Chapter 34
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FOUR
Ambrosia
An hour later, we arrive at the condo Dawson and Louis share.
It’s behind First Horizon Field, where the Nashville Sounds play.
On the balcony are three chairs, where the guys say they sit and watch the games when they’re feeling in a baseball mood.
Jennings is more of a fan than Dawson and Louis.
The condo is adorable and screams of two bachelors whose mom came over to make the house a home.
Baylor used a bunch of deep greens and browns, with black-and-white photos of the family all over the place.
The furniture is totally lived-in, with rips and stains, and the number of hockey tape balls is insane.
They are everywhere, and I’m sort of surprised they haven’t appeared at my place.
We all picked up ramen from a place by the field before coming up, and then we gathered on the couch to eat.
The conversation was flowing, Louis asking me how my podcast was going, and then Dawson asking how songwriting was going for Jennings.
I guess Louis and Dawson talk so much, they don’t have much to say.
That is until Dawson brings up the Chargers deal.
Louis clicks his tongue as he shakes his head. “Fifteen mill? You won’t get that with the NHL.”
Dawson nods as I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from running my mouth.
It’s not that I don’t want Dawson to take the deal; it’s that I want him to do what he wants.
He has to be happy with his choice, but I know how much Louis’s opinion means to him, so I’m holding my breath as I watch the exchange go down. “Nope. I’ll be lucky if I pull three.”
“Yeah, that’s if you go third round,” Louis says, leaning back and cuddling into Jennings’s side.
“But then, you aren’t hurting for money, and we knew you wouldn’t go first round.
You get to where you’re going, work your ass off, and pull that big contract.
We’ll sell this place for way over the asking price, and you’ll be good for a bit. ”
Thank God. Before Dawson can agree, Jennings adds, “I grew up with money, and now I have none. Let me just say, I’m happier now than I was when I had to do whatever my parents said.
I’m not saying that picking hockey over football is like choosing to be gay over my parents, but you need to choose what you want. ”
I smile. “I said the same thing.”
“’Cause you’re a peach, sweetheart,” Jennings throws my way, but then he stands, smacking his hands. “I gotta head out. I’m meeting Rick at the studio for a bit. It was great seeing you guys.”
Jennings hugs us goodbye before kissing Louis deeply on the lips. Louis looks up at him the way Dawson looks at me, and my heart aches at the sight. How could Jennings’s parents not love him for who he is? He’s a doll baby, and he’s so in love. Who cares if they both have dicks?
Louis heads down with Jennings because he left his wallet in Jennings’s truck. I lean in to kiss Dawson, and he smiles against my lips before I get up to clean up. “You don’t have to do that.”
I give him a look. “Have you met my mother? Louis paid for the food. I can clean.”
He scoffs. “He doesn’t care. He loves you.”
We share a grin before I pick up the bag and then our bowls. Once I’m in the kitchen, I start loading the dishes as Dawson comes to the island. “I’m gonna go pack while you do that, so we can hang for a bit longer. I think Louis has an exam to do tonight.”
“Cool. I’ll be here.”
Dawson taps the island before disappearing down the hall.
I’ve been in his room, and it’s like everything else—totally decorated by his mom.
He has a queen-size bed, which is insane to me with how big he is.
He was in heaven in my king with my big ass in there, which is probably why he hasn’t been back and I haven’t stayed over.
While I love sleeping with that man, he’s a freaking furnace at night.
The door opens as I’m wiping the counters, and Louis gives me a look. “Ro, what the hell? You didn’t have to clean.”
I grin over at him, taking in his boyish features and bright-green eyes. He looks so much like Dawson, just younger. His dark hair is all wild, like someone was running their fingers through it. His cheeks are rosy, and he has one hell of a beard coming in. I raise a brow. “No Shave November?”
He smiles proudly. “Heck yeah. Jennings hates it.”
I grin as he leans on the counter I just cleaned, fiddling with his keys. I close the dishwasher and notice that he glances over his shoulder before looking back at me. I lean my hip into the island and meet his gaze. “You okay?”
He slowly nods then looks down at the counter. “You’re stealing my best friend.”
My heart drops at that. I don’t have siblings, so I don’t know how to navigate this. “I don’t mean to.”
“I know,” he says softly. “And if he weren’t so fucking happy with you, I’d lose my mind.” My heart picks up in rhythm. “Can I tell you a story?”
I nod. “Of course.”
He gives me a small smile, his fingers nervously rubbing together, pulling apart and then wrapping around each other again as he begins.
“There was this boy,” he says softly. “And he had a brother, the golden boy. Everyone adored him. Everyone just knew he’d follow in their parents’ footsteps and take the world by storm.
Even with all his indecision about playing two sports, he worked harder than anyone.
And he didn’t just focus on himself. He pushed his brother too.
Loved him. Built him up. Helped him believe in himself. ”
Louis swallows hard, and my stomach drops.
“But the golden boy also loved girls. He wanted his brother to have that same experience—chasing girls, getting attention, all of it. Only…the brother didn’t feel that way.
And he didn’t know how to tell his perfect big brother.
It was confusing and scary and lonely, until he finally understood…
he was gay.” He pauses, his voice tight.
“He was terrified. Terrified to tell the golden boy in case it changed everything. In case he lost his biggest supporter.”
He breathes in shakily. “Then the golden boy found out something else. Found out that a coach had been bullying his brother, threatening him, because he’d caught him kissing the boy he had fallen for.
The coach said he’d out him if he didn’t…
obey. It never became physical, but we both knew where it was headed.
” Louis lifts his eyes and meets mine. “And just like he always did, that golden boy showed up. He protected his brother. Saved him. Loved him without question.” A tear falls over his lash line, and my eyes well as he holds my gaze.
“Dawson was the only reason I didn’t give up and kept playing.
Then my junior year, it happened again. Dawson was so pissed he couldn’t protect me, he started drinking to drown the feelings.
As much as he tells me it’s not true, I know I’m the reason he didn’t go into the draft. ”
“No, Louis,” I insist. “He was lost. He wasn’t ready. He was young.”
“True, but if I weren’t gay, he wouldn’t have worried—”
I hold up my hand. “No. No, sir, we aren’t doing this. That man,” I say, pointing down the hall, “loves you. Just the way you are. He loves Jennings, and he is proud of you and the man you love.”
Louis holds my gaze. “I’ve spent my whole life with him, only him.
A girl has never gotten in the way or stolen his time the way you have.
I’ve had my best friend, my brother, and my boyfriend all to myself, but now I’m sharing the one person who would kill for me with someone else, and it scares me. ”
Shit. This can’t be good. “I’ll talk to him, tell him—”
Louis stands up straight, shaking his head.
“No. Listen to me, Ro,” he pleads, his eyes burning into mine.
He reaches out, taking my hand in his and squeezing tightly.
“It scares me because I know he’s all in.
You are it for him, which means you and I have to be besties now, and I’m scared you won’t want that. ”
A tear slips out. “I don’t have siblings, I only have my mom and my tía, but Louis, I would love to be your bestie.”
His lips quirk as he pulls me into his arms, and I hug him tightly. “Please take care of him just like he has always cared for me. He’s so far gone for you that if you decided you didn’t want him, I’m pretty sure it would break him into a million pieces.”
I don’t know why I’m crying like this. “It would break me too.”
He squeezes me tighter, and we both exhale together.
He pulls back, his green eyes still glossy and full of emotion.
It’s easy to see how much he loves his brother, and I love that.
I love how much the Sinclairs love and support one another without hesitation.
It’s a beautiful thing, made more so when I know they’d do the same for me.
The realization makes me want to scream from the rooftops how much I love Dawson, but I can’t until I tell him.
“Do you love him?”
My lip trembles as I hold the eyes of the brother of the man I love. My heart is pounding harder than ever as the silence engulfs the air around us. I thread my fingers with his, and in a quiet voice, I say, “Let me tell you my own story.”
His lips tip up, that same crooked little grin that always reminds me of Dawson—smug and stupidly heart-stealing. God, I adore it.
“There was a girl,” I begin softly, looking back to see if Dawson is still in his room. When I verify he is, I whisper, “Who met a boy on the night her father died. The worst night of her life…except for one impossible, shining moment. Him.”
His eyes widen as tears pool in my eyes.
“She prayed—or, really, begged—the universe for just one chance to explore what sparked between them. Because even in the middle of her deepest grief, he was the light she clung to. And she would walk through every ounce of that pain again if it meant she got to relive even a second of what she felt with him that night.”
Louis reaches for my hands, squeezing them in his large ones as a tear spills down my cheek. He exhales, and then with all the love in his eyes, he whispers, “Thank you for giving him a chance. I know he’s a lot.”
I snort at that. “He is, but he’s grown on me.”
“Like a fungus?”
I shrug. “I was going to say like a wart.”
I mean, I may love the guy, but I’m not going to go too soft on him.