Chapter Twenty-Seven #2
Before I could leave, I had to grab one more thing from the office.
Major was headed to the hospital to complete some paperwork, as I’d lied and said I had a meeting with Ivy for a few hours this morning.
Little white lies don’t hurt when they make the other person happy, but I can’t get behind the big lies that hurt people.
Besides, I’d come clean about this one on Christmas morning.
I flipped the light on in the office and grabbed my satchel from the desk, swinging it down and accidentally knocking papers off Major’s desk.
“Nice work, clumsy,” I muttered, bending and picking up the papers to set them back on his desk.
I noticed one had fallen behind it. After contorting myself into an ungodly position, I finally managed to grab it and pull it out. Two words caught my attention.
“Hey, you’re going to be late.”
I glanced up to see Major in the doorway. “You have a kid?”
He stalked into the room and snatched the paper from my hand. “Why are you snooping in my things?”
“I wasn’t,” I said, defensiveness clear in my tone. “My satchel knocked some papers off your desk. I was picking them up.”
“Stay out of my things. I didn’t give you permission to mess with my stuff. I thought you’d be considerate of my privacy.”
“I wasn’t snooping around in your things!” I exclaimed, ice filling my veins at his accusations. “What I hear you saying is I can live here, but you’re not going to be open about your life. Well, guess what? I’m not okay with that.”
“Too damn bad,” he ground out. “My past doesn’t pertain to you. It stays in the past!”
“Wow,” I said on a breath. “That’s…wow. Okay, noted.”
I darted around him and walked out of the office.
He didn’t call me back. He didn’t chase me down.
I walked out the back door, climbed into my car, and with tears threatening to fall, drove away.
I couldn’t go to Ivy’s now with tears on my cheeks and the end of my relationship in sight.
Not when the whole point of going there was to finish his Christmas gift.
I drove aimlessly, the words on that piece of paper bold in my mind’s eye.
PATERNITY CASE.
CHILD SUPPORT.
DAUGHTER.
He had a daughter and was paying child support, yet he never mentioned it.
How had I been so wrong about him? He was the one who insisted on honesty and openness about our lives and struggles.
Then I remembered how he kept the fact that he was an amputee from me for over a month.
He said it was because he was afraid of losing me when I found out, but now I had to wonder.
What if he was nothing more than a habitual liar who exploited his good looks and intelligence to manipulate others for his benefit?
It wouldn’t be the first time someone did that, but to lie about your kid?
That’s low, especially when you’re talking forever with someone. I was going to find out eventually.
Realizing I was only a few miles from Evergreen Acres, I turned and followed the road to the parking area.
I wasn’t prepared for the weather, but a short walk in the trees wouldn’t hurt anything.
Hopefully, it would clear my head so I could go back and pick up my things.
At least enough to get me by until I could load up the rest and find another storage unit.
Dumping my head back on the seat, I sighed while fighting back tears.
I’d already told Hazel I wouldn’t need the apartment.
Maybe it wasn’t too late. I’d text her once my head was clearer and tell her I wanted to put down a security deposit on it immediately. In the meantime, I’d stay with Ivy.
Grabbing my phone, I texted Ivy that I was running late and would stop over later to explain.
Her reply was simple, 'okay…' but the ellipses at the end told me she suspected something was amiss. Rather than being tempted to respond, I put the phone in my pocket and grabbed my spare hat and gloves from the back seat, before I climbed out and headed for the path. The farm was busy, which meant no one would notice me if I didn’t run into Cameron helping people with trees.
I smiled and waved at people as though it were any other day, when really, I was dying inside.
My life had come crashing down around my ears again because I trusted someone. How could I be so naive?
The sleigh had packed down a path through the snow to the big tree at the back of the property.
My watch said they wouldn’t start the rides for another hour, so I followed the trail to the clearing.
Once there, the true scope of the storm was evident when the snow brushed the bottom of the branches of the big tree.
I gazed upward as tears streamed down my cheeks at the unfairness of it all.
Just when I thought I’d found happiness, it was ripped away in the blink of an eye. I should have known better!
My phone beeped, and assuming it was Ivy, I pulled it out, only to see a text from Major.
Baby doll, I’m sorry. Please come home so we can talk.
Ivy said you aren’t with her. Now I’m scared.
My PTSD reared its ugly head. That sounds like an excuse for bad behavior, but all I remember is noise in my head, and then you were gone.
I don’t have a daughter. Please, come home. I’ll explain everything.
I dropped my hand to my side, forcing myself to stay angry.
He was using PTSD to excuse bad behavior, no matter how he spun it.
I hated that my brain tacked on ‘right?’ to that sentence.
Admittedly, I didn’t understand all the intricacies of PTSD, but I had some experience with it, being friends with Becca.
Once, when someone took their phone out to take a picture of their food, Becca ran two blocks down the street to get away from it.
By the time I’d reached her, she didn’t remember how she’d gotten there or why she wasn’t at the diner.
With a groan, I tipped my head back to the sky, hoping for divine intervention, but all I got was a sharp pain in my side and then blackness.
I pounded on the door of Ivy’s house. “Ivy!”
The door flew open, and she stood there with one brow up. “Can I help you, Dr. Warren?”
Something told me my girl had already filled her boss in on the situation. “Is Jaelyn here? I don’t see her car, but I need to talk to her.”
“She’s not. She texted me about thirty minutes ago that she was running late and would explain later.”
“We have to find her,” I moaned, running a hand through my hair in frustration.
“Come in,” she said, holding the door while I stepped inside. When she closed the door, I leaned against it and banged my head in frustration. “You fought.”
It wasn’t a question, so I just nodded. “I think I said some things I shouldn’t have, and she left.”
“You think you said some things?”
Once I explained what I saw when I walked into the office, I swallowed hard around the lump of fear in my throat. “I remember telling her I didn’t give her permission to snoop through my things. It’s just white noise after that.”
“White noise?”
“When my PTSD is activated, it’s that fight or flight idea, but mine is never fight. It's always flight, and that will present itself verbally sometimes.”
“Saying something just to get yourself out of the conversation or out of the room?”
“Yes,” I agreed. “And it’s always logical and thought out to the person hearing it, but I rarely remember anything other than in bits and pieces.”
“Have you texted her?”
“I was afraid to in case she was driving. We need to find her.”
“Text her and see if she responds.”
With a nod, I typed out the only thing I could think to say and hit send.
“I’ve screwed up so badly,” I whispered, sliding down the door until I fell to my butt when my left leg didn’t allow the movement.
Lowering my head to my knee, I sat there, not even caring how it looked to Ivy.
Once again, I’d blown up my future by not being honest when I had the chance.
“You need to get yourself together, Major,” Ivy said, squatting down beside me.
“Couples have arguments. That’s part of life.
You’re not going to see eye to eye all the time.
Something tells me you could have solved this with a simple explanation that Jaelyn would have listened to, but your trauma prevented you from doing that, right?
” My nod was weak against my knee. “Then figure out a way to explain it to her that will block the trauma from cropping up. If you need to do it in writing, then do so. If you need to record yourself on your phone and send it to her, go ahead. If you can’t do face-to-face until she understands the basics, then use whatever form of communication that’s necessary to get over that hurdle.
You need a place to meet in the middle.”
I lifted my head to meet her gaze. “Why didn’t I think of that? It would make it easier if I didn’t have to look into her eyes filled with disappointment that I’d lied, which I didn’t. God, it’s just a big misunderstanding.”
She rubbed my shoulder for a moment. “You’ll get it sorted out once she has a few minutes to cool her heels. Jaelyn has that fiery Spanish temper, but once she has a few minutes away from the situation, she always comes back to talk about it. Has she seen the text?”
I checked the phone and noted the read tag. “Yes, but no response yet.”
She held out her hand and helped me to my feet. “Then you know she’s okay. Maybe you should head back to your place so you’re there if she goes home. If she comes here, I’ll send her there.”
“There was no meeting, was there?” I asked, realizing no one else was around.
“Nope. She was going to finish your Christmas present but couldn’t do it at the house, so she brought everything here.”
My hand in my hair, I sighed. “I’m gutted that I hurt her. I don’t know if I can repair this.”
“You’d better think of a way because you two are meant for each other. Don’t give up. Dig in. Show her that you deserve her and her forgiveness. She’ll see your honesty and integrity. I promise.”
“Thanks, Ivy. I see why everyone says you’re a nightingale.”
“Silly,” she said with a shake of her head. “I just try to be a decent human being and help people out when I can.”
“Like paying off the rest of her bills so they didn’t follow her into the new year?”
“She earned that money,” Ivy said with a shrug. “My goal was to take the last burden off her shoulders so she could enjoy life now that she had you. Don’t make me regret that. I will hunt you down.”
Holding up my hands, I bit back a smile. “There’s no way I’m crossing Ivy Lund. I’ll let you know if she returns to the house. If she comes here, do me a solid?”
“I will drive her home myself, but then the ball is in your court. Make sure you’re ready for it.”
With a salute, I left her house and climbed into my SUV, hoping I wasn’t too late.
Sitting there and staring at the back of the diner, I remembered all the times I’d spent with Jaelyn there.
Her smile. Her touch. What I did today was the same thing I’d done every time I got too involved with a woman.
I blew it up in the same grandiose way as the bomb that tore my leg apart.
The idea of letting someone in to see all my ugly was scarier than living alone, so I pushed them away and kept walking.
This was the first time I couldn’t keep walking.
Not didn’t. Couldn’t. Being without her was impossible now that I’d had a taste of what life could be like with her. Where was she?
Confronted by the decision to go home or look for her, I opted to look for her.
I’d drive past the house, but if her car wasn’t there, I’d keep going until I found her or she texted me, one of the two.
Part of me knew I could never sit still if I went home, but the other part of me said not going home meant possibly missing her if she did.
Going home offered me a chance to put my thoughts together and maybe, I’d take Ivy’s advice and write everything out, so she could read it before we talked.
Decision made, I first stopped by the bakery and picked up a loaf of bread and a jug of eggnog. If, God willing, she was agreeable to hear a word I had to say, I would fill her full of eggnog French toast, so she would be too full to move.
Barely back in the car, the ringtone for the hospital came through the speakers. I groaned. Not today, Lord. Then I remembered I was supposed to be there doing paperwork, but wasn’t, so they might be wondering why.
“This is Dr. Warren,” I answered, already plotting a reason why I wasn’t there and wouldn’t be in. Retractable diarrhea looked like a good answer. Food poisoning. Ebola.
“Dr. Warren, it’s Loretta. Weird question, but Jaelyn started working out at Evergreen Acres now, right?”
“Yes, she’s taking over part of the school-to-work program with Lance Garland. Why?”
“Is she with you? A call just came in that an ambulance is en route from the tree farm. I wanted her to know.”
Nothing in my career prepared me for how quickly my heart stopped at her statement. “She’s not with me, and I can’t reach her. I’m headed out there!”
“Dr. Warren!” Loretta said as I pressed the accelerator to the floor. “They’re less than two miles out. All we know is abdominal trauma. We may need you here.”
“Jaelyn may need me more!” I growled, panic nearly overwhelming me. Spots danced before my eyes until I convinced myself the person in that ambulance was a customer. Someone just fell and got hurt. It probably happened all the time.
“If it’s Jaelyn, you can be more help to her if you’re waiting here when she arrives. If it’s not her, we still may need your help, but at least you’ll know she’s safe.”
Logic. Rule with logic, Major. Turn your doctor mode on and your emotions off.
“I’ll be there in two,” I said, punching the end button and hanging a right practically on two wheels, praying the entire way.