get between you two.
” She shrugged, the deflection and the snark creeping back in at the edges.
“I just want in on the fun parts, okay? More stuff like this. Hotel rooms. Getaways.” She grinned wickedly.
“Maybe the next time Tom goes on a business trip, we can stow away with him and be ready to give him stress relief whenever he wants.”
Good Lord.
“McKenna,” Bailey said quietly. “You don’t have to pretend that you don’t want this.”
“Oh, I want this,” she said, laughing. “I want as many nights like last night as I can get. I just…”
She trailed off, staring out the window. Thinking.
McKenna could deny it all she wanted. She could say the word ‘casual’ until her face was as blue as the button-down that now belonged to Bailey, she could insist that she saw Bailey and I as the real couple and anything else as just extracurricular fun.
But I saw that look in her eyes.
And I knew that underneath the jokes and the competitiveness and the carefully constructed too-cool-to-care persona was a girl who wanted me to hold onto her and never let her go. Who wanted to be part of my life every bit as desperately as Bailey did.
My babygirl didn’t love me more than McKenna. She was just more honest about it.
McKenna cleared her throat. “So what is your endgame?” she asked, too coy by half. “Are you two gonna get married or what?”
Bailey froze, the coffee halfway to her lips. Her free hand went to the ribbon around her throat, and her eyes were filled with so much naked longing that my heart jumped into my throat.
“McKenna,” I said sternly. “We have talked about this—”
“Yeah, but that was before last night,” the auburn-haired coed countered without missing a beat.
“Before I saw the way my best friend worships you. Before I saw the way you worship each other.” She let out a laugh.
“Honestly, if you two don’t end up hitched, there’s no hope for romance left in this world. ”
“Last night did not change any of the reasons that cannot happen,” I said, hating every word.
Because deep down, I didn’t believe that. Or I did, but I wanted desperately to find a way around those obstacles. Arguing with McKenna about this felt wrong in a way our earlier conversation hadn’t, and it was all because of the revelation I’d had last night.
“We can help you,” McKenna insisted. “We’re a team, Mr. C. We can talk to Savannah—”
“No,” I snapped. “She can never know about any of this.”
“You’re both so tired of hiding this,” McKenna said, undaunted. “Bailey wants to buy a billboard. I just want to have a conversation—”
“You think I haven’t thought about this!? That I don’t want it?”
The anger in my voice caught McKenna off guard. Her mouth snapped shut.
I sighed, looking from one girl to the other.
Neither of them understood—not the way that I did.
“Savannah’s life exploded nine months ago,” I said.
“Her mother detonated this family, and the one thing—the only thing—that has stayed constant in her life is me. Her boring, dependable dad.” I swallowed hard.
“If she finds out that I’m in a relationship with the person she’s called her best friend since the sixth grade, all that goes out the window.
I don’t get to stay the good guy after that.
Debbie… Debbie already betrayed her. If I do it too, then what the hell does she have left? ”
McKenna licked her lips. Next to me, Bailey had gone very quiet and very still.
“I’m not getting married again,” I said, wishing like hell I was saying anything else.
“None of this gets to be out in the open. We keep it behind locked doors and enjoy it in hotel rooms with soundproof walls, and we leave separately and get our stories straight ahead of time for when people ask questions. That’s the deal.
I’m sorry that’s the deal, but it’s the only one that’s on the table. ”
I hated it. I hated it so much.
I sounded like the old Tom. The one who’d spent twenty-one years talking himself out of wanting things and was now planning to spend the rest of his life sneaking around his own house like a fucking thief.
The truth was obvious, so plain it ought to have been written on my face—I wanted this woman.
I wanted to put a ring on Bailey’s finger, to spend every morning waking up beside her without a cover story.
I wanted to flirt with her across a dinner table without checking to make sure we weren’t in anyone’s line of sight, first.
And, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted McKenna to be part of that.
I have almost everything a man could want, I thought, looking around the room where I’d just had the best night of my life. Almost.
Almost would have been a miracle to the Tom Cottrell who’d been married to Debbie.
This Tom took one look at it and tried to figure out how he could get what really mattered.
“Okay,” McKenna said at last, subdued. “Yeah, no, you’re right. I know you’re right, I just—” She threw up a hand, frowning deeply. “Sorry, Bailes.”
“It’s fine,” Bailey whispered.
I turned. Bailey was staring intensely out into the middle distance, her brow furrowed in thought. She didn’t look like she was about to tell me I was right. She looked, in point of fact, like she’d been reading my thoughts even as a bunch of traitorous words spilled from my lips.
“I know it’s crazy, Daddy,” she said, a mad little giggle spilling into her coffee.
“I know that we haven’t been together for nearly enough time to even consider something like that, even though I feel like I’m so ready for it.
I’m not going to pressure you into it, and I would never do anything to hurt your relationship with Savannah.
” She looked up at me. “But can I say something? Something that I would’ve been way too scared to say like three weeks ago? ”
Her words melted my heart. “You say whatever you need to say, babygirl.”
Bailey nodded. “You said you’re afraid of betraying Savannah by doing something she might not agree with,” she said, squaring her courage.
“But if that’s your metric, then you betrayed her the second you saw me standing in the hallway outside of your hotel room and didn’t shut the door in my face.
The second you did what you wanted instead of what you’re supposed to.
” Tears beaded in the corners of her eyes.
“And Daddy, you did not betray anyone that night. Least of all Savannah.”
“Babygirl—”
“The old Tom wouldn’t have stood up for me at the dinner table,” she said, cutting me off.
“The old Tom wouldn’t have told Savannah what you did about her being Debbie’s maid of honor—both of us know you would’ve fallen all over yourself assuring her it was alright, making your own needs small and hating yourself for it the whole time.
The old you would’ve watched her walk down the aisle in support of Debbie’s new marriage pretending it was okay, then gone home and cried into your pillow all night.
” Her hands trembled around the coffee. “You’re becoming a different man.
And I think Savannah needs that man to be her dad more than she needs the guy who was dependable. And boring. And harmless.”
I made a noise like I’d been punched in the gut.
Bailey’s cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that—”
“Babygirl, don’t apologize,” I said, my tone making it a command. “That’s the exact right word.”
It cut me to the quick. Because that’s exactly the mode I’d spent my whole marriage living inside of. Do no harm. Make no trouble. Always be convenient and available.
“I don’t need a ring,” Bailey finished, still blushing.
“If you want to keep me your sweetheart secret, then I’ll gladly swear an oath of silence.
Every day I get to spend with you is a gift, and that’s true whether anybody knows about it or not.
” She paused, swallowing. “But I don’t think that’s what you want, Daddy.
I think if you’re being honest with yourself, you want me to be your wife even more than I do. ”
I stared at her in disbelief. How the hell did a girl half my age know me even better than I knew myself?
I want to marry this girl. I’m going to find a way to make it happen.
“Babygirl…”
Bailey let out a laugh. “Look at me, turning this morning all serious.”
“You fucked her so good she heard wedding bells,” McKenna said, trying to defuse the tension.
“I’m sorry I brought it up. You’re both right—it’s way too early to even think of anything like that.
I mean, why mess with a good thing?” She glanced from me to Bailey and back.
“Can we be cool? Reload the checkpoint?”
It was the video game joke of all things that made me laugh. “You picked the wrong dialogue option?” I asked.
McKenna laughed, too. “Majorly. Bailey, how about we kiss and make up…”
The auburn-haired coed crawled across the bed and pressed her lips to Bailey’s. The last of the awkwardness dissolved as their mouths opened, my babygirl’s tongue sliding past her best friend’s teeth as a little whimper spilled from her throat. God damn I am a lucky man, I thought.