10. Sean
TEN
SEAN
I tell myself I’m fine.
I’m so far from fine, it’s not even funny.
My phone is a live grenade on the counter, and every time it lights up, my stomach drops like it’s going to hit the floor.
Sean
Okay, boyfriend.
I’ll come
My own words stare back at me from the thread like evidence. The worst part is the second Emiliano called me his boyfriend, my body went warm in a way that had nothing to do with sex. Like something in me finally unclenched and went, “Yes. That. That’s what you want.”
Then my brain followed right behind with its favorite hobby: fear.
New York and the series with the Yankees starting on Friday. All the cameras then his family. My family and him being here for Easter.
My phone buzzes again and his last text makes me miss him even more. I hate him for being sweet, and I hate myself for wanting it. I lock my phone and drop it facedown like that’ll keep my heart from doing stupid things.
It doesn’t. Pacing my apartment, I stop at the window and stare out at the courtyard like answers are hiding in the landscaping.
San Jose is loud with normal life. People walking dogs.
Someone on a balcony watering their plants.
A couple holding hands like it’s nothing, like it’s easy, like love doesn’t come with a price tag.
I could call my mom right now.
I could do the thing I always do, the preemptive strike. The softening. The “Hey, just so you know,” that always sounds like I’m apologizing for existing.
My thumb hovers over her contact.
Then my group chat pings.
David
You alive? Don’t forget Easter RSVP. Mom’s already planning her “Sean is home” menu.
I exhale, and start to type.
Sean
Yeah I’ll be there.
I’ll be bringing someone too.
A knock hits my door, sharp and impatient, before I can catch the text bubble where I’m sure my brother is typing like a madman.
I check the peephole and see Kai.
Awesome! Just what I need.
I open the door, and he barges in like my apartment is community property, followed by Gael, Jackson, and Andres. Brooks and Mike aren’t with them this time, which is honestly suspicious.
Kai points at me immediately. “We need you.”
I blink. “Hi to you too.”
“Hey, Sean,” Gael sighs.
Jackson gives me a look, soft but knowing. Andres’ gaze flicks over me like he’s taking inventory, like he can tell I haven’t eaten a real meal and I’m holding my anxiety by the throat.
Kai claps his hands once. “Okay. Settle a debate.”
My stomach drops. “What debate?”
Kai grins. “Who’s the bigger asshole: umpires or pitchers?”
“You came to my apartment for that?”
“Yes,” Kai says with complete sincerity. “This is important.”
Gael mutters, “It’s not important.”
Kai ignores him. “And before you say ‘pitchers,’ remember Brooks and Jake are pitchers, and we love them.”
Jackson snorts. “Do we?”
Andres’ mouth twitches. “We love Jake and tolerate Brooks.”
I should laugh, and I do laugh a little, because it’s impossible not to. But the sound fades fast because my phone is still on the counter, and my whole body feels like it’s buzzing.
Kai flops onto my couch, and Gael takes the chair like he’s the only adult here. Jackson and Andres sit close, knees brushing like magnets.
I look away too quickly.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice gentle.
“I’m fine,” I say automatically.
Andres tilts his head. “You look like you’re about to throw up.”
“Love that for me,” I snort.
Kai points at me. “See? That’s what I mean. Umpires don’t make you look like that.”
Gael leans back, arms crossed. “Sean,” he says, and the way he says my name makes me freeze. Not because it’s harsh, but because it’s calm.
Gael doesn’t do drama. Which means when he’s serious, it lands.
“What?” I snap too quickly.
“You wanna share what the fuck’s up your ass, or should we start guessing?”
“Oh… I know what’s up his ass.” Kai interjects. “Pick me.”
Everyone ignores him, but all eyes are on me. I hate that my throat tightens. Hate that my first instinct is to argue with them and deflect, to turn it into a joke.
Jackson’s voice goes soft. “Have you eaten today?”
“I had a protein shake,” I mutter.
Andres makes a sound like he’s personally offended. “That’s not food.”
Kai sits up straighter, eyes narrowing. “Are we having a secret intervention right now?” He shoots up from the couch and starts. “Sean, we’re all here because we love you…”
“No,” Gael says. “We’re having a ‘Sean is being a dumbass’ moment.”
“Oh, those are my favorite.” Kai flops back down.
I flip him off.
Jackson’s eyes stay on mine. “Is this about him?”
My chest goes tight. My mouth opens. Nothing comes out.
Andres’ gaze sharpens. “Him?”
Kai’s eyes light up like fireworks. “OH. ARE WE GOING BACK TO THE METS GUY?”
I swear to God, if my face gets any hotter, I’m going to burst into flames.
Gael groans. “Kai.”
“Spill the tea, bitch,” Kai points. “And no skipping the details.”
I shake my head hard. “No.”
Andres’ tone stays calm, but there’s steel underneath it. “You don’t have to tell us details, Sean. But sometimes it helps to talk things out with your friends. Even if one of them is an annoying asshole.”
“I resent that,” Kai scoffs. “I’m a fucking delight.”
I look down at my hands and realize I’m clenching them so hard my knuckles are white.
Jackson leans forward slightly. “So what’s the deal? You worried about family or the world?” he says.
“Family. I can deal with the world… the world doesn’t fucking matter. But my family does.” I sigh, running my hands through my hair.
“You just have to do it,” Jackson says.
I laugh, broken. “That’s easy for you to say.”
Jackson doesn’t flinch. “No, it wasn’t.”
Silence drops in my apartment for half a second. Even Kai shuts up. Jackson’s eyes flick to Andres, then back to me.
“I was terrified,” Jackson admits quietly. “Not of the team. Not of the world. Of my dad.”
My throat tightens, and Andres’ hand slides over Jackson’s knee, grounding him.
“Granted, I don’t have the whole religion thing, but I have a very homophobic father who disowned my sister when she came out. Coming out publicly was hard. If he knows—and he definitely does—he hasn’t said a word to me about it.” Jackson gives Dre a small smile. “Dre was worth the fear.”
It shouldn’t make me ache, but it does.
Gael speaks softly, like he’s careful with me. “Whatever you were taught, faith isn’t supposed to make you hate yourself, Sean.”
They don’t get it.
Kai frowns, suddenly less chaotic than before. “And if your family has a problem,” he says, voice rougher and more serious than usual, “then that’s their problem. Not yours.”
My stomach twists. “It’s not that simple.”
Andres nods once, like he understands. “No. It’s not.”
He looks at Jackson for a beat, then back at me.
“But sometimes you have to give love a chance to surprise you,” Andres says. “You’re assuming the worst outcome because it feels safer to grieve it ahead of time.”
“You don’t know my parents.”
“I know Catholics,” Andres says dryly.
“Same.” Gael chuckles.
That pulls a laugh out of Jackson, and even Gael’s mouth twitches.
I drag a hand down my face, exhausted. Can’t I just not be brave for five seconds?
“My family is harassing me about being home for Easter next weekend,” I say finally, voice rough. “They’re… texting about ushering and menus and… like I’m still the same person they think I am.”
Gael nods. “But you are the same person.”
I shake my head. “No. I’m… I’m different.”
Jackson’s voice is gentle. “Still the same person. Just because you’re now painfully aware of your sexuality doesn’t make you any different.”
My phone buzzes facedown on the counter like it’s listening. The man who crossed the country just to sit in my apartment until I said the truth out loud is on the other side of that screen.
“I agreed to go to meet his family while we’re in New York this weekend,” I say, barely above a whisper.
Kai’s eyes go wide. “YOU’RE MEETING HIS FAMILY!”
“Shut up, Kai.”
Kai is already vibrating. “Oh my God. We need to make sure you look amazing. Is it like the whole family? Are we talking like a carne asada type deal?”
“He didn’t say. He just wants me to meet his family while I’m there. He said it’ll be… practice. Before I tell mine.” I look down at the floor while I say the next part. “He’s introducing me as his boyfriend.”
Kai leans forward, elbows on his knees. “Okay,” he says, suddenly focused. “And how do you feel about it?”
I force out a laugh. “Like I’m going to throw up.”
He nods like that’s a valid answer. “Means he matters.”
I stare at him. “That’s the worst motivational speech I’ve ever heard.”
“The words you’re looking for are ‘thank you.’”
Andres stands up. “Okay, you need to eat.”
I blink. “What?”
He points toward my kitchen. “We’re not leaving until you eat some real food.”
“I hate all of you,” I mutter.
Jackson smiles. “No, you don’t.”
Gael adds, calm as ever, “We can order food from my mom. If we all don’t eat something, Camila will send a voice memo threatening us.”
At the mention of Camila, Kai perks up. “Camila lives with Will now, right? Why aren’t we at their place? She’d actually cook.”
Gael gives him a look. “Because you’re loud and I’m sure they’re doing other things.”
Kai looks personally offended. “Rude.”
I stare at them, at my team, at the way they’ve somehow become family without requiring me to be anything other than me, and my chest aches so hard I have to look away.
Maybe… maybe I’m not going to be alone.
I open my family’s chat and read the thread.
Mom
You’re bringing someone home for Easter?
Dad
Do we get to know her name before we meet her?
David
Sean, get back here and spill the beans!
Be brave.
Sean
His name is Emiliano.
I hit send and then silenced the notifications.
I’m gonna throw up.