27.Luca
Luca
“Where the hell did you find this?” I ask, unable to hide the frustration and sadness that’s been weighing on me these past few hours.
My heart is pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to tear through my chest at any second as I look again at my mother’s gold locket.
There’s a burning in my throat, and for the first time in a long while, I struggle against a tear that’s about to fall.
Damn it, I’m sending Alin away so I can breathe and function as I should, and instead I’m just sinking deeper. Alin’s gaze pierces through me even without lifting my eyes from the pendant. “When I was swimming, it was on the seabed of a coral reef,” she answers in a weak, distant voice.
All the money we spent over the years to find a trace of her body in the sea, every sign, everything she left behind, only to find nothing. And now, the woman driving me insane hands me something I’ve been waiting for all my life, as a farewell gift?
Mom, what are you trying to tell me? Do you want me to lose my mind completely?
“Luca, say something. You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” I hear Alin’s voice, as if she’s miles away, but the gentle touch of her fingers on my shoulder burns my skin, confirming her closeness.
“My little man went all out on his own birthday and got me a gift? I must have the best son in the whole world. I’ll never take it off. I love you, my little prince.”
My mother’s tearful glance when I gave her this necklace floods my mind, accompanied by a wave of nausea and a tingling in my throat. My stomach churns.
“Luca?” Alin’s familiar voice reaches my ear again.
“You don’t belong here anymore. You can leave,” I reply in a dry voice. I need silence. I need to be alone. I need to breathe!
The sound of her footsteps hurrying out make the burning in my chest intensify, and my breath catches when the door slams shut, followed by the loudest silence I’ve ever experienced.
A tear suddenly falls directly onto my name engraved on the back of the locket.
Am I crying? I can’t fall apart. I need to pull myself together!
Because of my irrational worry for Alin, I left Mariano alone today to deal with a big dealer, in an effort to replace Angelo.
Without a second thought, I walked away and left my brother to handle it alone when Abert reported Alin’s missing.
The thoughts racing through my mind about all the people who could have kidnapped her, abused her, killed her–I lost my head.
I left everything and betrayed my role to search for a woman who can apparently take care of herself very well in this world.
I can’t breathe when she’s not by my side, but I can’t perform my duties properly when she is. Now, after tearing us both apart, she comes back with the only proof of my mother’s death?
I lie back on my bed, grateful for the first time that Alin’s scent doesn’t linger on the sheets in my room, and open the locket to look at the now faded picture of my mother.
“There’s no place for tears here, no place for weakness!
Channel your pain into revenge,” my father’s voice still echoes in my ears from the day of my mother’s funeral.
We buried a box with a picture and the engagement ring my father gave her that she kept safe in her closet.
I didn’t understand what he meant then; I was only three. But now, it’s a whole different story.
I’ve found my weakness, and here, there’s no place for that.
“Mom, what am I supposed to do?” I ask the locket in a whisper, as if the answer will come from it. I feel like the little boy whose mother left him again.
“Luca, don’t listen to your father’s nonsense. Only when you find your weakness will you discover how much strength you have. Always keep the people you love close to you. Don’t let our bloody world control you like it controls your father. You deserve better.”
I remember the day she came to put me to bed after my father gave me a whole lecture about becoming the capo in the future and how there’s no place for weakness.
After all these fucking years, you’re sending me a sign now, Mom? And with Alin?
I sit up, my gaze turning to the closed door of the room as the sound of wheels rolling on the floor from the guest room reaches my ears. Reality hits me again–she’s really leaving.
I take another look at the locket and run my hands through my hair in frustration.
“Fuck it!” I curse under my breath as I stride toward the door, putting the necklace around my neck. Mom, you’d better be right.