Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
NATE
How the hell did I become the bad guy?
I slam my cabin door shut and thrust my fingers in my hair. Fuck . How did I screw up so badly? I should have known better than to bring a gun into Mackenzie’s house without permission, but I didn’t think twice about it. Her late husband was an Army Ranger, for fuck’s sake. Shouldn’t she be used to them? I assumed Ethan owned an arsenal from how he bragged about his guns.
Okay, pointing the gun at her brother may have crossed a line, but how would I have known who he was? The guy broke into the house. But still, of all times for her to come home, it had to be the moment I aimed.
Fuck!
I grab a cold longneck from the mini-refrigerator and take a long pull. Glancing around the small space, I feel lost until my gaze lands on Ethan’s letter. I snatch it from the bedside table and stalk to the couch. Sinking into the cushions, I take another drink and read the letter, starting where I left off the other day.
. . . I know you hate lying, but hear me out. In three months, you’ll be re-upping. Before you commit to the maximum number of years, take some time off and do me a solid. Check on my wife and kids. I know you’ve never met them, but Mackenzie’s a good mom despite every complaint I’ve uttered. She’s strong and will be okay. It’s the period between now and then that keeps me awake. She doesn’t have anyone to look after her. That’s partially my fault since I’m a selfish bastard. The only way I know to make it up to her is to send you.
Here’s where the lying comes into play. This has to be a covert mission. I know my wife. If she finds out I asked you to be there, her stubborn ass will demand you leave. That’s just her way. So even though lying—even if it’s by omission—goes against your nature, you must keep your identity a secret. Mackenzie needs protection whether or not she realizes it. She’ll buck you if she finds out. Please honor this wish. Besides, your being there is temporary. Trust me. You’ll be long gone before she reads the letter I’ve written to her.
I wouldn’t ask anyone else for this, but I trust you. You’re a standup guy. There aren’t too many people I’d put my life on the line for. And I’m an army ranger. My creed is for my band of brothers, but you know I only want the best when it comes to family. That’s why I’m asking only you to take care of her.
One last thing. Don’t worry if you fall in love with her. She’s easy to love. That’s how I got trapped.
Until we meet again, brother.
Ethan
I fold the letter and toss it on the end table. Rubbing my knees, I stare at nothing and feel like my life is a giant battlefield and I’ve lost sight of my commander and team. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost control. “Ethan, I’m trying here. But I don’t know if I can do it.”
I wake to rapid knocking. Scrubbing my hand over my face, I glance at my phone. Six o’clock. Who on earth would be here this early? I throw on a pair of black running shorts but don’t bother with a shirt. Whoever it is, their pounding is loud enough to wake the entire row of cabins. I snatch the gun from the bedside table and glide across the floor to the door. The moment I peek through the peephole, I lower the weapon.
“I’ll be right there,” I say to a much calmer Mackenzie than the one who yelled at me last night. Once the gun is safely out of sight, I open the door, and my breath nearly stills. Eyes, the same shade as the green sea glass found along Bermuda’s Black Bay Beach, lock onto mine, filled with regret and conflict.
“Hey.” Her soft voice glides over me. The way her eyes widen and darken with lust as they rake over my chest has me wishing I grabbed that shirt. Not that I don’t enjoy her appreciation, but these shorts are too thin and will reveal exactly what that look does to me.
“Hey,” I finally respond.
Mackenzie lifts a cup of coffee toward me. “I come with a peace offering. I, uh, need to apologize for my behavior last night.”
Her eyelashes sweep across her cheeks as if in shame before those beautiful green orbs meet mine again. My hand tightens around the door handle for support. For someone who prides himself on being strong, I sure feel weak.
I swing the door wider, allowing her in, and clear my throat. “Thank you, but that’s not necessary. I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be okay with me packing. ”
“I hate guns.”
Considering her circumstances, I find her statement odd, but I remain quiet, giving a reassuring nod.
She lets out a stuttering breath and starts wringing her hands. “I, uh, never told you about my husband.”
My mouth dries despite the sip of coffee I took. I knew this conversation was coming, but all the knowledge didn’t prepare me more.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” I motion toward the dated couch. She nods and takes my offer, still twisting her hands. I could end her apprehension by telling her I already knew her circumstances. That I already knew how her husband had died. I don’t understand why Ethan wants me to remain silent. Or how keeping my identity a secret helps, but I feel compelled to follow his wishes. I owe him that much. So, instead of telling the truth, I offer her bottled water.
“I never told you I’m a widow. You may have already found out since this town doesn’t keep secrets, but my husband, Ethan, was in the army. He, uh . . .” She closes her eyes and takes another deep breath as if that motion alone will summon all the encouragement she needs to continue. “He was on a mission in Afghanistan. Something went wrong, and he ended up getting shot. The injury was fatal.”
I’m such a prick. I sit here like a dickhead while she struggles to explain the truth I already know. It’d be so easy to come clean to her. To lay everything out there and put her at ease. Damn you, Ethan, for putting me in this situation.
“I was never a big gun person.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “Sort of stupid of me to marry an army brat, but that’s what I did. Having guns in the house was the biggest source of our fighting. He wanted an arsenal. I didn’t want any, but I knew that was too much to ask. I demanded he kept them locked up. If our boys ever got ahold of them”—a shudder works through her body—“I’d never forgive myself. Anyway, I went a little ballistic on you. Seeing the gun brought back too many bad memories. I know you were just protecting my kids. I’m so sorry. ”
“I’m sorry about your husband. I knew he had passed.” It’s the only truth I can offer, but it doesn’t lessen the sting of my betrayal. My gaze slides over her shoulder and lands on Ethan’s letter on the end table. My heart nearly stops. No, no, no. She cannot discover his letter. Or worse, read his words. It would cause more harm than good. Besides, Ethan’s right. When her mom returns in a few weeks, I’m gone. Although, it may be sooner than I thought since her brother is back. My time is no longer needed. But damn, when those expressive eyes stare up at me with her slightly upturned nose that’s splattered with freckles, I’m not sure how to feel about that.
I swallow past the lump of confusion forming in my throat. “Trust me. There’s no need to apologize. I understand.”
“It’s no excuse. Ethan used to hate it when I’d go ballistic. He’d call me a crazed bitch.”
I feel my eyebrows rise in shock. I don’t understand how Ethan could call her that. Based upon what I’ve seen, if bitch and saint were balancing scales, she would tip it toward sainthood.
Mackenzie must pick up on my sudden demeanor change because she quickly responds, “Not that often, I swear. But he never understood my position on anything. That’s why I’m finishing up nursing school now. One, I need a good job, but also, it’s because I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. Ethan wouldn’t let me.” She sets the bottle down by the letter. I watch her hand graze over the paper. I clench my coffee cup tighter to keep from snatching the damn thing up.
“He wouldn’t let you?” I ask, seemingly confused. Why would it have been up to him if she worked?
“No. Ethan said my job was raising the kids. He didn’t want to be bothered with any responsibility when he came home from deployments. If I had a job, he would have to help more. I went behind his back and took some online classes. That’s how I started in the nursing program so quickly.”
“Why didn’t you continue?”
“He found out. That led to our second biggest argument.” She shakes her head. “I’m so weak. I wouldn’t be in this situation if I had stood up for myself and finished school. Working and studying is taking up my time, and I feel like I can’t be there as a mom.”
“I think you’re doing a great job.” I mean that wholeheartedly. The woman lost the love of her life and went back to school. Raising two kids alone while juggling work and school isn’t easy. She’s a lot stronger than she gives herself credit.
“Thanks. I’m trying, but it would be easier if the government sent me the money they owe me. Then, I wouldn’t have to work full time.”
“What do you mean? Hasn’t the army paid you the death gratuity?” I clamp my mouth shut, trying to rein in my temper and not come off too knowledgeable. But damn, I figured she would have received it by now.
“No, there’s some bullshit clerical error delaying payment. I mean, come on. Hit the transfer button already.” She blows out a frustrated breath. “Between that and a worthless insurance policy, I’m stuck. But that’s not your problem.”
The fuck it’s not. It’s good that I didn’t leave town when I contemplated it. Before I can respond, Mackenzie shakes her head and speaks.
“Now, Liam wants to sign up for soccer. I promised he could, but I don’t know where I’ll find the time. I’m going to either miss his games or practices. Maybe both. When Mom returns from her trip, I’ll have more help, but until then, I just don’t know.”
“What about your brother? He’ll surely help out.”
“He’s flighty. I can’t trust him alone with the kids for too long. And I definitely can’t have him driving them. Too many DUIs for my taste.”
I stave off my flinch. Shit. I didn’t get a good vibe from the creep, but I figured that was because he broke into the kitchen window. What type of person breaks into a home as a joke? “That’s what I’m here for. That is if you still trust me.”
Her bright green eyes bore into mine. “I trust you. I probably shouldn’t, but you haven’t given me any reason not to. Just, please don’t pack when you’re around me. ”
“Okay.” I won’t like it, but I can agree if that’s what she wants.
She blinks in surprise. “You don’t mind that request?”
“No. If that’s your wish, then I have no problem complying.”
Her mouth gapes. “Ethan would never . . .” She shakes her head. “No, it doesn’t matter. I appreciate that. Thank you.”
The best I can do is nod as Mackenzie grabs her water and takes a sip. Ethan’s letter lies there, mocking me. His subtle reminder that I’m no better for her, either.
“Going back to school is the last thing I should do right now.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Now is as good a time as any.” I can’t believe Ethan was against her continuing her education. He led me to believe she was demanding and hardheaded. I didn’t realize she was only trying to stand up for herself. Jesus, Ethan. How could you have been so blind?
“I don’t know. Maybe Ethan’s right, and I should be there for my kids. It’s a tough time for them. I’m sure there’s a local job that pays more than Brewed and is better suited to the kids’ schedule.”
“Hey, don’t think that. You’re improving yourself. Nothing against stay-at-home moms if that’s their choice, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed for following your dreams.”
Appreciation coats Mackenzie’s gaze, and I swear, warmth floods my entire body. I don’t understand this visceral reaction to her. Her soft smile reveals the vulnerable side she tries so hard to hide, but I see her. Every little piece. She’s the first to break our connection. She glances around the room, taking in my belongings. “How long are you planning on staying in Naperville?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.”
She tilts her head to the side and studies me. “What do you do for a living?”
I contemplate what to say, finally settling on freelance.
“What’s your reason for settling in Naperville?”
You. I want to say, but Ethan’s words come back to me, please honor this wish . I give the slightest bit of truth. “The path I was on became altered. I needed to straighten a few things out.”
“Of all the places in California, why here? ”
“I grew up near San Francisco. This town seemed quaint and a quiet place to get my head straight.”
Straight to hell. That’s me with a one-way ticket. Do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars. Christ. San Francisco is a long way from San Diego. Why’d I lie about that?
“I come from San Francisco, originally. We moved here my senior year when Mom met Stan.”
Glad to get the focus off me, I ask, “Is that why you returned to Naperville? To be with family?”
“Yes.”
She stands, placing the bottle back on the end table. Her fingers graze across Ethan’s letter and knock it to the floor. I react without thought and dive to the ground.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She says as we both reach for the paper, but she snatches it up first. I think I stop breathing, seeing her fingers draped around Ethan’s words. She places it back on the table, and her stare lingers on it a moment too long before pulling her gaze to me. “I need to check on the kids and get to work.”
“Thank you for my coffee.”
The smile she flashes me makes me grin. “Anytime.”
She steps away from me and the letter and continues to walk out the door. I let out a relieved breath when she disappears from sight. Shit, that was close. When her engine roars to life, confusion settles in.
Where do I go from here with all these lies I’ve told?