Chapter 18
La Confession
CLAIRE
Once Tansy and Devlinn were gone and it was just the two of us, Bastien set his cane in the snow and removed his heavy fur cloak. He undressed quickly, removing piece by piece until he was down to a thin cotton undershirt and trousers.
“Do I have permission to enter your circle?”
I wiped what was left of the black liquid from my mouth. I couldn’t believe he was agreeing to this.
“Words, Claire. I need your permission.”
“Yes. Enter,” I forced myself to say.
He lowered to his knees in front of me and undid the laces of his trousers, leaving them open. We stared at each other for a long moment, both of us breathing hard. Both of us stripped bare. Both of us willing to sacrifice our comfort, our morality, everything for each other.
I went to tell him how much this meant to me, but Bastien held up a hand. “There’s something I need to say first.” I waited, bracing for what was to come. But he simply said, “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t expecting “I’m sorry.”
He ran a hand through his tousled hair. “I’m sorry for what happened that night.”
“I already told you that you don’t need to apologize.”
He ignored me, barreling on. “I’m sorry I let things go too far, that I was blind to the intentions of the people around me. I’m sorry that you were the one who had to suffer.”
The apology landed hard in my stomach. But I had a strange sense that he wasn’t talking about that night in the graveyard. He was talking about something else. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Pain flickered across his face. “I’ve been keeping a secret from you, because…
” His voice broke. “Because I’m ashamed.
” Bastien dipped his head, and I saw tears were brimming in his eyes.
“I didn’t stumble on the idea of acceptance and tolerance.
It wasn’t something that just came to me one day.
It happened,” he drew in a shuddering breath, “because I-I befriended a demon.”
My mouth fell open.
“Yes. Long ago. Before the Choosing. When I was still a Witch of the Light. When I was just Sebastien Bassett of Amara.”
Amara. I softened more. I knew there was a reason why he’d been chosen for me. He was born in Amara, beside the banks of the Starfall River, the place I’d loved the most in the world, where the sound of rushing water always made me feel at peace.
“The demon—Gorrath—he and I became close. Very close.” Our eyes met. “Do you understand what I mean?”
A flash of realization tore through my body like a bolt of lightning, making my heart race faster. “You two would… kiss? And…?”
He nodded. “Yes. We would see each other in secret.”
Suddenly, everything began to make sense. It wasn’t just my own want. It wasn’t just my own attraction. The demon wanted him, and there was a time when he’d wanted the demon too. It was all caged inside me.
“It was a very long time ago. Before I was a vampire. Before I knew you existed,” he said quickly.
“Of course,” I said. Strangely, I wasn’t jealous of the demon. Instead, I felt like I knew Bastien more.
“The more I got to know him, the more I realized he couldn’t be trusted. Banishing him became my only choice. Especially after… my family…” he said, trailing off, but he didn’t have to finish for me to fully understand what he meant. I knew the price people were willing to pay to be accepted.
His attention settled on the horn covered in black liquid. “I didn’t recognize it at first. Or perhaps I didn’t want to see the truth. But now I know that is one of his horns. The one I cut from his head.”
I thought of the night I pleasured myself with it. Of the candles I’d lit. Of the shells that appeared. Of the passageways that opened. Of the feeling like something had inhabited my body. I stared at the horn now.
I’d put a demon’s horn inside me. The same demon Bastien had once taken to his bed.
“And you liked it.” A deep, gruff voice sounded inside my head.
I knew it belonged to the demon.
Now I understood why I was having such strong feelings—the anger, the want, the restlessness—they were coming from a demon who could influence sex and disease.
“Why did you banish him?” I asked, needing to know more about this strange connection between the three of us.
“He was gathering sacrifices, planning to do something that would’ve changed the world. He had to be stopped.”
“You’re going to love this story. Ask him what I was planning,” the demon urged.
Because I was curious, I indulged. “What was he planning?”
Bastien shook his head and let his gaze settle somewhere off into the distance. “There’s an old story about Damien and Diana’s daughters.”
That was as far as Bastien got before I turned away, facing the woods, my hand wrapping around my throat. Imogen. Her story about the goddesses, her prediction about me… dying. Was it all true?
“Every word of it.”
“You have to know that I have only ever loved you,” Bastien said, mistaking my horror for jealousy.
“I know. It’s not that.”
Twigs snapped in the distance. Bastien’s attention returned to the treeline, his vampire eyes seeing things that I couldn’t.
My wolves, who had been pacing around the circle, growled in warning. And when they did, I knew they were out there. The werewolves. The ones Mama would’ve given anything to create. Even… her daughter.
My hand slipped from the choker and curled into a fist.
The power. I needed access to my power.
Bastien shifted to sit beside me, offering his quiet strength even though I sensed his fear—for me, for us, for whatever was coming.
Instead of voicing those anxieties, we simply watched the trees and shadows.
He reached for my hand, fingers entwining with mine.
He believed he could protect me—with his army, with his life—but in the end, none of it would matter. My death felt inevitable.
Tears welled in my eyes. I was going to die. Mama’s spell would claim my life. I wanted to tell him everything. All of it. But if he knew that I was going to die, he would become something unrecognizable. Because as much as I had a piece of this demon inside me, so did he.
“If you perform the ritual and give me the sacrifices I want,” the demon taunted, “I’ll reestablish the bloodline. And you can save yourself.”
I didn’t like that this demon had grown comfortable inside my head.
He sounded completely untrustworthy. I couldn’t decide if he was trying to manipulate me for his own gain or if what he was saying was true.
But if I did nothing, if I took no chances, I was going to die anyway.
Whether as punishment for Bastien’s past or to secure whatever future Mama envisioned for herself.
I, however, had the agency to make the choice. Just like I had when those two staircases presented themselves to me. I could stick with what felt safe, or I could descend. I could wait for death to claim me, or try to do something to stop it. And I already knew what my choice was.
“Claire,” Bastien said gently, “let’s go back to camp.
I sent Natalia to Chastity’s Stronghold.
They will open the archway from the inside.
We just need to defend ourselves until then.
” He set my hand on his chest, right over his silent heart.
“You don’t have to become something you’re not just to save everyone.
I’m sorry that this demon is trying to take out his revenge on me through you. ”
Stay safe. Take the upward staircase. Let me protect you.
I understood what he was saying, but the more pressing question was who I needed to become to save myself.
Or Sera? Or Alec, who disappeared into the woods trying to warn me.
Or my friends who had selflessly followed me to fight for something bigger than my comfort. And I knew my husband understood that.
“You gave up your life to become a vampire. To be someone strong enough to save everyone,” I told him. “Let me be strong too.”
“Claire,” he said, covering my hand with his. “He is dangerous.”
“All demons are dangerous,” I answered quickly.
Words I’d grown up believing. But another truth also lived inside of me.
“But a Dark Witch’s power isn’t inherently dangerous, no matter who she got it from.
Magick only responds to the witch’s intentions.
And you’ve spent a long time teaching me that I am not bad.
” I touched the side of his face. “Please. Trust me.”
My wolves howled again.
Bastien looked at me for a long moment. “If this is what you really want, then I’ll all in.”